I wish I could tell you

[Outedlasttimenamechangeagain]

How it feels to cry at night because you don't love me
That love shouldn't ever make you feel the way your love feels
That I wish you would chase me rather than let me go
That every day I'm without you it hurts more and I feel like I'm broken
That nights are the worst because you're not here
That you've hurt me so much I don't know how to heal
That I've had to pull over in a lay by and cry like I have never cried before twice in the last week
That I have never heard me scream or sob the way I did when I had to pull over
That losing you is the hardest thing I've ever done
That walking away is also the most important thing I've ever done
That the way you would rather go chasing after another girl and not me has almost killed me
That I love you so deeply it hurts
That when you blank me my heart breaks all over again
How no contact gets harder every day but I won't break
How I don't understand that no contact makes me feel like I'm winning
How I wish you were here to tell this to

Hang in there

I am so sorry to hear of your pain Outed.

It doesn't feel like it now, but the pain will fade and you will heal.

That made me cry I am going to write one myself I think seeing as my DH of 21 years managed to write a ton of song lyrics/poems to someone he had a huge" thing " about 11 years ago that I found by chance 3 months ago-- (and has totally devastated me) I think I might manage one myself and leave it there with the letter if/when I decide to go. Big hug to you

All good stuff. At times like this, the more dramatic and intense you feel the better.

You WILL get there. I promise you

I want to get there. It hurts it's been a week and all I can think of is him.

It's so bloody hard and you may not understand how no contact makes you feel like you're winning but you are winning, you really are.

I know I have to go through all this soon, I don't want to but there is no other way.

We can do this.

I'm in no contact to. Totally relate.

I think no contact would be easier if he would contact me in some way, I know that's also the thing that could make it fail.

No contact is hard.

I'm doing no contact too. White knuckles. Keep strong. Keep strong.

You are doing well OP (and others). Stay strong

😘😘😘
Hugs lovely. You're strength will come. I know your pain. X

I spoke to him tonight, it was all about him.

I wish I could tell him to go jump off a cliff.

Did he initiate contact?

I'm struggling tonight but trying to remain strong. Not quite 2 weeks of NC for me yet.

Me too. Only day 5 here.
Stay strong x

Oh love

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you.

xxxx

Great words I am 3 weeks no contact after 2 years of trying to fix him , I really am winning it's healing honestly please stay 💪

He initiated contact and as soon as the conversation was over I blocked his number.

I've been awake most of the night I realised he will never choose me. It hurts that he will never choose me, but it also gives me strength. How long does it take for this to get easier?

It will take as long as it takes , no time or date on this , you will get stronger and you want him to choose you , all you have to do today is breathe and not overthink , please keep his number blocked and don't be tempted for any little crumb from him.

I know it's hard but our emotions are ours to own, we just need to decide how we are going to feel. Choosing to smile is a good first step. Smile for yourself, smile at people around you, sing a little song as you go about your day. He is not making you sad, you are making yourself sad. Make yourself happy instead.

I'm sorry to hear that Outed. My situation is I had an argument with my ex (before he was my ex) and he believes he cannot give me the 110% of his attention I needed (his view but I've worked on some stuff during this period!) thing is he was utterly besotted with me, puersued me and I came to expect a certain level of attention! He claims no one with compare to me, he doesn't want anyone else but he can't do it anymore!
It kills me!!

So am 3 weeks into our split but 12 days of actual no contact after he was repeating the same things over and over.

Deleted me on fb after seeing pictures of me trying to have a good time

Kirk, my question is what are your plans for initiating contact after no contact or are you not going to? Have been reading about it and just weary of starting again after 30 days or so...I do know not what to say or do this time!

To answer your question I have no plans to initiate contact , he has broken me and I am in a recovery phase , his contact serves no
Purpose in my recovery , contact from him with his cruel mind games doesn't allow me to heal , I am done with him !

Being no contact is so hard, I've done nearly all of the 30 days once. And I failed. Nothing much to add, but I feel your pain.
I'm back at day 1. How we get through this I don't know. But all I know is that I can't face waking up in 5 years and still feeling like this. Love I think isn't love unless it's happy and mutual. Love has to be mutual.
I went to a wedding at the weekend and realised that their love is mutual. It's happy and loving and we all deserve that. Everyone deserves that. That is what you have to hold onto. You deserve proper love. Not a half love

I've blocked and unblocked more times than I can remember! Maybe we can try and be strong together!

I wish I could tell him how much I am missing him. How I wish we could just talk like we always did about random stuff all day.

I wish I could tell him that I'm trying so hard to put on a brave face, and sometimes it works, but then it hits me all of a sudden and I want to hurt into tears.

I wish I could tell him how I dread the weekends without him and ask him just how he is going on without contacting me, does it hurt him?

Feeling really low today. Day 19 of no contact.