My mum and my sister had an actual f'ing fight today

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So the big day is nearly here... I've been busy planning a naice Christmas eve dinner, as I do every year, for all the family. Just as DH and serve up the turkey with all the trimmings, we notice something is going on between DM and my DS. I ask DM, who by this time has a face like a slapped arse, to cheer up for the DC sake. She disappears upstairs, followed by DS, and they end up having an actual fight (spitting, shoving, headbutting). I am so embarrassed, ashamed and heartbroken. How can people behave like this?

Wow. How shit for you all. What was it over? Have they gone home?

Wow. Stay right out of it if you can.

Sounds like the sort of thing my DM and DSis would do, especially when they've had a drink or five.
Kick them out (if you haven't already) try and ignore their childish behaviour and don't let it ruin things for you (easier said than done I know)

Kick them out. Not offering excuses for them but were they drunk?

Hope you kicked the pair of them out. Not on, especially with kids in the house.

Awful behaviour!

They are long gone. We shovelled down the food, mainly because I didnt want the kids to know something was horribly wrong, then they both left. DM (almost 70) wa drinking and has form for being a bad drunk. DS (41) doesn't drink. I now feel dirty and complicit in their disgusting behaviour.

What was it about?

You poor thing

I'd avoid both of them and wait for an apology

Terrible behaviour but why do you feel complicit??
You protected your kids and their Xmas. Fuck everything else for now!

What led to this terrible behaviour? Is it something they would normally do?

😢 not great. Hope you are ok x

Wow, I thought my family was dysfunctional. That's messed up. Is your DM going to call the police? Your sister assaulted your mum

That's awful SN no excuse for that kind of behaviour. You've done nothing wrong why are you feeling bad?

How is their disgraceful behaviour your fault? Don't let their stupidity make you feel bad.

Awful behaviour OP. Stop it right now with the " dirty & complicit." labels on yourself. They're adullts! My mum was like this. Many a time I would've liked to have smashed her face in, but dignity & respect prevailed.

Next time there's a get together, lay down some boundaries. If they can't comply, tell them to stay away. It'll die in intensity. Plan to have a peaceful day en famille tomorrow.

Families eh?

DM told another relative about a private medical procedure DS is due to have in the new year. DS was upset, instead o apologising DM got defensive and lashed out. Yes they have form for big bust ups, but not on this scale. I feel complicit as I should have thrown them both out the minute it started, instead of hushing it up for the kids (mine and my DS's). If it were 2 men fighting, we wouldn't have sat there eating, trying to pretend it was all ok while they were both covered in bruises. What kind of a family does that make us? I'm so ashamed. I've text them both telling them how I feel.

It's all plain sailing from here, though - Christmas disaster is over, tomorrow I assume is a quiet, fight-free family day without your mum and sister?

Once Christmas is over I'd be letting them know you won't be inviting them to your house again. You'll see them in public places where someone else can be the bouncer/call the police if necessary.

A 70 year old and a middle aged woman were head butting each other

Cali - None of us saw the fight (they were upstairs) and have no way of knowing who assaulted who. I did joke to DH that we should send the police round to both of them. I feel awful for my dad, DH and BIL too. We were all so shocked.

I'm going to shout ..... ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!! I have been in almost exactly the same situation and tried to hush it up to protect my DS. But they are two grown adults and its totally and completely their fault not yours. Sounds to me like you just did the best thing to protect your DC.
Ignore them for a bit now and hopefully they will apologise for their disgraceful actions.

Mar - I know, it makes me feel sick.

You are not complicit. Spitting? Holy heck! Have either responded to you? Hopefully you'll have a quiet, calm, lovely day tomorrow.

DM sent an apology earlier, but neither have responded to my text telling them exactly how I felt. I am supposed to be hosting an extended family do at mine on New Year's Day. In the text, I told them them both that I wouldn't be doing this and that I'd leave it to them to let people know/make alternative arrangements (they both see this side if the family more than me, I was hosting as a favour to DM). This will cause further upset I know - but how could I do it? I can't believe I've spent the last week preparing for today and telling people about my nice family dinner, and it has all come to this

Quite right. Let them make up an excuse as to why you're not hosting it. They don't deserve your hospitality.