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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i just found out that my DP tries to get his boss fired

45 replies

worried42 · 25/03/2017 23:12

Hello. I have been in a relationship with my DP almost 3 years now and we planning to get married and have a family. Today i found out something that made me feel uneasy and i cant shake it off . My DP got a new job , he is only there for two weeks. He has been complaining about his boss and the way he "disrespects him" and "tries to blame him for everything that goes wrong". Having heard the incidents i will agree that the boss is not an angel but falls within the "normal" (if i can call it like that) situation where your boss can be grumpy and shout . I tried to tell him that its not personal and some people are just like that but he is into a revenge mode. After two long weeks he started destroying equipment at work and "has a plan how to get the boss fired". It made me so uncomfortable, this is a side of him i never saw before and i can not get it off my head how vengeful and spiteful can be. Any opinions appreciated , thank you

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 25/03/2017 23:15

Fuck that. when someone tells you who they are listen!!

Do not msrry this nasty entitled twat

Crispbutty · 25/03/2017 23:15

He sounds deranged. I would be questioning my plans for any future with this man.

Three years is a fair length of time to think you know someone but my ex husband only started showing his true colours about that far into our relationship and he got worse and worse.

He was also similar in that he couldn't hold a job down ... but it was never his fault and the bosses were out to get him unfairly. Hmm

TurnipCake · 25/03/2017 23:16

I wouldn't be surprised if he's given the sack given that equipment is suddenly being destroyed not long after he started.

I would be very uncomfortable too, he's showing what he can be careful of.

I'd definitely not be marrying him

InfinityPlusOne · 25/03/2017 23:18

Run a strong fast as you can. He sounds like a very unpleasant individual.

InfinityPlusOne · 25/03/2017 23:18

*as fast as you can

FelixtheMouse · 25/03/2017 23:50

Dump him now. If you don't, one day he may turn on you. He's not a nice person.

AromatAddict · 26/03/2017 03:08

Reminds me of an ex. He has a very niche job that involved manual labour albeit very skilled (a craft) where he had access to the outside of peoples houses without them there for prolonged periods. Things would be OK at first but once he had been there a while or didn't turn up a few rimes when they were expecting him, things would usually get less friendly and then he would start damaging stuff and stealing stuff in petty revenge. That was a real eye opener I can tell you. I started looking closer at other things he did and the reasoning behind it and I left. Never regretted it.

AromatAddict · 26/03/2017 03:08

times

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 26/03/2017 03:23

Eeeee he sounds a bit unhinged and two faced OP.

Make a getaway.

DoingThisRight · 26/03/2017 06:12

Now just imagine if you piss him off what he could do to you?
Please listen to who this man is telling you he is. Sounds like a nasty person.

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 06:23

I'm sorry op but he does sound like a nasty person.

If he can do this to his new boss, he can do it to you.

The over whelming odds are he is fhe one who will be fired and he may even face criminal charges. The boss will know it's him, and will be the one the company backs up. Because ultimately it will be his word against the bosses.

So he is not only vengeful. He is also really really stupid. How will he take being fired, because I think you need to recognise this is what's going to happen next.💐

SewMeARiver · 26/03/2017 06:32

Fuck that. when someone tells you who they are listen!!

^This with bells.

Imagine the revenge he'd enact if things went wrong in the marriage? If he verbally confronted his boss and told him how shit he was, that'd be one thing. But the planned passive aggressiveness? Sorry, but I agree you should really reconsider actually becoming this man's wife. If you're uncertain, at least delay it a bit longer. Think. Are there any past incidents of low-grade passive aggression? I highly doubt this aspect of his personality has only just been revealed.

Sorry for having to be negative.

floraeasy · 26/03/2017 06:39

Oh dear!

I agree totally with PPs.

Please think hard. Have you noticed any previous indication that he is passive-aggressive or petty? There must be something in the previous three years?

I ask because I think you will see some kind of pattern emerging. I don't believe he could have kept this strong facet of his personality under wraps for three years.

I might help you see him for what he is, if you don't already.

I'm sorry this has happened, but just thank your lucky stars you can get out at this stage. Do look out for yourself though, as I suspect he won't take a break-up well either.

Flowers
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2017 06:53

I'm not surprised you're worried. I'd be very frightened. I would be putting myself on birth control immediately and extricating myself from the relationship. Do not start a family with this man, he sounds potentially dangerous.

Gallavich · 26/03/2017 07:18

Would he be so hateful if she was a man?!
He sounds completely awful. Please reconsider marrying him!

Ashvis · 26/03/2017 07:23

My friend married a man like that, very entitled, vindictive, destructive and generally unpleasant when he felt he was owed something. Very quickly after the proposal she felt trapped but didn't feel able to leave him because she had such low self esteem. They are, thankfully, divorced now, but it's been a very difficult process for her. She is in a good place now, but her adult life would have been much happier if she had run when she started to doubt. If your fiancé behaves like this at work, nothing to stop him doing it at home. My friend learned that the hard way.

FlowerOfTheValley · 26/03/2017 07:28

Whinging about a boss is not unusual. Destroying equipment at work, especially after two weeks, is disturbing and is not the behaviour of a decent man.

I would think there's a fair chance your DP will be sacked before his boss.

Perhaps the boss is grumpy because the equipment doesn't work properly.

Have you spoken to him about how this makes you feel?

NaiceBiscuits · 26/03/2017 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Falafelings · 26/03/2017 07:43

Boss shouldn't be shouting but he needs to complain about it properly. It is vengeful and spiteful. I couldn't be with someone who was plotting such a load of crap. He might play mind games with you next.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 26/03/2017 07:45

Destroying equipment at work is criminal damage. Even if he is yet to get caught it is still criminal. If you marry him you are marrying a criminal.

Do you want your children to have a criminal for a father?

Miserylovescompany2 · 26/03/2017 07:46

Normal people don't destroy equipment, unhinged people do! Listen to your intuition, it's SCREAMING at you...

coffeetasteslikeshit · 26/03/2017 07:48

Yep, what everyone else is saying.

WateryTart · 26/03/2017 07:53

Run away while you can and warn your DP's workplace. Someone could get hurt.

Ratbagcatbag · 26/03/2017 07:53

Can you imagine if you had kids with him and the relationship broke down, how vengeful he would be to prove you wrong and destroy you. And you would have to potentially co-parent for years in this situation. So once pregnant you will feel trapped knowing this and put up with all sorts.

Honestly, run and don't look back.

Berthatydfil · 26/03/2017 07:58

Gosh so when they find the damaged equipment who do you think they will suspect - the boss who is presumably s longstanding, experienced person trusted in a position of responsibility or the guy who has been there 2 weeks and doesn't seem to like his boss? Hmm that's a hard one to work out.HmmConfused

Lots of people don't like their bosses that's quite natural, the boss isn't getting paid to be his friend he's getting paid to manage him.

Most normal people if they are in s job they don't like or working with porople they don't like suck it up and try to work through it and if it doesn't get better look for another job, not undertake criminal damage and conspire to get a person (who is only doing their job) the sack.

Your dp will be found out, sacked without references and possibly even reported to the police, so he could end up with a criminal record. Repeat behaviour like this will mean he could end up unemployable or in shitty dead end jobs for ever.

I hope you're happy to financially support someone like that because you're going to have to once he gets the sack.

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