Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I getting lead on?

39 replies

Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:21

Hi MN friends!

I posted a thread about my relationship breakdown and I went NC. I cowardly broke it and asked him outright if there was any chance of reconciliation and he said I was pressuring him by constantly asking questions so I resumed my NC. I stupidly broke it again and sent him a friendly simple message and we had a brief chat Monday night which he ended the conversation with

"It's been nice talking but I'll have to have an early night I'm exhausted. Sweet dreams x" which I thought was weird

I have asked him very lightly if there's any point in trying to be friends or whether we should just never talk again. He hasn't replied even though I said just rip the plaster off rather than dragging this on.

He doesn't use social media and doesn't really use his phone often, except to speak to his Xbox friends who he will be playing more with now we aren't together, we were long distance anyway around 2 hours.

Why was he so nice to me? Is he holding onto something? Can someone give me some advice please because he's really messing with my head and it's torture. I don't know what to do, I want him back but this is horrible. Help :( I'm in NC again and determined not to break it!

Any advice?

OP posts:
Ansie1 · 15/09/2016 21:28

Why did you break up?

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:29

@Ansie1

We had a massive argument

OP posts:
BabooshkaKate · 15/09/2016 21:30

That's odd behaviour from you. I have to be honest, if a guy behaved like you did towards me I would find them very hard work. It sounds as though he's being nice to you because he feels sorry for you given your erratic behaviour. For God's sake, pull yourself together and leave this guy alone.

MegFlyAway · 15/09/2016 21:31

He really doesn't sound bothered. Go back to NC and see it through this time! You deserve better

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:32

@BabooshkaKate
He was the one who said he wanted to be friends. He isn't like that if he didn't want to talk he wouldn't. Just seems as though he can't give me a straight answer

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:32

@MegFlyAway
I'll try with the NC :( thank you

OP posts:
Luvjubs · 15/09/2016 21:46

It sounds as though he was being polite

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:48

@Luvjubs lol he isn't polite, when we first spoke after our breakup he wasn't putting kisses or being particularly nice to me

OP posts:
Ansie1 · 15/09/2016 21:48

Tell him you can't be friends as you still have feelings for him. Ask him not to contact you again unless he wants to get back together. Then move forward with your life.

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:50

@Ansie1 I don't want to be too forceful with him 😞

OP posts:
HallowedMimic · 15/09/2016 21:57

It sounds like the very opposite of leading you on.

He just wants you to back off and leave him alone, and most people would have taken the hint from his responses.

He probably thinks if he takes a more direct approach, you will start demanding to know why/what you did wrong/if you can stay in touch, and never let it drop.

Just walk away.

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 21:59

@HallowedMimic

He would tell me that's the thing. He would ask me for space if he wanted it because he did and I gave it him then he was being really nice. Oh I'm so bloody confused

OP posts:
besshope · 15/09/2016 22:00

He's not been that nice tbh. Some men see 'lets be friends' as a bit of a brush off from what I've heard, so I wouldn't read too much into that. Just move on and find someone who makes you feel great and you won't have to question it or work so hard Flowers

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 22:01

@besshope I'm a mug aren't I lol

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/09/2016 22:01

Go nc again, if he really wants any kind of friendship/relationship he'll be in touch - if not, keep your dignity and self respect

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 22:02

@costacoffeeplease - I fucking love your name 😂

I am doing

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/09/2016 22:06

And the best bit is - I've never been in a costa never mind had a coffee! No idea where the name came from!

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 22:07

@costacoffeeplease hahahaha that's really put a smile on my face! I wish I'd have thought of a more invented name!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/09/2016 22:08

Glad I've made you smile Smile

SouthWestmom · 15/09/2016 22:16

I'm with Mimic.
You split up, then you get back in touch and ask if you can get back together, he's like no, don't pressure me then you wait, text again and he has to politely brush you off.

I can see precisely zero leading on and 10/10 for desperation

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 22:22

@noeuf I'm silly I know. I'm gonna just remain NC

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 15/09/2016 22:24

You finish with him and go nc. You contact. He says you're pressuring. You carry on
Pressuring. You sound like a stalker now. Immature at best. Leave the poor bloke alone. If he wanted you he'd be with you. He'd be contacting you. He isn't. Can't you feet the message even if he feels sorry for you (or is wary of you) and is trying to let you down gently. Just leave the poor bloke alone.

SouthWestmom · 15/09/2016 22:26

I don't think you're silly, I think you're struggling and you start to lose perspective in these situations.

Honestly you will feel loads better in 6 months if you've not contacted him then if you've managed to drag out contact, had a shag and no reconciliation, been knocked back, waited for texts etc etc

Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 22:26

@Tiggeryoubastard
He had said to his mum he needs to see if his feelings change. So I'm not gonna be beggy anymore. I know I look desperate. I am an idiot. I'm not contacting again if he wants me he'll contact me

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracey1231 · 15/09/2016 22:28

Plus when we spoke he was being friendly and seemed to enjoy chatting. He said he did anyway, anyway I'll resume NC and see what happens.

@noeuf - I know. We were eachothers first love and proper long relationship I just don't want him to forget me so fast

OP posts: