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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 6 months pregnant and my husband has just left me

44 replies

blondebabeuk78 · 13/05/2017 00:41

Went to my midwifes appointment this afternoon and when I got back the joint car had gone and my husbands things and even some of the furniture. I've been really ill with this pregnancy and don't work because he didn't want me to and now he has left me. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I can't face eating anything and I can't stay still long enough to relax let alone sleep. We moved to a new area for his job so I have no friends or family near by and I feel so scared and alone.

OP posts:
Beebeeeight · 13/05/2017 23:42

Good news.

Beebeeeight · 13/05/2017 23:43

Good news.

Original poster
blondebabeuk78 · 14/05/2017 17:47

Mum has now arrived and I know she's only showing me that she cares but she's treating me like a child and bossing me around, she's also loving telling me that she's not surprised that h has done this. To make matters worse, just got a text from h, no explanation to why he left simply saying even though we're not longer together he still wants to come to any hospital appointments and any scans. He said he also wants to be at the birth, it was like he was just telling me what was going to happen not asking my permission. I really don't want to see him.

OP posts:
Trickycat · 14/05/2017 17:53

Speak to your midwife but I do not think he has the right to be at the birth. It is your decision. Don't be bullied by him.

nervesshredded · 14/05/2017 17:54

You don't have to see him if you don't want to. He doesn't get to dictate anything to you, it's up to you if you want him at the birth.

MrsBertBibby · 14/05/2017 17:56

Ignore him. Let your solicitor do the talking. Have you got some lined up to call?

Your mum sounds like mine. It has motivated me so much to be a decent mum to my son, and nothing like her.

Sounds to me like you need to be your own mum. Tell your mother to go away if she can't manage normal supportive behaviour.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2017 17:56

Your decision, not his.

Please speak to your midwife.

Chloe84 · 14/05/2017 17:59

So sorry OP.

What he wants is no longer your priority.

No way would I want him at the birth

Hope you're ok Flowers

onthewagonwheel · 14/05/2017 18:33

God how horrible.

He cannot have ANY right to be at the birth. Cannot believe he expects to be there either, he's clearly deluded and completely lacking in empathy. You could raise it with the GP on Monday, or call the midwife, to put your mind at rest.

I support the suggestion that you ignore him and go only through a solicitor from now on.

So sorry having your mum around is making you feel worse. Is there someone else you can call for some better support even if only over the phone today?

FlowersFlowers

Lifeisabloodysoap · 14/05/2017 18:35

Blondebabe 🤗 sending you a massive hug!!
This happened to me with my last baby. My ex one night came home from work and left. Said he wanted to be there thru every scan and appointment but it then became a chore for him. He didn't come to the birth or any appointments. 1 year on its still hard!

Lean on everyone you can friends, family speak to your midwife then can and will support you. Get a lawyer and stick to what is best for you and the child do not take him into consideration! I was told by many woman on here to not be soft with him and let him demand everything. I did let him for a while but I then put me and the kids first. It has now been a year since he seen the kids!
Chin up be strong for that little person in your belly! If you ever need a chat message me on this x

Itsfreetobekind · 14/05/2017 20:16

Sorry to hear. Tell your mom you need support right now, not more stress, considering it is no help to your pregnancy. If you have no one else, you need to speak to her.

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

AcrossthePond55 · 14/05/2017 21:38

I don't know your mum, but I do know that I have a tendency to be a bossy boots with my sons in a crisis. I think I fall back into "let Mummy take care of it, she knows better" and they have to gently remind me that I don't always know better and that they are adults. Up to you whether or not you want to address this with your mum or whether you just want to try to let it roll over you. But I would suggest telling her than her 'I'm not surprised etc' are very, very hurtful to you and make you feel worse about an already bad situation just now and could she please table that conversation until you're a little stronger?

Your pregnancy and childbirth are YOUR medical 'treatments'. He has no more right to be with you at your appointments and delivery than he does to demand to sit in if you were having a smear or an appendectomy. You have no legal or moral obligation to tell him anything. And I would ignore those messages. Don't bother to start him on a self-righteous tirade about 'his rights' and 'his child' etc ad infinitum by telling him he can't come. You just carry on and don't advise him of any dates. Simply do not reply to requests for this information. Be sure you have it plastered everywhere you can on your medical records that you do NOT give permission for them to speak to him AND that he is NOT to be informed when you are admitted to give birth (assuming you aren't having a home birth).

Would it be practical or advisable for you to just pack up and move back with your parents?

MrsChopper · 15/05/2017 11:47

He has no right to be at any of your medical and/or pregnancy related appointments. He also has no right to be at the birth. It is your choice. So if I was you I'd tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

FP239 · 15/05/2017 11:53

Oh Op, my heart is breaking for you. But you will get through this, and be a stronger person for it too. Your husband has shown his true colours and exposed himself as an absolute scumbag of the lowest order.

VimFuego101 · 15/05/2017 11:54

You don't have to let him be at any scans or appointments unless you are OK with it. I especially wouldn't let him be at the birth, since stress and not feeling comfortable in labour can cause it to slow down. I would chat to your midwife at your next appt, I'm sure she'll reassure you.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/05/2017 12:05

Ignore the stupid prick, he does not get to make demands like that. He's behaved in the worst possible way in walking out without any discussion and taking joint things, do not concern yourself with what he wants.

Personally I would move back to your home area asap to have some friends and family around. Be blunt with your mum and tell her you do not need to hear any I told you so's right now.

Babyroobs · 15/05/2017 12:10

How many weeks pregnant are you?i think you can claim income support from 28weeks.

SasBel · 15/05/2017 12:16

Stay strong, remember that you do not have to put his name on your childs birth certificate either.

DoraChance · 15/05/2017 12:17

Hi OP, I've been here, my partner left me when I was 8 months pregnant. I was devastated. He wanted to still be at the birth but I told him no. He doesn't have a right to be there, you need to be relaxed and comfortable - it's not about him. You have a hard road ahead but you will get through it - I am coming out the other side and although single parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done I am convinced it has made me a better parent than I would have been otherwise. Take it one day at a time and go easy on yourself Flowers

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