Unable to keep relationships in moderation (One extreme to another)

[Rk2076]

Hi all I'm outlining my issues with other people. Mostly gossiping arrogant two faced fake "friends". I was a people pleaser, sucking up to the people by buying them gifts on occasions, visiting their houses, doing favours. In turn never bought anything, said anything good, or encouraged me or even visited me. All they did was laugh at my divorce, gossip and laugh at my position as a welfare assistant did it for a month, they thought i did that for years. In fact I was a qualified Teaching Assistant
It hurt me to think that my so called "friends" gossip and talk about me behind my back.

I got divorced over 10 years ago I divorced him and left my ex with two children. He is on his 4th wife, 3 divorces. Jack the lad. So it wasn't me lol.

Back then when I came out if the divorce, stay home mum; I was indulging in gossipy bad habits myself, got the bad habits from my mum whilst living with parents and ex's family. If people talked about me I'd say something bad about them to their friends not face to face as i do now. Gossip about the latest thing happening especially at the children's primary school or people we knew- not good I know.

Anyway fast forward to now I'm nothing like the person I was. I'm outspoken, don't smile back at every fake smile or hi. Ignore and walk on lol. A cold hearted cow lol. Even with colleagues stopped going out my way to fit.
I don't indulge in gossip in one ear out the other. Busy with work home, boxsets, poetry writing, being creative and looking for a fella lol.
If someone insulted or pryed, I'd set them straight by saying "you want to start talk about your problems, i didn't think so" and give an example of a situation of someone of misfortunate events without mentioning who what and where. Don't pinpoint people any more if "He said, she said"
i don't like talking about myself as people never talk about their issues but love being nosey.
Anyway i rise above these lowlifes. The only time I've listened to something is when my friend and I are going through the same emotions kid's being bullied by the same people. We disliked the the same person as they had been gossiping about my friend i about our private issues. My friend made me laugh when she said something bad about them but had to reassert her in keeping herself to get self which she has done. She was like me but moved away i don't see her as often.

Now recently my daughter has friends, their mum's are friends with these lowlifes. Apparently one of the mum's told my daughter's friend that we've fallen out and most likely gossiped lol i could give a hoot now! Gossip and insults behind my back don't bother people unless my kids are bullied that's another issue.

I am more selfish than ever before for the last 2 years. Spend more treats on myself without feeling guilty. I deserve it after all that I've been through. I live myself and who I am in the list unarrogant way lol.
I don't chase constant ring my extended family alot stronger and keeping myself busy.

Anyway your thoughts and input please... I'm intrigued to find out if I've actually changed for the better or it is my delusional thinking?
😂

Difficult to follow your post, sorry - always a good idea to preview before posting 😀 . Sounds like you are still looking for validation and trying to please others all the time, though.

Why not work out what your priorities are, what your values are, and seek out the company of like minded people? Be polite to the rest only!

This is my first thread, negatively and rudeness will be ignored.

NB:
*No trolling my threads, private messages or comments
*Not here to make random friends I don't know
*Here just to give and receive positive supporting advice from people who are through the similar situations
*If you cannot follow do not comment

Take time to read the forum and its posting style. lol.
Dictating to other posters on a public board isn't going to get you anywhere.

If you post a more easy to understand post then you'll get a better answer. Your reaction to above says a lot about why you might be having issues with relationships.

I'm too scared to post now.

Tbh it sounds like you were maybe quite needy and intense as a friend, with the intention of being nice. Now you have swung the other way and have crossed the line into rudeness.

Easily done. It takes a while to get the balance right.

I would love to help but can't.

Sweetie, you can't dictate what is said on your thread. Literally NO control over that..

In fact a big no-no to do that. On here, anyway. Which is a longstanding community with specific rules (unspoken) and etiquette. You'll be fried, in short.

What you have posted is deeply personal and would be better aired in a safe seeing eg a therapist. Definitely not on here...

Off the top of my head, gossip is a specific toxic malady that has myriad entrails that have a tendency to run and run ad infinitum: get involved and it takes a long time to rid yourself of its effects re you may be reaping what you have sown.

Phone on go slow, I would like to post more. Laters.

OP you're coming across very aggressively. Is that the vibe you're going for?

i don't like talking about myself

Yes we can tell

What a ridiculous OP. Basically you want to talk about yourself and have everyone tell you how fab you are. You're actually quite rude and full of yourself imvho. No doubt you'll be ignoring this though 😏

Yeah, I wonder why no one likes you..?

Honestly? You're coming across as an arsehole. If you're happy & comfortable with that, go for it, it's your life & no need to change for other people, but you don't come across as content with your lot.

i don't like talking about myself
😂 Course not.

How wonderful to be so much better than everyone else around you.

Honest opinion? I don't think you've changed.

My reason? Because you have spent your whole OP talking about, and consequently being, the very thing that you say you are not. Your words are judgemental; you have black-and-white thinking; you have elevated yourself above "lowlifes".

No, I think you are terrified that you haven't changed much at all.

springydaffs has it, and stated it far more compassionately.

It might be easier and more expedient if you told us what you wanted people to post?

I could give it a stab?

I don't blame you Hun, those other mums are just bitches and are jealous of you lol

Did I get it right?

This is funny

Maybe this isn't the forum for you?

OP, wow! That was a bit rude to me! My suggestion to preview your post was meant to help you - if there are too many typos and mix ups in your (long) post, people will find it hard to read. The preview function allows you to check - and you will reach more people who will try to help that way, as you can at least edit and help your post make more sense.

Tbh you seem aggressive and rude. You appear to want everything on your terms and you don't care about what others around you need or want. You are coming across as being very self serving and entitled. So no, I don't think you have changed for the better.

Scary - seems a suitable response but you forgot the ❤❤ and xxxxx at the end.

Victoria is that you?

What a ridiculous post, and followed by a ridiculous attitude. Try being less rude and more kind and you should be just fine.

Stop. Wind yer neck in. Take a deep breath.
As you say, this is your first post, we don't know you and vice versa, you don't know us. We're not necessarily the enemy.
You seem to just be sharing your situation, rather than asking for advice.

For what it's worth, I agree that mostly keeping your own counsel is the better tactic in this life. And treading slowly and gently in new friendships to get the trust into place before giving out your life story.
I disagree about the fake smiles and not responding. You should smile and wave, smile and wave. When they pay your rent, then their opinion matters. Smile and wave - it makes people wonder what you know that they don't.