Is there a name for this sort of behaviour?

[LynetteScavo]

When someone subtly, but very effectively, aggravates another person, then when the other person becomes annoyed, makes out the other person is wholly unreasonable. A show of being a calm rational person will then take place as they try to placate the person they have annoyed.

Arsehole

It's a form of gaslighting isn't it?

Both of my significant exes did this. With most recent ex when we argued, everything was always my fault. So infuriating

Sounds like my OH...

I'm sure it's gaslighting. thinking face

Cuntery.

Or if you want it more science based, it's a form of gaslighting

Ha! Mil does this to DH. Needles him till he snaps at her, then gets all offended and behaves as though he's a massive bastard to her.

Also passive aggressive

I believe the correct term for someone who does that is ex partner (or ex boss, former friend, family member I no longer speak to - you get the picture).

It's called being a cunt.

Gaslighting. Does it go like this? Little comment after little comment after little comment time and time again. All on their own nothing. But you finally blow after being picked apart after the last little comment. Then comes you being massively unreasonable and out of your mind because YOU have caused an argument over ONE tiny little comment.

Functioning Sociopath.

I used to have an ex like that, he would delight in driving me slowly insane. For example if I said I didn't like something like him rubbing my neck he would do it continuously until I snapped at him then he would act all hurt and offended that 'I didn't want him to touch me'. It sounds petty but it was all the time about everything. He seemed to get joy from me being upset. Eventually I asked him about it when he was drunk and he admitted he found it funny and he did it to everyone. I think it is gaslighting.

XH used to do this. He once provoked me to the point where my heavily pregnant, very hormonal self put my foot through a door (he of course, had become completely reasonable throughout the whole thing).
Yes, absolutely gas lighting.
What happened?

petalsandstars
Also passive aggressive

Yes very!

(This is not DH by the way)

I've just realised this is just how this person operates constantly.

And I've also realised I play the part of the aggravated person....even if I'm not that bothered. Because that's the quickest way to stop the "needling" for want of a better word, because it is very passive aggressive.

Winding someone up?
Being a goady fucker?
If a recurrent patter I'd avoid them, although once you have identified the way they work it's easier to let it wash over you and refuse to play their game and just walk away/ smile sweetly and say "sorry you have let it upset you"

Does it count if the person has (or say they have) poor memory?
I tell my mum I don't like something or that we'd prefer not to do X or it's inconvenient. She goes on about it/asks again/forgets/assumes we'll change our minds. Eventually I get cross and am accused of blowing up at her and tell her I told her this already/she suggested it last year and the year before/it's never been convenient before. She tells me she doesn't remember me saying that and that I'm incredibly rude.

My Mother.

I have a colleague like that and I fell for it last week. So annoying.

It's attention seeking behaviour, and gaslighting. Often associated with narcissism.

Oh she has a name. She is my dads GF. Pleased you have met her

My sister. Needles me, belittles me, When I object, says I'm just joking, calm down, can't you take a joke, oh dear, poor you, rolls eyes and smirks.

Omg ellicam - you have perfectly described my most recent ex. So glad I dumped him. He even had the audacity to say I couldn't take a joke. My and my new chap do nothing but laugh, but it is never at my expense.

"It's only funny if you're laughing with the person not at them"
One for the "Did you mean to be so rude?" mumsnet line.

My sibling was like this as a child - he was completly horrid to me when we were young.

We don't have much of a relationship these days but somehow he has a partner and children! Although his partner is a narcissist - karma!