Sorry i hadn't realised you were in Italy.
You asked how you manage to leave and how your DS would cope...the answer is simple, He will cope amazingly because he wont have to grow up being carefull of what he says i case daddy gets upset. he wont need to see his mother being pushed around for asking for some help with housework.
he will see his mother be the string independant woman she wants to be rather than tha meek mild mannered slave his father has turned her into.
and as for "do you really think so?
for small slaps and pinch....
mainly holding and pushing hands to each other......... "
YES
My ex started out just pushing and shoving. i like you just couldn't see that this was domestic violance. he hadn't hit me or really hurt me. domestic violance happened to other women and they always end up in hospital, this was just a heated row......until he punched me in the stomach whilst 9 weeks pregnant and caused a miscarriage.
until he held a knife to my throat in front of my 2 year old autistic son,
Until he raped me over and over again,
Until he would break into my house to abuse me,
Until he told my son to ignore "the stupid fat bitch, she will just go off and shag all your mates anyway"
Until he threw a screwdriver at me which missed and landed in my 4 week old baby's chair whilst she was sitting in it
......etc etc
Pushing and shoving gets worse! not "it might" IT WILL!
there are reams of statistics that prove it.
I hope you are able to get the help you need in Italy. If your family can help themn please confide in them, i know your worried for your mother but if things get worse she could quite easily find herself far more distraught at the fact she could lose a Daughter!