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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my husband is cheating on me...

33 replies

user1474139565 · 17/09/2016 20:27

Okay so today I found a used condom in my husband's car and I don't know what to do.
He said he was going out last night for a work meeting but he wasn't home until around 2am. I asked him how the meeting went and he seemed a bit off.
We've had a happy marriage for 23 years and I dread to think my husband is actually cheating on me.
PLEASE HELP!!! What should i do? I don't want to confront him because I do genuinely love him TIA

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 17/09/2016 20:33

Doesn't sound good, OP, am really sorry Flowers

Forgettheworld · 17/09/2016 20:35

It doesn't sound good. You don't want to confront him?? Well I guess you'll never know. Are you just going to forget you saw anything?

loveyoutothemoon · 17/09/2016 20:36

I'm so sorry.

There can't be any excuse for a used condom in the car. Sorry you need to confront him.

pinkieandperkie · 17/09/2016 20:37

I'm so sorry but it doesn't sound good. You need to speak to him.

pinkieandperkie · 17/09/2016 20:37

I'm so sorry but it doesn't sound good. You need to speak to him.

Trifleorbust · 17/09/2016 20:38

If you don't intend to confront him, are you just going to let it go? I really don't want to upset you any further by suggesting the obvious, but I would go to the clinic if I were you and definitely don't sleep with him yourself.

Ellarose85 · 17/09/2016 20:39

Where do you plan on going from here if you don't want to confront?

Flowers I'm sorry that you are in this position

GinBunny · 17/09/2016 20:57

So sorry OP. But if you do confront he will probably deny. Can you take a photo as proof?

Luvjubs · 17/09/2016 20:57

Ya 'think' he's cheating on you? Confused

Yes. He is. Don't believe any of the shit excuses he'll come out. He's shagging around.

bloodymaria · 17/09/2016 20:59

What are you looking for from this thread op? If you're not willing to confront him then I don't think you can move forward.

Laineymc7 · 17/09/2016 21:07

You know the answer to this one yourself. Sorry. Hope you are ok.

debbs77 · 17/09/2016 21:18

Just offering a hug. Not sure a condom in a car can even suggest a posh wank in this case x

RealityCheque · 17/09/2016 21:19

He's probably just had a posh wank. After his meeting.

Hmm
RealityCheque · 17/09/2016 21:19

Damn. Beaten to it by debbs

Sameoldiggi · 17/09/2016 21:23

Confronting not the only option surely. People on here are often advised to take time to get their ducks in a row etc before deciding what to do. Or to look for more evidence before confronting. ("I must have brought it in on my shoe! I leant the car to Dave and his new bird for ten minutes! Etc)

Buzzardbird · 17/09/2016 21:24

In what circumstances were you in his car to find the condom?

Do you think he wouldn't expect you to find it?

I really don't think anyone would not confront someone "because they love him" when they found a used condom.

ivykaty44 · 17/09/2016 21:25

OK op so you don't want to confront him, that fine

What do you think you should do or how do you think would be best to react to this?

Are you thinking that if you ignore it then the problem will go away? The sometimes it will but often it will come back again with a different face.

How do you think this will effect your health?

loobyloo1234 · 17/09/2016 21:26

I don't want to confront him because I do genuinely love him

Confused Well what are you going to do then OP? Of course you should confront him? What a fuckwit he is

Chocolate123 · 17/09/2016 21:26

If you don't confront him your option is do nothing and ignore. Can you do that I couldn't? Don't see how there could be any other explanation.

EasternDailyStress · 17/09/2016 21:31

To be honest, he's either very stupid or he wants to be caught. No one leaves a used condom in their car, especially if they're having a secret affair! You must confront him because otherwise you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of putting up with his behaviour.

Sorry OP, it must be horrible for you Flowers

Lemonlady22 · 17/09/2016 22:24

im sorry but if this was me he would be straight out of the door with no excuses....after id poked him in the eye with a stick with the used condom on the end of it!...pfft!

DiegeticMuch · 17/09/2016 22:38

Unless you have an adult child at home who's borrowed that car recently, its his condom.

See a solicitor to ascertain your rights before you say anything.

BarbaraRoberts · 17/09/2016 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rachelbrew · 18/09/2016 16:00

I just found out my husband is also having an affair today. Keep asking him questions and he will finally admit it. Ask him otherwise all you'll do is think about it all day and drive your self crazy.

I can't advise you what to do moving forwards as I don't know what I'm going to do myself yet, but make sure you have time to yourself to think this through.

SandyY2K · 18/09/2016 16:19

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and plant in his car. He'll deny if you confront him and come up with an excuse.

If you have access to his phone .. check the call logs and text messages. Check his phone bill.

Whatever you do

Don't confront without irrefutable evidence.

The condom may seem like evidence ... but others in his position have wriggled out of it before.

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