Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do they come back?

50 replies

armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 18:33

Ok a few questions whatever your circumstances were?

Do they come back ever once they've left?

How long does it take for them to realise what a massive mistake they've made?

Did you take them back?

OP posts:
TempusEedjit · 21/02/2017 18:57

Who said they made a mistake by leaving? I left my exH 7 years ago and it was the best thing ever did.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2017 18:59

How on earth can anyone answer this ?

Every situation is different

Dudette29 · 21/02/2017 19:10

What are YOUR circumstances? Maybe people that have been in that position can help?

Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 19:33

Mine left 4 months ago saying he wasn't happy. We have 2 young boys. We've been together for 22 years though. I just thought we had everyday troubles of a couple with young kids and busy Jobs. He denies an OW. Just wondered if they ever do regret what they've done. And yes, I want my family back together. 😢

OP posts:
clumsyduck · 21/02/2017 19:35

Sorry if I sound mean but men are not like one collective mind Confused
Also why would you want him back treading on egg shells incase he goes again ??

Littledarlingsun · 21/02/2017 19:38

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I can see you're desperately searching for answers but no one can tell you. I've been there and I reached a point where I no longer wanted him back.
Try and concentrate on looking after yourself and your boys. Time will heal and time will tell.

housewifedesperate · 21/02/2017 20:02

Question whether you want him back..... He's already treated you and your children badly.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2017 20:45

It is highly likely there is OW. I would take it as a given in your situation. In general, men do not give up their home comforts to find themselves unless they are looking for it between the legs of a new model

Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 20:58

Really, you think? He told me he just felt unhappy and in a rut.
I'd have thought after 4 months I'd have found out too? I'm not sure...

OP posts:
awishes · 21/02/2017 21:05

He will have OW.
Then he will realise the grass is rarely greener.
Hopefully by the point he realises what he has lost you will not want him back.
Look after yourself 💐

Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 21:08

Wow that sets me back a bit to be honest. He did seem quite angry when he was leaving. Maybe that was guilt and not upset as I'd thought.
So when and how might she surface? God, if this is true I'd lose all hope completely 💔

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/02/2017 21:08

Yes, I believe so

AnyFucker · 21/02/2017 21:10

If I had a pound for every "new girlfriend" that appears a few months down the line, I would be a rich woman indeed

Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 21:12

Oh no! We were each others first EVERYTHING! I could never imagine being with anyone else apart from him!
What should I look for to find out?

OP posts:
Gallavich · 21/02/2017 21:14

I'm really sorry, it's true. Men don't leave after 22 years unless they are leaving for an OW or maybe having a major mental health breakdown.

HmmOkay · 21/02/2017 21:18

Where is he living?

How often does he have the children?

piginboots · 21/02/2017 21:19

armouredone1 I'm sorry you're having such a shit time.

As said upthread every situation is different and men don't have one collective mind. There may or may not be an OW, no-one on this thread knows (no matter what they say or what they would place bets on). Ditto for him returning.

I totally agree with the advice that you need to think about what you want, though, bearing in mind all that he has done to you and told you.

You will be OK, with or without him Flowers

manhowdy · 21/02/2017 21:20

Oh armouredone1 I am sorry Sad

Every morning when you wake up tell yourself that you don't want a relationship with a man who could treat you and your children like this.

Then one day in the not to distant future you'll wake up and realise you believe it.

Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 21:20

He's seeing the boys regularly albeit at a relatives house. I've just been waiting for him to come to his senses to be honest.

OP posts:
user1487704718 · 21/02/2017 21:20

Op I've been where you are. I'm still there. Just a year down the line. Feel free to pm me x

HmmOkay · 21/02/2017 21:22

What do you mean regularly? Every day?

And is he living with this relative?

Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 21:22

And did another woman turn up in your case User?

OP posts:
Original poster
armouredone1 · 21/02/2017 21:23

Thank you all for your advice by the way. As you can imagine, I've never seen anyone go through this so may be a bit naive.

OP posts:
Chinnygirl · 21/02/2017 21:25

When he broke up with me to go to OW I asked/told him: "Are you really sure because I will never give you a second chance?". I don't think he has the balla to come back and I'm now much happier with my new DP.

Don't be a doormat and take him back, he can stew in his own shit. You are more worth than being treated as if you're not good enough.

Underthemoonlight · 21/02/2017 21:26

I've been where you are but my advise you should never take someone back who would treat you like this do it once they will do it again, I never had ex back but my friend had her BF back and he left twice she says she wishes she never had him back the first time. Any fucker is rightness personal experience there is always normally ow

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.