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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I the only one who got nothing?

40 replies

Princess4432 · 26/03/2017 16:05

I have two children and in my relationship I do everything for them my partner does not do a single thing to help with the children!! I was very upset this morning to get absolutely nothing for Mother's Day!! My partner does not seem to even care he actually refused to get me anything. I don't expect a load of money spent on me but a card at least?

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 26/03/2017 16:15

Funny you say that because my DM was rather peeved that my DH didn't get her a cars or even give a happy mother's day wish.

We've all left home and have our own families. We sent her cards, but my DF is useless with things like that.

Was it nothing from the kids as well? How old are they?

I got a card and bottle of wine from my DH and a card/flowers /smellies from my DC.

HappyJanuary · 26/03/2017 16:18

How old are your dc?

Teens are notoriously selfish and thoughtless, and if you're the sort of mum who puts up and shuts up then they may be used to seeing you as a low priority who won't complain.

If they're primary age they needed a nudge from your dp and his attitude is appalling (unless you similarly ignore Father's Day, his birthday etc).

I think you should make your feelings known tbh, it's not too late for them to run you a bath or cook dinner.

bluejelly · 26/03/2017 16:18

Why does he do nothing to help with the children? I'd be more upset by that than lack of a card

Ellisandra · 26/03/2017 16:20

Well, you've accepted a relationship where you do everything.
You've chosen to be with a selfish arsehole and facilitate that.
So I'm more surprised that you were very upset rather than quietly resigned to the usual same old shit.

Why not turn the upset into something positive and make this the turning point for a better life?

Marmalade85 · 26/03/2017 16:28

Agree with pp, think the lack of card is the least of your problems.

ShatnersWig · 26/03/2017 16:30

How old are the children? Is your partner their father?

beelover · 26/03/2017 17:51

I am surprised at people getting/wanting presents from husband's as well as from DC, is this a thing? Obviously would expect husband's to help little DC to get presents and cards but not to buy something from themselves too.

beelover · 26/03/2017 17:52

And I forgot to say OP I am sorry you got nothing at all x

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 18:02

Hello yes he is the father they are 5 and 3 I absolutely spoil him rotten every Father's Day or special occasion the same isn't done for me. I don't have much choice on wether he helps me or not. He just doesn't. I'm a very good mum to the children and was very hurt by his actions and no not even a card from the little ones

HappenedForAReisling · 26/03/2017 18:07

I got nothing too - same as every year. DD said Happy Mother's Day. She only know it's today because she saw it on FB (it's not MD here but even when it is, the day will pass as any other Sunday). shrug

HecateAntaia · 26/03/2017 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 26/03/2017 18:14

Why did he refuse to get you anything?
My dh is normally great but doesn't much care for occasions so I sorted my own card and gift and gave them to him so he could give them to the kids to sign and give them to me.
They were so happy to give me the stuff that the hugs and joy from me was genuine even though the surprised reaction was fake.
The youngest did a beautiful painting for me, we went out and we ll watch a film later and eat the Mother's Day chocs together.

If you have to, organise it yourself. Hopefully the dcs will grow up knowing that their mum deserves some recognition and will sort things themselves. Although, of course, I know you don't need Mother's Day to for that.

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 18:15

I have considered that but then I feel absolutely horrible and guilty. That's just not who I am as a person :( and would never want someone to feel like this

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 18:16

Hi that is a day that I'd dream of having .. maybe next year I will organise everything myself

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 18:17

His comment was I've only been a mother for 5 years why would I expect anything to be done for me?

Gallavich · 26/03/2017 18:17

What does he bring to your life? Why are you with him apart from habit/duty?

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 18:19

Good question I find myself asking the same thing :( I just don't feel I'm ready to go through the heartbreak of being on my own although I know very well I'd be perfectly fine as I don't get help with Day to Day duties

Bluetrews25 · 26/03/2017 19:48

And the DCs didn't even do anything for you at school to bring home? Times have changed. Wow, I'd be hurt, too.
for you , OP

grumpysquash3 · 26/03/2017 19:49

I got absolutely nothing. No-one has even mentioned Mothers Day. My DC are 15, 13 & 11.

SandyY2K · 26/03/2017 19:50

I've only been a mother for 5 years why would I expect anything to be done for me

The same time he's been a dad, yet you still spoil him rotten. Why? Can you see you're behaviour actually causes your disappointment.

Stop treating him on Father's day.

Don't your kids make cards in nursery and school?

When you're with a man like this, until and unless you're ready to leave. ..you need to do things to make yourself happy.

He's never bought you a card before, why is it a surprise now.
Next year. ...plan a nice day out with your DC. ..

Before mother's day. . . You can get some arts and crafty stuff and assist them to design a card for you and your mum. ..if she's around and in your life.

My friend said every year. .her DH "forgot' to book a table for lunch on mothers day. .they would drive around and get knocked back from all the restaurants, till they ended up with nowhere. ..except McDonald's.

She took it upon herself to book a table after enough years of being dressed up in McDonald's. ...he wasn't going to make the effort, so she had to. I suggest you do the same m

grumpysquash3 · 26/03/2017 19:50

On Friday DS2 said he'd started making a card at school, but it was rubbish and he hadn't finished it, so didn't bother bringing it home.

MrsMuddlePluck · 26/03/2017 19:54

I don't expect anything. That way I'm pissed off not disappointed every year, when the inevitable "did you have a lovely day, being spoiled" question gets asked.

Lordamighty · 26/03/2017 19:59

Why would you spoil him on Father's Day when he can't be bothered for you. Ignore Father's Day & his birthday & if he mentions it, tell him exactly why. Next year for MD, as your DC are so young, help them choose cards & small gifts & maybe go out for lunch & don't include your "D"P.

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 20:01

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Think I'm going to stop making an effort for him when clearly he makes no effort for me. It's not what I want in life I'm dreading the school run tomorrow morning ... everyone bragging about what they got and done !!

Jenni5443 · 26/03/2017 20:02

Lordamighty was thinking to do exactly that just makes me so upset that I have to arrange it and he couldn't do anything small to make it special for the kids and me

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