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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am I in the wrong

34 replies

IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/09/2016 16:25

Last September I had a fall out with a close friend over confronting my dh about an issue.
The last few days we have started speaking again and are planning to talk about what happened.
One thing that is bothering me is my dh is adamant that I shouldn't be friends with her and why am I bothering getting back in contact.
I have asked him if anything has gone on between them or whether the confrontation with them was about her seeing him with someone else.
He had gone into denial again and now not talking to me. Was I in the wrong to suggest this but I don't like how he is trying to control the friendship and acting shifty when I mention about re connecting with this friend.

OP posts:
adora1 · 12/09/2016 16:30

Sounds like your friend knows something not so good about your DH? He's worried she spills the beans?

redisthenewblack · 12/09/2016 16:30

Have I understood this properly... your friend had an argument with your husband about something, and the friend then stopped talking to you?
You don't know what the argument was about. Your husband won't tell you, and now he's being shifty because you want to speak to the friend again?

happypoobum · 12/09/2016 16:46

I don't understand - how come you don't know what they were arguing about? Did DH refuse to tell you?

Very bloody suspicious.

Fidelia · 12/09/2016 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoreenLethal · 12/09/2016 16:50

Why did you fall out exactly?

Original poster
IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/09/2016 16:59

The confrontation was on his way to work and on her way to the school. I wasn't there as she lives further away from us and they use to cross paths in the morning.

Last year there was an occasion where he met up with someone for a coffee at a coffee shop he never even went with me and it was her favourite coffee shop. Me thinks she went in there for something and saw him with someone. That same time he was meant to pick me up from somewhere and was at least 15 minute late. He wouldn't answer his phone and I had to start walking into the town. I thought this was all water under the bridge until he said about not wanting me to take the olive branch from my friend

OP posts:
happypoobum · 12/09/2016 17:02

So, your DH had a row with your friend. How do you know this? Which one of them told you? What did they say the row was about? Why did you fall out with your friend over it?

sorry OP but your posts aren't really clarifying what has gone on.

redisthenewblack · 12/09/2016 17:03

Ah I see.

So why have you never confronted your husband about this?

phillipp · 12/09/2016 17:06

So your husband had a coffee with a woman and your friends decided to confront him about it?

Why did you fall out with her over her confronting your dh? Did you stand up for him?

ChicRock · 12/09/2016 17:10

You need to be a lot clearer about what exactly happened.

At the moment I'm feeling sorry the your friend and thinking she should give you and your DH and the rekindling of any friendship a huge swerve.

Original poster
IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/09/2016 17:21

Yes I have confronted him we nearly split up last November. Trying to make things work but after today I'm wondering if I'm just trying to kid myself.

The reason I fell out with my friend is she told me she thought confronting him was funny. He is an introvert and would have hated every minute of it. But going back to the main reason I posted was should I find it odd he doesn't want me to hand back the other olive branch

OP posts:
bluebeck · 12/09/2016 17:26

What did she confront him about OP?

I agree with other posters, I don't really understand what has gone on here.

In September last year, your DH met another woman in a coffee house. In a totally separate and possibly unrelated incident, your DH ran into your friend and she confronted him about something and they fell out, but we don't know what this was about. How do you know they fell out? Who told you and what did they say the "confrontation" was about?

Why did you then fall out with your friend?

This is like getting blood out of a stone! Grin

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 12/09/2016 17:28

He will be terrified your friend rightly tells you it was a mistake to let him off with it!

phillipp · 12/09/2016 17:33

It depends.

He may be trying to cover something up.

Or it may the fact that she thought the whole thing was funny. Clearly that upset you too, or you wouldn't have fallen out with her.

The fact that she found the whole thing funny, rather than upsetting. Suggests she isn't a great friend. Your marriage could have ended and she enjoyed calling him out? Is there a reason she didn't come to you first?

From what I can gather. She thinks he is cheating and possibly saw him kissing someone?

Did she actual see he doing anything other than having a coffee with someone?

Original poster
IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/09/2016 17:34

I told her he said she wasn't a good friend that is how it all started. Sorry if not being very clear. I just don't want to out myself too much. Small world even on mums net 😊

OP posts:
phillipp · 12/09/2016 17:36

I have no clue what's gone on.

Possibly he thinks she can prove he cheated.

Possibly he thinks she isn't a good friend and loved the drama of it all.

That's really all I can say as I really have no idea what's gone on.

redisthenewblack · 12/09/2016 17:39

I'm getting more and more confused.

You almost split up with your husband because he went for coffee with another woman? Or because of the argument with your friend?

Was your husband having an affair with coffee woman?

You fell put with your friend because YOU argued with your husband and she thought that was funny? But THEY argued about something else?

Hellothereitsme · 12/09/2016 17:42

So your friend saw your H having coffee with a strange woman. Your friend confronted your H and in reality probably have him an ultimatum to tell you. They then fell out supposedly?

How did you know you H met anther women for coffee?

Your H is terrified as he is afraid your friend is going to spill the beans.

Are you ok with your h meeting women for coffee?

Original poster
IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/09/2016 18:21

Oh dear sorry this isn't making sense😣
I'm fine with him meeting people but on that occasion i felt i was lied too.
He claimed he had met a male colleague that day in a pretty chic type coffee shop. In the past he has always refused to go there with me which made me wonder if he had been there with someone else. I have got a few trust issues but working on them.it could have been he knew how I would react and not told me but then friend saw them.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 12/09/2016 18:22

I have got a few trust issues but working on them

Eh?

Hellothereitsme · 12/09/2016 19:25

You don't have any trust issues. He lied to you. If he hadn't lied you would not have trust issues. Do not apologise for his behaviour. I would have a trust issues if my H lied and then met a female at a quaint coffee shop!!!!

Hellothereitsme · 12/09/2016 19:27

I reckon your friend saw them doing more than talking about the price of runner beans. That is why he doesn't want you to meet her. He seems manipulative and a liar. Why are you still with him?

QuiteLikely5 · 12/09/2016 19:31

I'm struggling to believe your friend found the confrontation 'funny'

Either way this while situation doesn't have a good outlook

ToxicLadybird · 12/09/2016 19:39

He hasn't told you the truth and thinks your friend will. That's why he's against you making up with her.

Who told you that your friend found the situation funny, your friend or your DH?

LesisMiserable · 16/09/2016 09:00

I think your friend was possibly the one he met