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Original poster

Unmatched three times in the past week after agreed a date!

34 replies

TessMcNess · 10/11/2016 22:22

Just that really - what the hell is wrong with men?!?

The pattern was almost identical - chat on Tinder, move to text or WhatsApp, arrange a date for the weekend, both say we're looking forward to it and then Boom - radio silence and unmatched.

Why, just why?

I did wonder if there was some stupid game going round about getting as many women suckered in but I've decided they are all just twats.

All dating apps deleted and I've signed off from this game.

Good luck to those on the OLD thread - you're made of stronger stuff than I am.

OP posts:
RooDaisy · 10/11/2016 22:27

I've done the same thing this week. Took myself off everything.
I'm going to concentrate on dating myself.

It's not you, it's them. Bell ends and you've had a lucky escape.

Lilacpink40 · 10/11/2016 22:32

Hi Tess from a fellow OLD!
You sound like you need a break and this isn't the best time to start dating anyhow (too near Christmas). My date postponed and I have some doubts anyway. If this one falls through I'm probably going to have a break for Christmas and New Year. Enjoy the kids instead.

It's worth trying again when you feel stronger thicker skin rebuilt after encountering knobheads.

Original poster
TessMcNess · 10/11/2016 22:33

Exactly Roo, concentrate on us.

I've just had enough of the sex pests who just want photos, the ghosters, the ones who look absolutely nothing like their photos, the mean ones, the judgy ones, the bitter ones - I'm over it all.

I honestly believe there are no nice, decent, honest men left on OLD. Or if there are, they are so few and far between they get lost amongst all the twatty twats that reside there.

OP posts:
Original poster
TessMcNess · 10/11/2016 22:35

Definitely need to regroup lilac. I'm tough already from this OLD malarkey, but three times in a week is too much, lost my faith in men in general, and don't like the person OLD is turning me into.

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 10/11/2016 22:35

I don't know why, but I have done it myself so not just men!
I have done it when I just don't feel something is quite right, not the right kind of hitting it off. Usually because they live too far away is the main reason. I just think 'nah, can't work' then sadly don't even try.

I often think that that initial stage is really hard to get past because you initially get excited and swept up in possibilities only to find it might be a bit disappointing a few days later.

Don't let it dishearten you as in you are not a nice person, just not the either chemistry from the off perhaps

Original poster
TessMcNess · 10/11/2016 22:39

I could understand that after a date, myuser but why go the bother of giving a phone number and back and forth messages to agree a date if you are you are just going to unmatch a few hours later Confused

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 10/11/2016 22:40

OP, as a man, I want to say "what's wrong with women" as I've had three matches on Tinder recently and none of them even replied to a polite message and another who chatted then disappeared when I proposed a date. Oh and two more that were merely trying to get me to visit other sites.

So, it's not just men who behave badly on OLD.

donajimena · 10/11/2016 22:42

Why would you take yourself off the site? There are far too many time wasters I agree but you take yourself off, tomorrow Mr Nice Guy signs up and you aren't on there Hmm
Keep your profile up and running. Check your messages regularly. If someone takes the time to write something nice and well thought out (ie has actually read your profile) message back and try to tie down a date.
No messing. No chit chat. Be polite (if a polite 'fuck off' is required)
Carry on your day to day life. Online dating is not the be all and end all. Its just widening your pool. That is all.

Amandahugandkisses · 10/11/2016 22:42

People behave v strangely online.
If you met them through work etc they wouldn't do it but I think some of them do it for an ego boost.

RosettaPebble · 10/11/2016 22:43

I hear you tess

I have decided to just stay single. I find OLD brutal and full of liars who present themselves as something they are not and then disappear. Anytime between the first chats and four months in (just happened to me Sad ).

The thing is that it has also happened to me in RL. It just seems to be the way people treat others these days. No consideration for feelings. Just drop, ignore and move on. I couldn't do that to someone I professed to like.

I miss a man in my life for certain things Blush but nothing is worth the feeling that you are disposable. I'm cynical now and couldn't trust anyone until I was at least 6 months in and I just don't have the energy to invest in that shit.

I hope it's just a blip for you and you meet someone lovely soon though Flowers

Myusernameismyusername · 10/11/2016 22:44

It's good to have a break

I did find that setting to getting no notifications helped me and then only checking once every few days took the pressure off myself

Lilacpink40 · 10/11/2016 22:44

Interesting perspective myuser. I haven't dropped contact suddenly with any men, but ones I've said I've changed my mind to have seemed surprised. Is OLD etiquette before meeting to take things more slowly?

May be this is regular then. In which case, Tess same men prob doing same thing to other women right now.

I had a potential date who kept saying he was really tired in all his messages. I took that as a hint as surely he'd have been more positive if keen?!

Myusernameismyusername · 10/11/2016 22:48

Usually the ones I have dropped have somehow just not seemed quite right.
One in quite recent months was very keen but was a bit all over the place and then was a bit pushy but only slightly. I ditched him immediately. Another I just didn't get his sense of humour at all. One kept sending me really stupid Snapchat photos but no actual chatting Hmm
I don't give my number out very quickly online as I do find those ones seem to be the ones that fizzle fastest, no build up over a few days it's immediately in there straight to the point always makes me think it's too good to be true?'

Questioningeverything · 10/11/2016 22:52

I dropped old. I hooked up with an ex I'd met through old a few times and we now have a beautiful ds... Not a couple, but we get on well and so far so good.
Now seeing someone amazing who I met totally unexpectedly through his work. Sometimes it's where you least expect it

Myusernameismyusername · 10/11/2016 22:55

I don't know the etiquette (I think it's different for everyone) but usually I won't give out my number or agree to a date until I have at least established a bit of a rapport that I feel is going well. I don't know how long you were chatting?
But this in itself puts men off as I seem to be playing a game, I'm not, and I think a fair few have got fed up with me not being more forward about it but as I don't want FWB or ONS it seems to weed out the more impatient of the bunch

TheNaze73 · 11/11/2016 00:20

What are you saying in between dates being arranged & getting blown out? I'd personally keep contact minimal. This happened to a colleague of mine & she was too enthusiastic & didn't give any potential relationship a chance to breathe.

Original poster
TessMcNess · 11/11/2016 02:38

thenaze - literally nothing in one case. His last text was 'That's great, looking forward to meeting you xxx'. Then he unmatched me.

The second was 'Okay, that works well for me, I'll text you in the morning babe (Hmm)'. And didn't text me, just unmatched me.

And the last one we chatted about nothing much really for the next few hours and in the morning he'd also unmatched me.

OP posts:
My2centsworth · 11/11/2016 02:46

DSIL relatively recently met her OH on Tinder. He is a gem so there might be hope. He was hardly the last good one on it.

Btw Tess have you met Shatner Shatner this is Tess Grin

Missyaggravation · 11/11/2016 02:58

It's odd, I wouldn't say I'm attractive at all but I havent had the hard time on old. But maybe I go for the odd one's everyone else rejects :S.

I'v had people cancel and be vague, they always come back in some form. They usually just use you as a someone to talk to online lol. I don't mind so much

WeAreUglyButWeHaveTheMusic · 11/11/2016 07:24

Tess I'd unmatch someone who called me "babe", tbh.

Can't explain the other ones though. Unless he'd read something into three kisses... Who knows!

It's one of the reasons I wouldn't touch OD again.

Original poster
TessMcNess · 11/11/2016 07:41

weareugly - that was his last text, he was the one who sent the kisses!

OP posts:
WeAreUglyButWeHaveTheMusic · 11/11/2016 07:44

Oh really, sorry I misunderstood!

Well in that case, I'll be blunt and say it sounds like the sort of person who'd 'over kiss' and call someone 'babe' would be a twat anyway. Wink

Original poster
TessMcNess · 11/11/2016 07:46

I hear you loud and clear Grin

OP posts:
Winetime79 · 11/11/2016 07:54

I think with OLD men are just playing a numbers game. Some of the men in our office are talking to more than 10 at a time. I wouldn't do that but they see nothing wrong with it. If someone better looking comes along I'm sure they drop the others or at least some of them!

OLD sounds hard work to me.

TheNaze73 · 11/11/2016 14:24

Fair enough. I think the last post is true.

Men who are multi dating & talking don't want the hassle of a relationship, they're clearly using it for sex