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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend's friends think I'm not good enough

45 replies

mummytobemaybe · 31/03/2017 17:39

Not sure if this is the right place.
My boyfriend has just told me that when we first got together his friends were asking what he saw in me as I'm not his usual type (I'm tall, fat and shy). Normally I would think this is fine but recently a couple of his friends have been insulting my weight to him and he hasn't been standing up for me.
I know this sounds stupid but I'm just so hurt by this especially as I consider myself more attractive than him. All my friends think I can do better (he's short for a man and overweight) but I do really like him and don't care what they say.
I know I shouldn't be bothered but I am very hurt by it. He insists he finds me attractive anyway as I'm 'not that bad' (which sounds hurtful too).
Any advice in how to deal with this? I'm feeling rather emotional.
Also all his friends are hotter than him and their girlfriends are better (makes meeting as a group hard)

OP posts:
LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 31/03/2017 17:41

I know a great way you can lose about 14 stone or more, instantly.

Whatatododo · 31/03/2017 17:42

God how rude. Them and him.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 31/03/2017 17:42

You'd be doing both of you a favour.

Find someone who finds you irresistible. Don't settle for someone who you find unattractive.

Also, stop putting so much emphasis on people's (yours included) looks and weight.

Somerville · 31/03/2017 17:43

Why does what anyone else looks like make meeting up as a group hard? Confused

ImperialBlether · 31/03/2017 17:43

He's horrible and his friends are, too. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near any of them. You can do much better than this OP.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 31/03/2017 17:44

Does he have an agenda for telling you this now? Sounds unkind.

inlectorecumbit · 31/03/2017 17:46

I honestly think the friends have got it the wrong way round.
He is not good enough for you.
Dump the thoughtless idiot.

SookiesSocks · 31/03/2017 17:46

You deserve better.

Dump him and find somebody that has nicer friends and is not an arsehole.

Trills · 31/03/2017 17:47

I would not want to be friends with people who insulted their friends' weight.

You say you really like him, but his taste in friends does not reflect well on him being a particularly nice person.

Whatatododo · 31/03/2017 17:47

Maybe he has drawn your attention to it but you do seem to be ranking people according to how attractive they are. That is not healthy.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 31/03/2017 17:48

He is a twat. It sounds like he is saying this shit to make himself feel better? As he is short and fat himself..though you are just as bad for describing him like that!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/03/2017 17:48

I would ditch this man now along with his horrible friends. Raise your relationship bar higher and do not settle for this.

I would agree with a previous respondent's comment to you to stop putting so much emphasis on people's (yours included) looks and weight. Appearance is not the be all and end all.

Whatatododo · 31/03/2017 17:48

I.e. You're hotter than him, they're hotter than you.

ohfourfoxache · 31/03/2017 17:49

Urgh, get rid - you can do so much better

Silverdream · 31/03/2017 17:50

What I think is the most hurtful part is that your BF told you what his friends said. Why would he do that ? You should be questioning his motive behind that. That's hurtful , unnecessary and uncaring on his part.

Underthemoonlight · 31/03/2017 17:54

TBH you just admitted you think your better looking than him so do your friends and his friends think the opposite how old are you all it sounds so immature

f83mx · 31/03/2017 17:58

How old are you OP? This all sounds a bit... well... childish?

user1487175389 · 31/03/2017 17:58

I wouldn't believe him. What are his motivations in conveying this 'helpful' information, do you think? Is he trying to cut you down to size to lower your self confidence? And if so, is the behaviour of a loving boyfriend?

Kikikaakaa · 31/03/2017 18:00

Your friends think the same as his friends do?
This is confusing
Surely he would be hurt too if he knew what you and your friends thought of him as well? Both of you think you could do better and so do all of your friends so I don't know why you are still together

It's really hard with attractiveness levels I try to avoid thinking about it. In some ways I am possibly more facially attractive than my DP but he has a better body than I do (weight and fitness) so it kind of evens itself out? prepares for onslaught

Original poster
mummytobemaybe · 31/03/2017 18:03

Somerville: just makes me feel inadequate that's all, I have very little self esteem as it is and now I know they find me ugly

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytobemaybe · 31/03/2017 18:05

I am 21 and my boyfriend is 23, sorry if you think this is childish but I think anyone of any age would be hurt by this

OP posts:
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 31/03/2017 18:05

You've just said your friends agree your mate attractive than him. And his friends think he's more attractive than you. Where's the problem?

Yeah he could "put them in their place" but he shows he is getting a reaction, they've got something too rib him about. Or he would end up scrapping with his friends.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 31/03/2017 18:06

More attractive* not mate Blush

PollytheDolly · 31/03/2017 18:06

Your not childish OP. You've just got entangled with a joyless fucknugget and his cuntish friends.

You know what to do Wink

SandyY2K · 31/03/2017 18:14

Any advice in how to deal with this?

Yes. End the relationship. It will only get worse.