Equal Hobby Money?

[MuldersMouldySkully]

My OH is about to start a hobby that costs £40 a month.
So should I be able to spend £40 a month on a hobby too?
Fwiw: I'm purposefully being vague about details but I'm the SAHP, they're the working parent. We can easily afford it.

So shoiukd we booth have equal hobby money, even though its not 'my' money iyswim?

Yes, why wouldn't you?

If you can easily afford it, then why not?

Though I don't know how you can bear to be financially dependent on someone if you don't regard the money that he earns as shared money.

How is it not your money?

Would it make a difference what the hobby is too?

It is only not 'My' money as I don't earn it.
It is 'my' money though as it goes into a shared account that I have full access too and a card for.

If your DH is happy for you to be a SAHP, then I think the money is as much yours as it is his. I don't think it makes any difference what the hobby is, assuming it's legal!

If you are a SAHP because you want to be but he would prefer that you went out to work, perhaps it would be a bit different, as he would already be subsidizing your lifestyle choice.

No, makes no difference.

And you do earn it, you look after his child(ren) so that he can work full time without paying for childcare.

Absolutely, why not?

If there was something you wanted to do then it should be discussed and budgeted in the same way as his but not just for the sake of making it up to the value imo

Absolutely - SAHMs need R&R too, and there's an argument to be made that they need it more than the working parent!

That is all. Interesting stuff, to me at least.

What tyne says. I don't think it should be tit for tat. My dh is doing something expensive with a family member soon. I am happy for him to do it and don't feel I need to take the equivalent out of the bank to spend, however if I want to buy something then I will.

I'd say you should an equal amount of money per month to do what you want with - assuming that's more than £40 then you should each have that amount and it's up to you what you do with it

Yes, of course you should be able to spend equal.

All our money is shared, although DH earns more from his job than I do as I'm part-time. We each get an equal amount of money each month to do what we like with.

I see it that you should have equal chance to participate in a hobby, but that as not all hobbies cost the same then equal spending might not be the best way of deciding if it's a fair deal.

So I'd be looking at other factors, such as the time it takes, as well.

If you can afford it then why shouldn't you spend an equal amount, if thats what your choice of hobby costs? And obviously, an equal amount of time. You're either an equal partnership in which his major role happens to be the one which brings in money, or you're not.

I see it that you should have equal chance to participate in a hobby, but that as not all hobbies cost the same

This. If he's into yachting and you want to knit and do adult colouring books, "should" doesn't really enter into it.

From experience I think the fairest solution, if you have joint finances, is to each have an agreed monthly "spends" budget. If you don't want to spend it you can always save it.
Otherwise it can lead to confusion, resentment and arguments not to mention overdrafts!
My STBX used to spend money like water on things that he wanted leaving me high and dry. then I'd be the one trying to rein him in which we both resented.

Agree with Tyne.

I'm on the fence a bit here.

How old are the children? Could you work if you wanted to without incurring huge childcare fees? Is it a joint decision that you are both happy with that your OH has sole financial responsibility? Do you spend money on yourself that your OH doesn't (eg clothes, candles, coffee out with mates)?

The answers to those questions would, imo, have some bearing on whether or not you should have the same money.

That is all.

Fwiw.

My GF has signed up to the Gym, £40.
I called it a hobby, she disagreed on that point.
I said, I'll have to thi k what to spend my £40 a month on, I wasn't actually serious, she responded with,
"I don't see why you should get £40 a month?"

I have no hobbies anyway, it was just an interesting difference in POV.

Hers being that the gym may well be somewhere to meet friends, unwind after work, have coffee, take a dance / fitness class etc. But its not a hobby so I can't really have £40 a month for a hobby.
Where as I say it is a hobby, maybe not in the strictest sense, but its a leisure activity that is not necessary but enjoyable.

So on and so on.

I doing care what she does, she should use the money she earns to do things she enjoys. Whilst I'm the SAHD she has all the time in the world too.

What's the dilemma here? You're a couple and you've both decided that your unpaid job will be raising your children (do not understimate the benefits to a working parent of not worrying about the costs and logistics of childcare). It's family money and if you both have issues with seeing it as such, then the problems run deeper than equality on money spent on a hobby.

so it's family money

Milk

How old are the children?
Almost 4

Could you work if you wanted to without incurring huge childcare fees?
Probably but it would be a minimum wage job as I have no qualifications like my GF does.

Is it a joint decision that you are both happy with that your OH has sole financial responsibility?
I quit work for her to pursue her career so yes I guess.

Do you spend money on yourself that your OH doesn't (eg clothes, candles, coffee out with mates)?
No clothes, candles, or mates. I occasionally buy a video game (2 last year)

I don't believe in bean counting down to the penny but if she is going to the gym as a leisure activity then you should also be able to have a leisure activity if you want one.

Blimey. Sounds like a discussion needs to be had on equal division of work and finance. I assuming you will still be caring for the children/home while she is doing stuff after work.
And going to the gym is absolutely a hobby!

Equal access to money sure but one person signing up for £40 a month doesn't mean the other should insist on matching that immediately. Which is probably why she responded as she did. If your said "oh great you're doing that - I've also been thinking about getting back into ice skating - all in I reckon it is going to cost £500 a year" and she got pissy about the costs then that would be unfair.

What I would be more concerned about is timing. Just because you are a SAHP doesn't mean the working parent can do whatever they want whenever they want.