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Relationships

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Original poster

As a woman - would you lie about your age on a dating site?

50 replies

HidingEyes · 07/04/2017 23:26

I'm talking about knocking 2 or 3 years off? Not a decade. Just to date someone my own age! Or is it always wrong/backfires in the end?

OP posts:

ShyOyster · 07/04/2017 23:28

I wouldn't. I've done online dating and was contacted by men up to 10 years younger and probably 10-15 years older. I don't think 2-3 years would make any difference in that respect.

noego · 07/04/2017 23:30

Great way to start a relationship lying about your age methinks.

Flowerydems · 07/04/2017 23:30

I wouldn't, but I had someone ten years older than he said he was and 100lbs heavier on my doorstep

Destinysdaughter · 07/04/2017 23:33

I have, by 4 years! ( am 50 and think it's a bit of a cut off point). A lot of older men do the same tbh.

ShyOyster · 07/04/2017 23:33

I found that a lot of men lied about how tall they were. Totally bizarre. I would turn up, looking for a guy my height or taller and there he was, I could comfortably kiss his forehead without having to lean over.
Just...WHY?

Puddington · 07/04/2017 23:38

I probably wouldn't, presumably if the guy is a keeper he won't mind 2 or 3 years' difference, and if you do lie about it and end up with someone long-term they're bound to find out anyway and might take the lying badly.

Isetan · 08/04/2017 08:44

Start as you mean to go on and if lying isn't what you intend to do later, then don't start.

jeaux90 · 08/04/2017 09:09

If you are online dating to find a relationship then don't lie ( I didn't) but I might if I was just after casual stuff etc

PollyPerky · 08/04/2017 09:16

I've heard (from someone who runs a site- a very good one) that most people - men and women- do this all the time.

If you look the age you want to say you are, I can't see what's wrong with that. I'd be honest if you meet someone though. And explain it was because you know many men have this 'cut off point'. IMO it's a white lie. men do much worse, including saying they are single when they aren't.

In general I think men are very ageist on OND sites. They are quite happy to specify they want a women 10 years younger but only a couple of years older. We all know that in reality there are very happy marriages where the woman can be 5-10 years older.

Littlemissindependent · 08/04/2017 09:17

Ha! Given the current thread I've got running, that would be a big NO!

PollyPerky · 08/04/2017 09:20

why LittleMiss?

IMO men are incredibly blinkered when they use these sites. In real life if they met someone whose age they didn't know, but they hit it off and fancied her like mad, then found out she was 5 years older than they were, I don't think they'd mind. But because OLD is so shallow- you judge by a photo and a few lines of a bio- they skip to the next person if the age doesn't 'fit'.

I hardly think it's a cardinal sin to widen the pool of men by lopping a few years off.

Littlemissindependent · 08/04/2017 09:23

Polly I've been chatting to someone who said he was 42. Turns out he's actually 46. It's not so much 'lopping off a few years to widen the pool of men' it's the fact that someone is prepared to lie from the outset. As lots of mnetters have pointed out to me, it's hardly the best way to start things off is it?!

Violetcharlotte · 08/04/2017 09:26

No. I can see why you'd consider it, but think how embarrassing it would be to have to confess if you met someone and ended up in a relationship with them!

PollyPerky · 08/04/2017 09:27

How old are you?

I think you are missing the point. In real life a few years doesn't matter.

Sorry but as someone in my 60s I think there are many many more important issues in a relationship apart from a small fib about age on a dating site, in order to widen the pool of availables.

If you can understand why people do it, it's not a terrible thing. Many people look years younger and act years younger than they are. To define yourself by age to the extent that you might miss The One is just daft IMO.

Course if they say they are separated, single etc and have a wife and 6 kids at home- very different.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 08/04/2017 09:35

I wouldn't do it, mainly because I don't give two figs about my age.

And if I found out, following all the ghosts of lies from my previous marriage, the trust would be gone for sure. My STBEXH lied about little things, turned out he lied about really big things too.

Littlemissindependent · 08/04/2017 09:39

I'm 31 Polly. And as I said, it doesn't matter what the lie is, whether they add or subtract 10 years from their age, it's the fact they're prepared to lie in the first place.

twattymctwatterson · 08/04/2017 09:44

Having tried OLD it's frustrating the number of men who are looking to date younger women and will disregard someone their own age. However I've always taken the viewpoint that I'd rather know someone was that shallow from the outset

Trills · 08/04/2017 09:46

Nope.

I also don't (on the sites that make this information visible) talk to men whose "age range I want to meet" stops short of their own age.

Sample1936 · 08/04/2017 09:46

Original poster

HidingEyes · 08/04/2017 09:52

Thanks for your messages. Its a difficult one. I'm kinda with Polly on this, but at the same time feel a tinsy bit uncomfortable about it. Men are very blinkered about age, and exclude women on this without a second's thought, or am I wrong?

I think women are less bothered about a man's age so if a man lies it can be saying something more significant about his personality perhaps?

But yeah its still a little white lie, for a woman anyway, even if its just trying to even the playing field a bit when often men are looking at 10 years younger (15 in your case LittleMiss!).

OP posts:

Asmoto · 08/04/2017 09:52

No. Men who say they're 45 and are looking for a woman aged between 20 and 30 annoy me, but otherwise, you have to have a cut-off point somewhere and any sensible person searching would add a few years either side to the age they'd envisage as ideal.

PollyPerky · 08/04/2017 09:53

Little totally disagree. At 31 I may well have felt like you do. But as someone twice your age, with kids your age, I have a different view. All lies are not equal. If you understand why someone would do it, it makes it IMO acceptable. If I ever did OLD I'd not hesitate to knock a few years off but it doesn't make me a bad person. I'd hope anyone would understand why I'd done it.

Kittencatkins123 · 08/04/2017 09:56

I've dated on and off since I was 30. I used to think 'Why would you lie about your age?' - until I got a bit older and then you can't help but worry about 'cut offs' etc and generally feeling shit about your age due to stupid media and hideous sexist ageism. I have a friend who did this and I wouldn't judge her over it, particularly as she isn't really looking for anything serious.

However I'm terrible at lying and found it too stressful thinking about when you would then tell them etc. I'm 40 and my boyfriend is younger and never gave a shit about my age because he's awesome and doesn't have stupid 'cutoffs' and that made him even more brilliant in my book!

Could you just message the guy and explain how awesome you are?!

blondehair · 08/04/2017 09:56

Seriously don't get the point in lying about it. If it's meant to be you don't need to bullshit your way through the relationship.

PollyPerky · 08/04/2017 09:57

Hiding any man who is really into you is not going to give a toss about you telling them actually, I knocked off a couple of years on the site....

In real life no one would know anyone's age until way down the line after they'd met. But OLD is so shallow - like looking in a sweet shop- that men just pass on anyone they think is too old.

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