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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i just found out that my DP tries to get his boss fired

45 replies

worried42 · 25/03/2017 23:12

Hello. I have been in a relationship with my DP almost 3 years now and we planning to get married and have a family. Today i found out something that made me feel uneasy and i cant shake it off . My DP got a new job , he is only there for two weeks. He has been complaining about his boss and the way he "disrespects him" and "tries to blame him for everything that goes wrong". Having heard the incidents i will agree that the boss is not an angel but falls within the "normal" (if i can call it like that) situation where your boss can be grumpy and shout . I tried to tell him that its not personal and some people are just like that but he is into a revenge mode. After two long weeks he started destroying equipment at work and "has a plan how to get the boss fired". It made me so uncomfortable, this is a side of him i never saw before and i can not get it off my head how vengeful and spiteful can be. Any opinions appreciated , thank you

OP posts:

peukpokicuzo · 26/03/2017 08:08

Do not marry him!

All marriages have bumpy bits - none are idyllic and joyous every day for the next 50 years. Good people cope with the bumpiness with good will, empathy for others, and a willingness to admit one's own flaws. He has clearly shown you how he is going to behave once the honeymoon is but a dim and distant memory, and it's not pretty.

Kennington · 26/03/2017 08:14

He is a complete idiot at best and a nutter.
What on earth are his family like?
Who does that?
I wouldn't want to be around if someone crosses him.
Get it now.

PoorYorick · 26/03/2017 08:26

Thank God you found out he's a vengeful psychopath before you got shackled to him with marriage and kids.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/03/2017 08:43

I see alarm bells are ringing OP, and rightly so.
He is not a reasonable Man.
Most people would address their concerns, by having a conversation, and hopefully resolving the matter, or moving on.
Imagine if you unwittingly crossed him ... Please do not marry this man, you will live to regret it.
P.S. He won't change.

LIZS · 26/03/2017 08:49

He sounds deluded. What makes him think he will keep his job over someone more established. They can let him go for no reason let alone being vindictive and destructive. Sorry but he sounds like a poor choice and will grind you down. Run the other way.

Spadequeen · 26/03/2017 08:56

Op please listen to this man and everyone else

You obviously know and that's why you're asking. Good luck.

Megatherium · 26/03/2017 08:58

This is really weird behaviour. Taking his assessment of his boss at face value, anyone else in that situation would talk to the boss to try to sort things out, complain to HR, or, in the final analysis, simply start looking for another job. Deciding to destroy things and try to get an established employee fired is completely irrational - as people say, it won't work and your partner will inevitably end up being sacked himself, and possibly charged with criminal damage. So that will put paid to his chances of getting alternative employment. More seriously, it's nasty, vindictive and dishonest. You need this man out of your life.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 26/03/2017 09:14

When others say "have you seen this sort of behaviour before", it might also be worth thinking about other times when he's needed to be "right" - even if actually he didn't resort to pettiness or even you believed he was right. eg. If he's got on a political high horse and had to argue people down who held other views (even if you believe his position is right).

A need to not just feel he is right in his mind, but to 'win' is a worry.

Plus if the equipment has been fine for years, and then suddenly they hire someone new and everything starts breaking and investigations suggest it's been tampered with, wouldn't get the boss fired, but him. If the boss has been there for years, it'll be very very hard to fire him. Someone who's been there under a year is very easy to get rid of.

He's not just petty, he's thick too.

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 09:41

He's probably also on a probabationafy period, most work contracts have them. The company will know if things are suddenly being broken, he has only been there two weeks, and Has a significant issue with his supervisor that it is likely him.

His boss will probably have spoken to his boss and let that person know they have a problem on their hands. They won't take your partners word over the bosses, especially if the boss has been there a lot longer. They will know your partner is a significant problem and probably already discussing what to do about it. They will also probably suspect he is breaking the equipment.

He will get fired.

I am also surprised you've not spotted anything like this before. It's underhand, devious, dishonest and plain nasty. I also suspect he is poor at his job and dislikes authority. And you either are that type of person or you're not. If you are, I don't think you can hide it for too long. Not for three years.,.

Original poster

worried42 · 26/03/2017 17:58

Thank you all for the replies. I made a lot of thinking since i found out. I think that this incident is what i needed to force myself see the reality of who he is. I knew he is a person that thinks that he is never wrong and that everyone is out there to get him. Nothing ever is his fault , its always other being "jealous and intimidated by him" . So far most i saw was verbally towards me only, anything that he perceives as insult (can be as simple as telling him that he forgot something , anything trivial can make him mad) he will go into a mood to destroy you (verbally, untill you get tired and admit that it was all your fault). I dont know why i turned a blind eye to that but now i actually saw it materializing. I feel very sorry for the boss, i want to call the company and tell them but i dont know how to do that . I also tried to tell him that its not personal or that big deal, just a stressed manager tries to get the job done but he turned against me and said he wishes i was "normal" and "supportive" and that "no other woman would disrespect him and support the boss". I guess was my wake up call. Thank you all for the support , it helps me because i have no relatives or friends close and i got to do this alone

OP posts:

Original poster

worried42 · 26/03/2017 18:01

i know that is him that he is going to get fired but i still feel sorry for the boss, having to be the target of such a poisonous behaviour

OP posts:

floraeasy · 26/03/2017 18:38

Wow, OP!

I did (and others too) wonder if he had shown this side of him before and it certainly seems he has.

You sound very insightful and I think you know what you need to do now. Please extricate yourself from the rel'p very carefully, but firmly and be ready for vindictive behaviour from this man. Hopefully, it won't come to that, but with his track record........iyswim.

Be careful about telling the boss and if you do please make sure he never finds out it was you! Awful though the work situation is, I am sure they can handle rogue employees. My concerns are with you first and foremost.

P1nkP0ppy · 26/03/2017 18:42

Who the hell does he think he is?
I sincerely hope he gets the sack asap and yes, I would tell his boss that he's destroying equipment at work - that's criminal damage and a police matter I presume?
Run op. He's dangerous.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/03/2017 18:44

I think your DP will get fired before long...

What will he do then?

I wouldn't tell his boss about what he plans to do, just leave your DP or make plans to do so, but now.

You can do the legwork now, to find a new home (to rent or are you buying with him?), you could even stay with friends in meantime.

floraeasy · 26/03/2017 19:15

Yes, I'd get out BEFORE he gets sacked, to be honest.

Can you imagine the state he'll be in when that happens? I'd leave while he thinks he's getting one over on the boss

AromatAddict · 26/03/2017 20:02

From your recent post it is evident you are so much brighter than him OP. He will bring you down long term. Get out. Don't look back. He is only going to get worse and is unlikely to ever have an epiphany and see himself for what he is.Imagine what he would be like around kids ???

Strigoi · 26/03/2017 20:40

He sounds utterly unhinged. Neither the boss thing or your update describe the behaviour of a normal, well-adjusted person.

I rarely call LTB, but seriously, LTB.

Can you imagine if you had kids with him and the relationship broke down, how vengeful he would be to prove you wrong and destroy you. And you would have to potentially co-parent for years in this situation. So once pregnant you will feel trapped knowing this and put up with all sorts.

This, in spades. For the love of god, don't marry or have a child with someone who behaves in this way.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/03/2017 20:41

Wise woman, stay safe OP, we're here for you.

AdoraBell · 26/03/2017 20:54

Well done OP you've seen the light. Make a plan to leave sooner rather than later. Do not tell him what you are planning. Play nice until you leave.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/03/2017 20:54

After two long weeks he started destroying equipment at work and "has a plan how to get the boss fired"

And on top of this, he insists that people are intimidated by him and tries to "destroy you" verbally??

I agree with PPs that this man is downright dangerous and am glad you're starting to see the light. However please be very careful if and when you make plans to leave - I really can't see him taking it well

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