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Original poster

Friendship with another woman

43 replies

otteri · 06/01/2017 21:50

How would you feel if your dp had a very close friend who he spoke to for 30 mins - hour daily? It is completely platonic.

So as not to drip feed, they are also an ex gf of his.

OP posts:
silkflowers · 06/01/2017 21:54

Is she a friend of both of you? Or just his friend?

Irie1982 · 06/01/2017 21:54

I barely speak to my own husband for that long every day :D That would seem excessive to me. Though you know your partner better .... do you trust him?

Original poster
otteri · 06/01/2017 22:04

Sorry I wasn't being clear in the first post. I am the other woman. He is a long standing friend of mine 10+ years and now has a new gf. I'm happy to pull back it's just we are used to talking a lot but I don't want her to be uncomfortable about it.

If I had a new partner I'd think it was strange that he talked to another person for that long every day.

OP posts:
Scooby20 · 06/01/2017 22:21

If they had thaat friendship when they met, i would be fine. If i wasnt fine i wouldnt be in the relationship.

jeaux90 · 06/01/2017 22:35

I'd be fine with that too. Let your friend call the shots on this one though, not really down to you to pull back and it would be a shame if you had to xx

SandyY2K · 06/01/2017 22:58

I wouldn't like it TBH.

PenguinsandPebbles · 06/01/2017 23:12

I would have no issue with a friendship, I would wonder why so close to an exgf and 30-60 mins a day on the phone would seem strange to me, I personally wouldn't think he was over you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/01/2017 23:22

Half an hour a day to an ex would have me thinking that either they are not as ex as he is claiming or that he isnt over you.

Tbh, half an hour on the phone to anyone every day is OTT. I dont talk to my best friend that much or that often, so I do think that there is more to it somewhere along the line.

Have you had partners in between time?

Drquin · 06/01/2017 23:26

The actual, platonic friendship would not be an issue for me.

But, the time involved ...... I don't seem to find the time to make hour-long personal phone calls every day, so I'd be a wee bit "how long Hmm" about the call. So in that sense, I'd say the same if he was phoning his mother for an hour every day, not just you!

blowmybarnacles · 06/01/2017 23:31

I'd say he as too much emotional energy invested in you and you him.....why aren't you together anymore?

JaniceBattersby · 06/01/2017 23:36

I wouldn't be with someone who spoke to their ex on the phone for 30 minutes every day. There's just too much potential for jealousy, upset, crossed-wires, temptation etc. I'd worry he was telling her if we'd fallen out or going to her for relationship advice.

Hats off to anyone who could put up with that without it ever causing a problem in their relationship.

JigglyTuff · 06/01/2017 23:49

I was in a relationship like this once (in the position of the new gf). It didn't last.

You two are still in a relationship. It may be platonic but neither of you are emotionally available.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 06/01/2017 23:51

Well that's weird. Overly attached to an ex girlfriend, how very attractive 😂

Maz2444466 · 07/01/2017 01:20

I had an ex that did this, really put me off and although it wasn't the reason we split, it contributed

TheNaze73 · 07/01/2017 06:50

I think you & him are doing nothing wrong.

If she kicked off about it, it tells him everything he needs to know about her. She'll be a control freak & interfering.

iMatter · 07/01/2017 06:55

That's a long time to chat to the same person every day.

I don't even speak to my best mate that much.

I suspect he'll pull back as his relationship moves on.

RestlessTraveller · 07/01/2017 08:49

No problem whatsoever for me. If his partner did have an issue I'd worry she was controlling.

6demandingchildren · 07/01/2017 10:00

Hubby has a female best friend and he spends an amount of time on the phone to her each day as well as what's app, the time can be anywhere between 2 minutes to an hour, it does not bother me as it's nice for him to have a friend who will listen and if I'm being a cow she explains why, I think every one should have a close friend of the opposite sex.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 07/01/2017 10:03

Do you work? Have DC? You have half- hour to one hour phone calls every day?
Really? What do you talk about?

JeanGenie23 · 07/01/2017 10:03

What do you talk about? Haha that's a long time to keep an interesting conversation going!

I would want that time spent with me. It's not the friendship, it's the length of time

Original poster
otteri · 07/01/2017 12:14

We both work no DC.

We chat when we are driving to/ from work just about general stuff. Mutual interests like cooking, what's in TV etc.

There is definitely nothing going on between us. On my side I am definitely open to and looking for someone else, but that's another thread in itself!

It seems a mixed bag and I'll just be aware of it and more than willing to step back if I get any inclination that she is uncomfortable with it as I don't want to ruin his relationship.

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 07/01/2017 18:55

I wouldn't be happy if they spent an hour every evening on the phone to anyone, but especially not an ex girlfriend!

SandyY2K · 07/01/2017 18:59

If it's purely platonic, then you should meet her. Secret friends of the opposite sex make it seem like there's something to hide.

Cricrichan · 07/01/2017 19:10

If he has the time to also talk and spend time with his gf then I don't see the issue. Pre kids I'd easily spend that long talking to friends.

Original poster
otteri · 07/01/2017 19:28

I'm not a secret friend, I'm just a friend she's never met. She's relatively new, a few months and hasn't met any of our other friends yet either.

OP posts:
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