Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I just delete and move on?

44 replies

FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 11:50

Started talking to someone on a gay OLD site.

We talked alot through messages moved to whatsapp. She seems keen. Very complimentary. Keeps saying she likes me.

We planned to meet Friday night. Wednesday she asked if we could swap to Saturday. Thursday asked if we could go back to Friday.

Friday comes. It's 5pm and I'm getting ready. We were meeting for an hour. I had somewhere to be. She says she's been kept late at work. Can't possibly meet me at the time we arranged and as I have to leave can we rearrange?

I say last night but she was busy.
She suggests lunch Sunday.

All this time we've been talking still. She sent me photos of her night out last night.
But now it's almost midday and I've not had a message about today :/

We never arranged a time.

Shall I just delete and move on.

We get along talking and she keeps saying she wants to meet me but ...?

OP posts:
Friolero · 05/02/2017 11:54

Yes I would delete, couldn't be bothered with the hassle, it sounds like it would always be on her terms.

Ilovecaindingle · 05/02/2017 11:56

So she managed to keep to her plans for last night but not the plans with you?? Delete. .

HighbrowEyebrow · 05/02/2017 11:56

If she's rearranged four times she doesn't really want to meet you. Move on.

Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 11:58

We weren't supposed to meet last night. It was Friday. But I couldn't stay passed 8pm. I had prior plans. She said by the time she would be able to get there I would have to leave so there wasn't much point (agreed)

Highbrow. I'd agree by the actions but it's all 'I'm so sorry this hasn't worked out. I really want to meet you. Can we xyz'

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 05/02/2017 12:04

I would'nt say she doesn't want to meet you it sounds like she's not ready to meet anyone yet(her life may not be the way she's portrayed it to you online)or maybe she's to nervous.

I had the same when I did online dating with one guy,he hadn't met up with anyone else,he was so nervous about meeting(his life wasn's as sorted as he made out)that in the end I didn't bother it worked out really well for me I went on to meet my DH online.

HighbrowEyebrow · 05/02/2017 12:06

This is how she behaves when she's trying to make a good impression. She'll only get worse.

Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 12:11

Hmm
She just txt about lunch.

What do you think? Go or not?

OP posts:
mumgointhroughtorture · 05/02/2017 12:14

I would forget it. Maybe do the same back and see how long it takes her to realise. Get to 30 mins before and cancel on her .

she obviously thrives on the thrill of the chase . This will end in tears !

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 05/02/2017 12:19

I wouldn't bother. She sounds like she is keeping you as a back up.

Badgoushk · 05/02/2017 12:21

Meet her once. What have you got to lose!

HighbrowEyebrow · 05/02/2017 12:27

I wouldn't meet her today.

If you aren't up for being messed around, there's no point.

If you really want something to happen, bear in mind that she now knows that either a) you had no plans for Friday, Saturday or Sunday or b) you're so desperate for her you cancelled plans at the drop of a hat. Neither of those things are sexy.

user1471545174 · 05/02/2017 12:30

I wouldn't because she has messed you around so much. She might be pre-testing your limits so if you met her at short notice after all that, you'd be revealing yourself as a pushover.

likeacrow · 05/02/2017 12:33

I'd go for lunch if you're free as you could have a great laugh, but don't suggest the next date: she needs to do the running now. And if she messes you around again, leave it.

Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 12:40

I had plans Friday. Thats why we couldn't meet, I had to be gone by 8pm. I was going out. Saturday night I went out with friends. I'm not desperate at all Hmm

OP posts:
Ladyformation · 05/02/2017 12:46

Agree with likeacrow - at worst you'll have a decent lunch and a mildly amusing story. But she needs to make a VERY good impression from now on or I wouldn't be bothering any more.

loveyoutothemoon · 05/02/2017 13:12

I wouldn't.

Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 13:14

Right she asked. I said I didn't know as it was already lunch time. She said we can do any time.

I said ok how about a drink in town.

She says 'what time. I'm still in bed. ' I said and no reply for almost 20 mins.

How do I do this?

'Sorry I don't think this is going to work?'

And delete?

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 05/02/2017 13:16

Delete. She's displaying ambivalence meaning that she's bot sure she's wants to meet you. If she wanted to, she would. In the meantime you're being messed about. One rearrangement - fine. But by the 2 and the 3. No, there has to be a boundary. The messages kind of is, 'my time is more important than your time' ' I don't care how my dithering is impacting you'. Selfish and inconsiderate.

Deadsouls · 05/02/2017 13:18

Just saw last message.
'Something came up. I can't meet you today. I've also been thinking and this isn't going to work for me. All the best'

Delete

Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 13:22

Thats perfect dead souls. Thanks. Will use that

OP posts:
Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 13:25

Done. Thanks guys.

Just been through 18 months of feeling like I was the one doing all the work. Not doing it again.

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 05/02/2017 13:27

Grin good to recognise what you do and don't want in a relationship/person and what will make you happy or not. Also I suspect in your gut you knew what you wanted to do but just needed to check it out.

Sweets101 · 05/02/2017 13:29

I must be a loser i'd have given her the benefit of the doubt for today. 20 mins isn't long not to reply she could have been in the shower.

likeacrow · 05/02/2017 13:31

Onwards and upwards Smile

Original poster
FoxAndTheBound · 05/02/2017 13:31

Sweets I spend a whole relationship being the person who was always chasing and always allowing the other person to make all the decisions. I let her fuck me over completely.

I dobt want to start anything with that same dynamic.

It's been 4 days of trying to meet up when we live 30 mins away from each other. I can't be bothered with everything becoming a game and never knowing if plans will be cancelled at the last minute (I was dressed and ready to leave the house Friday!)

OP posts: