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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Extremely angry at ex husbands mother

42 replies

Asaroe91 · 30/10/2016 01:00

My son stays with his dad on weekends however he was ill this weekend after having injections so I told my ex husbands mum, who was meant to pick him up, that he wasnt well and that I was keeping him with me. She seemed to totally understand however when she visited today she went back and told my ex husband that I was lying just bcz my son was happy and playing nicely. He didnt seem ill to her im guessing. Hes had a temperature since weds which seems to spike at night so he has sleepless nights. She isnt exactly seeing that. I feel really annoyed that shes come and spied and then allowed my ex husband to send me abusive texts off her phone. Am I wrong to have said she is not welcome anymore? This would then mean that my son will not stay with his dad on the weekends. Not that it helps, 99% of the time he comes back ill and upset.

OP posts:

DeathStare · 30/10/2016 02:16

Why would saying that your exMIL is no longer welcome in your home mean that your DS can no longer stay with his dad at weekends?

Contact with his dad isn't there to "help" - it's so he can have a relationship with his das

Atenco · 30/10/2016 02:25

Not that it helps, 99% of the time he comes back ill and upset

He comes back ill from being with his father every time?

Fourormore · 30/10/2016 02:37

Is his dad unable to look after his own son when he's ill?

Costacoffeeplease · 30/10/2016 05:34

Surely his dad should be sharing parenting, good and bad times?

SpareASquare · 30/10/2016 06:05

Yes you are wrong.

Cucumber5 · 30/10/2016 06:08

Can you explain more. I don't understand

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 30/10/2016 06:12

I'm guessing there's more to this but exMIL arrives to find your son happy and playing? of course she's going to mention that to your ex. I'd expect my husband to be able to look after a not very ill child and wouldn't see that as a reason to withhold contact really.
But I'm guessing there are other issues? In what way does your ex make your son ill?

InfiniteSheldon · 30/10/2016 06:18

You are wrong on every level. Your ds should have gone; his dad can look after him when he is ill, ex MiL probably didn't say what you've decided to believe that's just Chinese whispers. You are looking for reasons to cut your ex out stop doing it it's nasty and its not putting your ds first it's putting you first and that's wrong.

Tryanythingonce16 · 30/10/2016 06:20

I think it sounds like he could have gone too. Your mil would have said, he seemed fine to me.

You can't stop contact over that.

AmberEars · 30/10/2016 06:20

I know it's hard, but please try not to prevent your son from having a relationship with his Dad.

itlypocerka · 30/10/2016 06:36

Your ex's mum being no longer welcome in your house does not prevent the child from having contact with his dad. Don't be ridiculous.

If he was happily playing then DS was not poorly enough to justify cancelling the planned time with his dad.

Yabu.

Groovee · 30/10/2016 06:39

Why could his dad and grandmother not look after him while he was ill?

40howdidthishappen · 30/10/2016 06:52

Going against the grain ... I disagree that the OP's son should go to his dad's when ill. Of course his dad should be up to looking after his ill son if he became ill whilst in his care (seems right that the mother would be notified in this case and also be involved in the child's care). However, I question whether moving a child mid-illness is in the best interests of the child.

Children can look fine and play one minute and unwell the next. Their demeanour can be misleading which seems to be what's happened with your MIL.

I can see it would be disappointing for the OP's Exh to not see his son. Assuming he can't visit the OP's house what other option is there other than way for the next scheduled visit?

Mishegoss · 30/10/2016 06:54

This just comes across like you're finding ways to prevent contact.

40howdidthishappen · 30/10/2016 06:54

wait not way

instantly · 30/10/2016 06:56

Yes, you're in the wrong.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/10/2016 06:57

I don't know why you're so angry with exMiL. It's your ex that's sending you abusive texts (she didn't "allow" that. He did that. Him.

Squeegle · 30/10/2016 07:00

But what's the MIL got to do with it? why is she the intermediary?

Trifleorbust · 30/10/2016 07:04

Clearly there is some reason why the MIL collects your son and takes him to his dad's. And clearly there is some reason why you don't trust them to care for your son whilst he is unwell. In that sense, YANBU. But it depends how unwell your son was. Running a slight temperature is no reason to not send him. Bedridden is different. Sounds like your MIL had a point.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 30/10/2016 07:04

Sorry OP but this is just coming accross that you are wanting to find a reason to stop contact, which would be very wrong.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 30/10/2016 07:15

I'm also going to say sending a child away when unwell not a reasonable expectation - not if you regard the interests of the child involved as more important than the adults, anyway.
Seems to me a lot of people influenced by media hype from daily mail type papers about malicious mums denying contact. These seem almost as pernicious as rape myths these days

Offred · 30/10/2016 08:19

It sounds like there is more to this than what's been posted TBH. Why does MIL collect the child and why don't you trust XH to care for him?

LemonSqueezy0 · 30/10/2016 08:20

From the OP it seems like you do want to cut contact and seem to have appreciated this opportunity to do so. Unless there's now a massive drip feed of info to help fully put you back in 'the right'

Try to think of it as time your son gets with his dad, not time your Ex is taking from you.

tofutti · 30/10/2016 08:40

Is your ex not taking care of your DS properly? If there is evidence of neglect, I wouldn't want to send him there either.

Or maybe you could stop his mums visits? If he is taking care of him, could you just open the door to ex or his mum to let DS leave with them but not have them in your house? That way, she can't spy on you.

Original poster

Asaroe91 · 30/10/2016 10:40

There is more to the story. We have been seperared since may due to the fact that he didnt help me care for our son and issues of abuse towards me. Im annoyed at his mother in law because she also accuses me of stopping everyone see the children but they expect the children to come to them all the time. I dont trust them to look after my kids when they r ill bcz 4 one my mother in law keeps trying to feed him until hes sick and two my husband doesnt know what to do and hes only just admitted that last weekedn when he was sick all over his clothes and he messages me to ask me what to do even when his mum was there. They couldnt figure out between themselves what to do. How am i expected to trust someone who doesnt know what to do when a child is sick. And they feed him stuff that give him a belly ache. N they also argue all the time between themselves and he comes back upset waking up crying during the night. My ex lives with his parents now. His dad isnt exactly stable either. I think I am conflicted between my feelings towards them but I dont feel comfortable them looking after my ill son.

OP posts:

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