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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please advise

27 replies

Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 17:40

Please advise on this situation ,too tired to think about sex....
At the moment Iam having numerous tests for conditions like MS lumber punctures MRIs etc.As I am feeling dreadful all the time and so exhausted. I have other health conditions too.I have been with partner seven years and lately all I am getting from him is how dreadful it is because he isn't getting regular sex...this is because I feel so poorly I ve not felt like it . It's getting to the point where I don't want to talk to him as it's always the same topic of conversation...it's draining.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 05/03/2017 17:43

Your health > his dick

Holly3434 · 05/03/2017 17:45

If he ain't happy he knows where the door is then. Your health comes first.

RandomMess · 05/03/2017 17:48

Blimey not much of a partner is he! How long have you been together, have you DC together?

Original poster
Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 18:01

Seven years together and a two year old.random .Plus he will not use any protection but withdraws instead.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/03/2017 18:07

He sounds increasingly awful.

Has he taken over doing all the household chores and looking after the toddler whilst you are unwell?

Pollyanna9 · 05/03/2017 18:09

Are you on the pill/coil or anything??

Original poster
Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 18:17

I was on the pill for a long time but came off on doctors advise as it was making me feel terribly ill.

OP posts:
Original poster
Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 18:20

To be fair he cooks and plays with DS Random. I just wish he'd be more bothered about how I felt than telling me we only had sex once or twice in two weeks.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/03/2017 18:24

Point I'm making is that if he was doing everything else perhaps you would have the energy to actually have sex of some sort (ie low energy on your part).

He hasn't actually gone that long without sex anyway!!! A week at most??? WTF is he complaining about?

Original poster
Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 18:29

That's what I thought. I thought that considering I'm poorly at moment he is doing bloody well but he has a high sex drive and he tells me that couples on average it's three times a week???? What he doesn't get is the more he talks about it the less I think he cares about how I feel and so the less I want to do it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/03/2017 18:36

I think you need to be very blunt and tell him that his attitude is a complete turn off and you don't feel like ever having sex with him again after the last few weeks/months and his attitude has been so uncaring towards you.

Original poster
Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 18:47

I think your right ... He will probably find it elsewhere if I say that but I just want to feel better and sex isn't a priority for me at the moment.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/03/2017 18:56

Angry do you really mean that little to him Shock?

Original poster
Belle2828 · 05/03/2017 19:02

I think he loves me but he is very highly sexed

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/03/2017 19:06

FGS tell him to man up and deal with it himself!

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 19:17

Nobody NEEDS sex EVER! He isn't highly sexed, he's being a petulant uncaring bully OP. Why cant he just have a wank? You are not just a fuck hole ffs!

Emboo19 · 05/03/2017 19:34

I really don't get these kind of men! My boyfriend has a very high sex drive, but....he wants to have sex with a girlfriend who wants it as much as him.

If you seriously think he'll look elsewhere because of this. Then I'm sorry but he's likley the kind of guy to cheat if/when the opportunity arises. Regardless of how often he's getting it!!

notanothernamechangebabes · 06/03/2017 08:28

I'm 6 months pp. DP and I had sex every day until the last week of my pregnancy. We're now 6 months with not so much as a quickie.

And he is absolutely 10000000% not putting on any pressure, at all.

We've both made a couple of jokes about it, but he wouldn't DREAM of hounding me when I'm so obviously just not in a sexy place at the moment. Because my mental, physical and emotional wellbeing matters to him more than a shag.

Your health won't get any better with the added stress of his harassment. Id suggest next time he brings it up, you firmly tell him something along these lines, then ask outright what matters to him more - a shag or your peace of mind.

If he tells you it's sex- I think you know what to do....

notanothernamechangebabes · 06/03/2017 08:30

And sorry OP but you you think he loves you??? After 7 years and a baby???

Oh Lordy.

Don't fuck him- fuck him off.

Original poster
Belle2828 · 06/03/2017 10:42

I've shown him the door ...I need to think about my health...I shouldn't be stressing about that. I need to concentrate on getting well for my baby boy. I've got tests coming up this week...lumber puncture so hopefully will get some answers soon. Thanks for your input everyone x

OP posts:
notanothernamechangebabes · 06/03/2017 10:52

Are you okay?? That's a huge step, and so brave.

Well done for putting yourself and your son first. And I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't feel your energy lift a bit now that you're free of his harassment.

Flowers for you - and fingers crossed your health problems begin to resolve- or at least you get some answers

Original poster
Belle2828 · 06/03/2017 11:06

Yeah I'm fine thanks. I wanted to get rid of that added stress as it was always hanging over me....it wasn't easy but I need people thinking about what I need rather than their needs......I was thinking what if he goes gets someone else now but hey they can get mithered instead of me. I know it is the right thing to do as I was starting to feel guilty and that just isn't fair.

OP posts:
notanothernamechangebabes · 06/03/2017 11:11

My mums third husband was basically a sec pest. He left her when she had a nervous breakdown and didn't want sex any more. And guess what.... without the sexual pressure, she found she could address her psych issues and didnt just get better.... she got amazing. She took a foundation degree. Got a great job. Found a new partner... and even though she still has bad days, she's definitely not "sick" any more.

Wishing a similar trajectory for you. You sound like your head is totally screwed on, and I'm sure that whatever life is throwing at you, you'll find the strength to deal with it.

And good luck to his next partner, I say! Let's hope she has an inexhaustible supply of patience

Original poster
Belle2828 · 06/03/2017 11:28

Smile Thankyou you so much I feel a little bit better already. Think I will take my DS out while it's nice....thank you for your support,it's appreciated a lot.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 06/03/2017 12:28

Well done OP, your body is not a convenience for this selfish prick; you are well rid, how bloody awful does he sound, highly sexed my arse, he just wants everything on his terms.