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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husbands ex turned up at party

42 replies

Busybeesmum · 01/02/2017 19:41

So I recently got back with my husband after a two year separation. During that time he was with another woman for around a year. This woman vaguely knows a friend of mine.
Anyway last week was my friends 30th and the ex turned up at her party with another one of my friends friends if that makes sense. Anyway when I turned up she gave me daggers and I ignored it. After a few drinks she came up to me and started mouthing off saying that my husband used her as he was still obsessed with me and that im a bitch. I just walked away as I was still fairly sober.
This sounds ridiculous but I can't stop thinking about it. I don't like confrontation so it upset me. I will probably bump into her again at some stage and don't really know what to do if I do

OP posts:

Wellitwouldbenice · 01/02/2017 19:43

Well what did your husband say about this?

Offred · 01/02/2017 19:43

What you did do was fine IMO.

She is probably mad that your husband used her but is taking it out on the wrong person.

Original poster

Busybeesmum · 01/02/2017 19:44

He said she's unbalanced and left it at that

OP posts:

HecateAntaia · 01/02/2017 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovecaindingle · 01/02/2017 19:45

Sounds like you remained dignified. . And your dh is prob right. .
Just forget her. .

scoobydoo1971 · 01/02/2017 19:46

This woman obviously has no pride nor dignity if she is airing her personal business in a party, and is just looking for a confrontation that frames her as 'the victim'. Relationships break down, and people reconcile for all sorts of reasons. You were embarrassed that she was at the party, and she probably felt the same way. You can understand she may feel like blaming you, but it would be for the best not to lower yourself to her standards by turning it into a slanging match.

3awesomestars · 01/02/2017 19:46

Sounds like you handled it really well, and walked away with dignity. 💐

Hissy · 01/02/2017 22:35

I agree that you did handle it with good grace!

Tbh, I can imagine she feels very bitter about having been picked up and dropped by your ex.

It's not fair that she takes it out on you, but the best you can do is to do what you did.

tipsytrifle · 01/02/2017 23:03

I agree that you handled it well. Very well. It's unfortunate (or extremely insensitive) that she was "allowed" to just turn up. Invited or just turned up? It might have been better if there had been some words to the wise from others who might have known in advance that she and you would both be there.

If meeting her is inevitable then it's likely you're going to have to maintain that dignity on a few more occasions before she detaches from her doomed relationship with your H.

It's difficult when mutual friends are involved and I hope I'm wrong in wondering if an element of anticipated drama might have been involved at the invitation stage.

HeddaGarbled · 02/02/2017 00:08

Come on, come on, she's hurting. Yes, she made a fool of herself and yes, her beef should be with your H not you, but for your H to have shagged her, dumped her and then dismiss her as unbalanced is nasty.

TheNaze73 · 02/02/2017 07:55

She chose to be with a seperated man, so was obviously a stepping stone & then takes it out on you? Bloody cheek! You were dignified & handled it very well I think

Nospringflower · 02/02/2017 08:01

I'm with Hedda - easy for your husband to dismiss her as unbalanced when he's the one thats left his wife, shagged her, left her, back to the wife. Nice.

HelenDenver · 02/02/2017 08:04

"She chose to be with a seperated man"

Together after a year of separation, together for a year. Hardly unreasonable

WannaBe · 02/02/2017 08:12

There are posts on here all the time from women who are in relationships with men who are still (in their view) over-involved with their ex's. And where the ex's are still hoping for reconciliation and the man is telling her it ain't ever going to happen, and then weeks/months later they run straight back to their ex.

If he's painting her as unbalanced you might want to have a think about what he probably said to her about you wile they were together. I'd bet money it wasn't anything complimentary.

It's really unfortunate for you that you got dragged into all of this, and clearly you handled it well, but if you were separated for two years there was presumably a reason for that? I'd be looking hard at dh's response to her and wondering just how back together you really want to be.

Original poster

Busybeesmum · 03/02/2017 00:17

She is unbalanced though. She used to quiz my son if i had had any men over so she could cause issues. She used to pretend to be unwell to test whether dh would stay and cancel visiting the kids he never did! Ive heard from my friend she just turned up looking for a confrontation

OP posts:

abbsisspartacus · 03/02/2017 00:22

She sounds immature

iloveberries · 03/02/2017 01:11

Why was your DH with her if she was so unbalanced?

Did she know you'd be at this party?

I feel quite sorry for her.

ItsAMessyLife · 03/02/2017 01:22

Are you the poster who split with your husband because he didn't want a fifth child? If I recall correctly, your husband would beg you to give your marriage another go while he was still with her. I can understand why she's hurt. She shouldn't have acted the way she did but you and your husband treated her very badly.

Original poster

Busybeesmum · 03/02/2017 07:50

She knew id be there. Messy thats right but i havent treated her badly as i wasnt in a relationship with her

OP posts:

NeeNahh · 03/02/2017 07:52

I feel sorry for her. She must feel very hurt and used. I think you did the right thing by walking away but I don't think it reflects very well on your husband that he is calling her unbalanced.

FearTheLiving · 03/02/2017 07:54

I remember your last thread. That poor woman. No wonder she's unhinged.

jeaux90 · 03/02/2017 07:57

Yep I feel sorry for her too. Sounds like she has been treated badly even though she does sound a bit nuts.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/02/2017 07:59

So she's the mother of his children?

AQuietMind · 03/02/2017 08:00

So you were the ow? Have I got that right? You and your husband both sound selfish dragging other people into your marital problems and bed. I feel sorry for her.

Original poster

Busybeesmum · 03/02/2017 08:04

No i was not the ow and im the mother of his children not her.

OP posts:

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