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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend's WhatsApp use changed... Suspicious?

28 replies

polkadotrocks · 21/11/2016 02:17

My boyfriend barely used WhatsApp and now he's online a lot, through the day and night as well.

Can't help but be suspicious as an ex did this. Then I found out he cheated.

Do I ask to look but then he will know I have trust issues?

OP posts:
singleandfabulous · 21/11/2016 03:27

Youd need to ask him really as it coukd be anything.

Are tou looking at 'last seen' times? That way madness lies! (check out the dating thread if you dont believe me.

Do you live together? Are the last seen times really late (10:45, 11.15 pm) ? That could be dodgy.

I speak from expetience when i say no good will come from stalking him on there.

user1478562078 · 21/11/2016 03:36

This happened to me. I have always used whatsapp and my boyfriend never did, he didn't even have the app downloaded. If you sync it with your phone contacts, you can see who in your contacts has whatsapp, and one day I noticed he had it when looking to message a friend. I clicked on his name and it said his "last seen", which was on his lunch break. I didn't mention anything at first but regularly checked when he was last online, and it was quite often. Sometimes even after I had gone to sleep.

This lasted a few weeks and started to drive me crazy, so I decided to turn into a bit of a psycho girlfriend and look at his phone. He was messaging a woman he knows from his old work, and had met her a couple of times. Although the messages were only friendly, and was nothing really dodgy, I still could never trust him. Still wrong in my eyes. We are no longer together as it caused way too many arguments Hmm

user1478562078 · 21/11/2016 03:37

Good luck anyway, i hope this is not the case for you.

WamBamThankYouMaam · 21/11/2016 04:29

Mine will show me online at odd times because I'm constantly pressing the icon with my fat thumb when I want the fb one next to it.

CaoNiMao · 21/11/2016 07:02

I'm sure someone at WhatsApp HQ added the "last seen" function as a cruel joke!

pinkieandperkie · 21/11/2016 07:05

You can take off the 'last seen' Smile

Original poster
polkadotrocks · 21/11/2016 07:15

We don't live together.

no reason not to trust him, he says he loves me and backed up by how he acts.

Just so mad that my last relationship has messed my head up like this...

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 21/11/2016 07:32

I'm in whatsapp all the time. As in I don't use normal texts. I also have a friend who lives over seas and the time difference often means that I might receive or send a message late at night or early am because that's the time she is awake! I would hope my BF wouldn't accuse me of anything else because it's truely innocent. I took off my last seen as I have been accused of things by a previous partner and it felt claustrophobic at times. Also I just felt that all round it is an evil invention designed to drive you bonkers and I would rather NOT know

TheNaze73 · 21/11/2016 08:29

I think you're getting your knickers in a twist over absolutely nothing

Gildedcage · 21/11/2016 09:15

I use it constantly. I have a few group chats that totally annoy my dh, however there has never been any suspicion that I was doing anything I shouldn't be. If there are no other reasons I'd let it go.

Original poster
polkadotrocks · 21/11/2016 10:02

Thanks everyone, just the change in usage that threw me but I am aware I am probably being irrational.

Thanks for the advice

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 21/11/2016 10:05

See how protective he is over his phone next time you are together.
That might give you some clues.
I would also be suspicious, so it's not just you.

Bambooshoots14 · 21/11/2016 10:14

Hhmmm id be suspicious. When DH was cheating he lived on what's app

Myusernameismyusername · 21/11/2016 10:36

It is not what I would initially think. I mean a mate could be having a really shit time and need to talk a lot more than usual

Cricrichan · 21/11/2016 10:41

He didn't have the app before so he couldn't use it. Since he downloaded it, then he probably uses it instead of texts or messages. He might be in a group as well etc. The more people diwnload it, the more it gets used.

charliethebear · 21/11/2016 10:44

Tbh it could be he's made a new friend, or his group of friends are using it much more, or some friends/work colleagues have formed a new group with him as they have found something they all love, possibly someone who he normally doesn't talk to very much has got back in contact. I normally find whatsapp is more of a group chat thing so don't panic! If there's no other reason to worry then I wouldn't be too concerned.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 21/11/2016 10:47

Another one always on whatsapp. It's how I communicate with almost all my friends. I'm often on there very late at night and I'm definitely not cheating!

LesisMiserable · 21/11/2016 10:49

Sometimes it does say you're online also when you're really not. There have been times when myself and my partner have been sat next to each other on the couch and it will say he's online when the phone is sat in the kitchen and vice versa when mine is upstairs or something, either way we are not actually physically using it.

I think it's sometimes when it's updating in the background, or it's just open as a tab on your phone and you don't realise it not always that you're physically on it.

Neither of us have last seen on it as it's just weird. It is encouraging people to stalk each other in my opinion which isn't healthy in anyone's book.

Esoteric · 21/11/2016 10:57

I have found the last seen function very useful in actually realising that my husband flipped to what's app when he and a female colleague were over texting. She is the only person I know that uses it with him regularly and he has mentioned that before. I don't think he has noticed the last seen thing and he deletes any messages, so I would say whilst it does drive you nuts if you let it, do keep an eye on it .

BitchQueen90 · 21/11/2016 11:09

I use whatsapp constantly. I've taken off my "last seen" though so to avoid any dramas!

Social media can sometimes be the devil in relationships.

loobyloo1234 · 21/11/2016 11:14

Could he be in whatsapp group chats OP? With a bunch of friends?

Everyone I know seems to have these groups now, myself included. and there'll always be one person who sends a late night or early morning message so he could just be on there catching up with those?

Myusernameismyusername · 21/11/2016 11:30

Another idea!! Signed up to Hot Deals and that sends me WA's of the latest deals...a lot of places do this now? Sports things? News?

Kittencatkins123 · 21/11/2016 20:01

I don't think this is necc anything to worry about. Could be a friendship group or male work colleague who has introduced him to it. How long have you been together? Its normal to have these little worries but I think best not to react to them - if you do and it's nothing then you'll feel even worse.

Original poster
polkadotrocks · 21/11/2016 20:50

I have given my head a wobble and stopped checking. Only been together 3 months, it is going really well.

I know I am projecting what happened last time onto this one and it's not fair. I need to take a deep breath and just trust.

OP posts:
MagicSocks · 21/11/2016 20:55

I really don't think being online at these sorts of times means anything suspicious, a lot of people tend to be glued to their phones and pop on and off whatsapp quite frequently. If it was this and a load of other odd behaviour I'd worry, but otherwise definitely not.