Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So he keeps packing his bags then unpacking

33 replies

Isobela · 26/04/2017 22:47

He betrayed me a few weeks ago, things aren't going well.
I'm constantly questioning and giving the third degree even though I've said I'll give him a second chance.

But tonight he's packed his bags after another argument and is currently unpacking them because I haven't begged him to stay.

I've said it's all for drama and it's pathetic. Everytime we argue now he packs everything he owns - it's getting pathetic.

I was totally ready to let him go tonight, gutted but ready.

But yet again he's unpacking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isobela · 26/04/2017 22:48

Sorry not really knowing what I'm asking - just feel drained really.

OP posts:
anxiousnow · 26/04/2017 22:50

Sorry Isabella. Seems like you called his bluff by not begging him to stay. Hopefully that will stop him thinking he can use that again. What type of betrayal? Infidelity? Maybe you need some space to think without all this drama.

NellieFiveBellies · 26/04/2017 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kittencatkins123 · 26/04/2017 22:51

How did he betray you?
Constant bag packing is pathetic! Pack up and bugger off or don't!!!
Hope you're okay Flowers

Longdistance · 26/04/2017 22:51

Pack his bags for him.

Make it easy for him to fuck off.

ijustwannadance · 26/04/2017 22:55

Just tell him to go.

Goldfishjane · 26/04/2017 22:58

Let him go
Buy a suitcase padlock if he doesn't get the point
He's a melodramatic idiot

LapCatLicker · 26/04/2017 22:59

Don't give him the choice. Pack your bags and go first (if you can). Otherwise pack his bags for him and chuck them out the door.

This is not how relationships should be.

donajimena · 26/04/2017 22:59

My ex used to do this. Storm off and be back 15 minutes later Confused
I don't know what he was expecting! Me on my knees in tears? He stopped doing it eventually but by then I didn't care much for him anymore

SleepFreeZone · 26/04/2017 23:02

Sometimes this stuff is a process. You need to work through this fuckwittery until finally you realise you don't want him anymore and you split for good. It sounds as though you originally thought you could forgive him but now you realise you can't. He is trying to force you to stop bringing it up by blackmailing you with the leaving thing.

I would say to him that if he packs that bag one more time he leaves for good.

Ratatatouille · 26/04/2017 23:03

Why is he huffing and threatening to leave if he is the one who betrayed you? I'm assuming he cheated? He should be thanking his lucky stars that you've agreed to give him another chance and doing everything within his power to prove that he deserves it. There shouldn't be any arguments. If you get angry then his job at the moment is to take it on the chin and reassure you, not fight with you.

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to be in. Flowers

Mo55chop5 · 26/04/2017 23:28

Fuck his packed (or unpacked) shit out your front door and close it behind him

Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2017 02:29

You have to make an actual decision. Either you forgive him and work together or you don't. Saying you want it to work and then reading him the riot act the next minute isn't going to work. So make a choice. Stay or go.

Paperdoll16 · 27/04/2017 02:45

I remember your other thread, on the betrayal.

Honestly, after what he's done to you Hun he should be doing everything in his power to keep hold of you. Instead he's being manipulative and bloody unfair on you.

It's not even two months. Does he expect you to be over it already?

In all honesty, I personally don't think you will ever get over this and everyone else (once they know the details here) will agree with me too.

Huge hugs to you 💐💐

OnionKnight · 27/04/2017 06:39

Tell him to pack his shit and fuck off.

category12 · 27/04/2017 07:08

I think your feeling that you were ready for him to go says a lot. I think you may be through.

Blacksheep78 · 27/04/2017 07:15

Sounds to me like he is trying to provoke you into telling him to go - that way he is the poor, hard done by DH who was trying everything and got kicked out. Then he can tell everyone it's all your fault.

ptumbi · 27/04/2017 07:17

Aquamarine - saying you want another chance, and wanting all the facts, wanting to know everything are 2 different things.

She may forgive him, but he should be doing everything in his power to give her everything she needs to do that. This will include answers all her questions, letting her scream and cry, because HE has caused the doubt, HE has caused the hurt.

Isobela, let him go. It sounds like you've called his bluff.

PurpleDaisies · 27/04/2017 07:22

*You have to make an actual decision. Either you forgive him and work together or you don't. Saying you want it to work and then reading him the riot act the next minute isn't going to work. So make a choice. Stay or go.^

Forgiving someone after a betrayal and staying together isn't easy though, and you can't just decide in an instant to forget what's happened. It takes time and the other person has to accept you're going to be hurt and things won't just snap back to how they were.

Op it sounds like he's using this packing and unpacking as a way of getting to you. I agree with telling him to go, at least temporarily to give you some time to think.

Branleuse · 27/04/2017 07:22

sounds really annoying. How did he betray you

picklemepopcorn · 27/04/2017 07:26

So he betrayed you, and is trying to emotionally manipulate you and make you the bad guy, so you have to apologise and beg him to stay?

What's in this for you? Pack for him next time, save him the bother.

sparkleandsunshine · 27/04/2017 07:27

He obviously doesn't want to leave but wants you to make a big song and dance over wanting him! Which he doesn't deserve because he betrayed you!

Dozer · 27/04/2017 07:28

Kick him out. His behaviour suggests you made the wrong decision.

vanrecovered · 27/04/2017 07:30

'Why are you unpacking? Please repack and leave'. You can't go on like this Flowers

mummytime · 27/04/2017 07:31

Simple he doesn't want to leave but he does want you to shut up.

Now what do you want?
If self respect is part of it- I'd pack his bags for him and dump them in the porch or similar and let him collect them.
Regardless do not pander, do not beg.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread