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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help...having an office affair

46 replies

hg4748 · 02/02/2017 11:04

I have recently got extremely close with someone I work with, I love my partner and wouldn't want to cheat on him.

My colleague is being extremely forward and I am more and more intrigued?

Has anyone been in this position, did you go forward/ tell your other half or regret it?

Thanks

OP posts:
Tenshidarkangel · 02/02/2017 11:07

Frankly, you cant love you partner that much if you're thinking of cheating. Even contemplating it is a bad sign.

So either end it with the DP or tell the other person to back off/avoid them. Not fair on either party for you to have your cake and eat it while messing with other people.

Kr1stina · 02/02/2017 11:09

No, no one has ever been in this position before. Everyone else who is in a committed relationship is dead from the waist down and has never been been tempted or fancied anyone else.

This means that your feeling for your colleague are special and unique and you should go ahead and cheat on your partner who you claim to love . Because, you know, you are intrigued.

QuiteLikely5 · 02/02/2017 11:11

It will end badly. You know that but at the moment your colleague is desperate to sleep with you so he will do anything to make that happen.

If you want to do it just dump your partner.

Whathappensnowthen · 02/02/2017 11:11

Yes. I grew close to someone at work. We embarked on an affair, but more of a FWB as he has categorically stated he won't be leaving his wife. I'm no good with all the deception. I have now left my husband.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 02/02/2017 11:12

My colleague is being extremely forward and I am more and more intrigued?

Im sure your encouragement isnt helping, you know with you not wanting to cheat and all that Hmm

JustAnotherPoster00 · 02/02/2017 11:13

What would your advice be to your DP if he was asking the question on here?

elQuintoConyo · 02/02/2017 11:15

Keep it in your pants.

Change job.

Tell your DP why.

SuperSange · 02/02/2017 11:19

^^. This. And you know it.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 02/02/2017 11:22

Looks like you're going to have to find another way of justifying it OP not that you'll be back I'm sure you've probably flounced already

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/02/2017 11:27

There should be a warning klaxon going off in your head.

Frazzeledandfuckedoff · 02/02/2017 11:33

What exactly do you want help with?
Grow up.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/02/2017 11:35

My H was in your position.

He never got any further than sexting with his also married work colleague before I found the WhatsApp messages.

It still devastated our lives and those of our three DCs. It still may be what ends our 20 year marriage - we have been apart for an entire year but are still working on things. I still love him and do actually believe that he loves me (although his actions at the time suggested otherwise) and he is doing everything he can to regain my trust - but is that even ever possible?

In short, no, don't do it. Stop it NOW. If you love your DP cut all contact with the OM (other than absolutely essential work stuff). If you want to be with the OM, then have the common decency to finish your relationship with your partner first.

This is the way lives are ruined. Usually unintentionally - but ruined nonetheless.

womanwithoutasong · 02/02/2017 11:42

Ineresting first post journalist by chance?

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2017 11:43

Does you colleague happen to work for a newspaper by any chance?

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2017 11:44

X post with woman Grin

SoupDragon · 02/02/2017 11:48

WTF is it with cheaters recently? There seem to be more and more of them joining MN to whinge.

Niskayuna · 02/02/2017 11:49

Yeah.

I thought "Hm, now what is it this person is offering that I feel I'm not getting at home?"

I made a mental list of those things.

I went home.

I said "Hey, we really gotta work on our communication/time together... yadda yadda."

Didn't speak to't other bloke again.

Changed jobs.

It highlighted an issue. Did not become one.

Basically you've clearly got something wrong, iffy, weird or missing in your relationship. Unless you've got kids breaking up would be easy, so why are you keeping him around? Use your feelings as a key to either unlocking what you feel is lacking at home (and go home and work on fixing it) or an eye-opener where you realise you're not really as into your partner as you thought.

sarahnova69 · 02/02/2017 11:50

Go ahead, as long as you want to end your relationship, fuck up your job, and hurt your partner as much as possible in the process.

The only people who don't deeply, deeply regret this kind of thing are people who are in a dead relationship and are ultimately able to use this as the spur to get out, and even then they generally regret hurting their ex so badly. Also, shitting where you eat is never a very good idea. The most likely outcome of all of this is that you end up single, heartbroken, and miserable in your job, probably having to leave it.

If you want out of your relationship, get out. If you don't want out of your relationship, knock this on the head now. You're a grownup, feelings aren't magical, you control your actions. Believe it and act like it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/02/2017 11:52

'being extremely forward'?

You ARE Jane Austen, and I claim my £5.

F1GI · 02/02/2017 11:52

OP, you will likely fuck up your life and other people's if you go ahead with this. Work affairs are a cliche and the majority end in disaster. Don't go there!

seafoodeatit · 02/02/2017 11:54

Don't do it, and to be honest with the getting really close you are clearly dancing on the line of cheating. Ask yourself why it is you find this so 'intriguing' and either tell your colleague it's really inappropriate/work somewhere else or let your OH go, you can't have your cake and eat it, either respect the relationship you're in or end it.

Hellochicken · 02/02/2017 11:55

If you don't "want" to cheat on him, you don't have to. Intrigue isn't a very compelling reason.

So what are the likely consequences - deception, guilt, likely relationship breakdown, awkard work circumstances, your colleagues know you are a fool.

Huskylover1 · 02/02/2017 12:12

My colleague is being extremely forward and I am more and more intrigued?

I guarantee you, that if you get into his pants, all you will find is yet another set of cock and balls.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 02/02/2017 12:20

I'll be honest, yes, I was in this situation. I was living with my (now ex) boyfriend, had been for 3.5 years and started a new job. Instant chemistry with a guy there who felt it too. Over around a year, we grew closer and closer and suddenly I realised that I just couldn't stop thinking about him and we were flirting like nothing else. Came to a head just before he took a Years sabbatical. He tried to kiss me, I pulled away but broke up with my boyfriend the next week.
The difference is, I wasn't pretending I was happy with my boyfriend. He was violent, controlling and abusive and I'd been feeling hideously trapped for such a long time. The colleague just gave me the push to leave, the push I needed.
If you were happy, you wouldn't even be contemplating going any further or indeed encouraging your colleague.

GinIsIn · 02/02/2017 12:26

Which newspaper is it you work for? Hmm

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