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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have just met someone but feel guilty/really not good as we slept together first meeting.

38 replies

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:03

I am a single mother my child was away with father for weekend. I was in town having a tea when I caught a guy's eye and he asked if he could join me. We talked lots and obvious we both liked each other a lot.

We met up again in evening and went out and I ended up staying at his. He has called me up since and we have met again.

I just feel I have put it on a platter for him and I want to really get to know him. I just am not sure if he has other motives.

OP posts:

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:04

Have I ruined it?

OP posts:

CRazzyyAce · 07/09/2016 14:05

Maybe, maybe not depends on what his behaviour has been like afterwards

Hmmnotkeen · 07/09/2016 14:08

If he's the sort to judge you for having slept with him the first night, he wasn't worth keeping around, imo.

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:11

First time we slept together was a Sun and Mon 4pm he sent a message that saying "last was fun, let's meet up soon"

We talked a bit on the phone on the Tues and then he came round Tues night. My child was away with father that night.

He calls every now and then and asks a lot about my ex husband and my life. I am careful not to disclose too much. He talks a lot about himself.

I spoke with him yesterday saying I really wanted to get to know him.

He doesn't know that I had not slept with or had a relationship with anyone for over a year. This is why I feel my guard was down and I slept with him so quickly. That really isn't me.

OP posts:

category12 · 07/09/2016 14:11

If he likes you, it won't make a bit of difference.

If he's the kind of guy who thinks poorly of women who sleep with him first date, then you're better off finding out sooner than later. As a hypocritical sexist shite.

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:13

I don't want to tell him that as he might think I used him for sex which isn't the case.

I did say that I didn't want to be a sheet of paper igniting and that I would rather be a slow burning candle.

OP posts:

TippiNoodlegruder · 07/09/2016 14:15

I agree with hmm if he judges you for it (and that's really nonsensical because well, you did it WITH HIM) then he's not the type of person whose opinion counts. I slept with my now dh on our second meeting (and it would have been the first if we'd had the time) and it was great! We both wanted to, that's the only thing that needs to be considered really.

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:18

He hasn't judged me as far as I know but I just hope that he doesn't think that sex is always on the cards if we meet up.

I really would like something more than sex. I have told him this too.

He initiated me spending weekend with him in his part of town. He runs a lot as do I and he suggested us having a run together. I suggested we see an exhibition in town and or go to see a movie.

I do find him very sexually attractive and I know he feels the same. Just feel I gave too much early on. I need to hold back.

I guess it has been a long time and I am more than a bit rusty when it comes to men.

OP posts:

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 07/09/2016 14:18

Haven't you already got another thread about this with people replying on it?

ALaughAMinute · 07/09/2016 14:21

If you're going to sleep with someone straight away you have to be confident about it and hold your head high. You've done nothing wrong so stop beating yourself up about it. Act with dignity and enjoy!

ToxicLadybird · 07/09/2016 14:23

If you like each other, then so what. I did the same and we've now been very happily married for almost 20 years. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

GreenHen · 07/09/2016 14:41

I slept with my husband on our first date (stayed at his house). It just felt right and it still does nearly 14 years later.

Why would he judge you negatively if he did exactly the same thing?

I had a few other dates in the couple of months before I met DH - I didn't sleep with any of those. Take it as a good sign. I don't get the impression from what you've said that he was just looking for sex.

Cocklodger · 07/09/2016 14:44

Married to DH for almost 9 years. together about 13/14.
Slept with him on the first date.
:)

Clickclickclick · 07/09/2016 14:44

Why do you need to hold back? Do what you want to do, what feels good to you. It's sexist to judge a woman badly for behaviour that a man would not get judged for.

Handbagsandgladrages · 07/09/2016 14:45

Why the fuck would he judge her when he did exactly the same thing

AyeAmarok · 07/09/2016 14:49

The only men I know that would have a problem with this are not very bright, pretty gross sexist misogynists who see women as lesser beings than them. Not one of them I would consider to be a catch.

So don't worry.

If he's nice and he genuinely likes you, then it won't make a difference.

thestamp · 07/09/2016 14:49

Sex is generally how people fall in love (provided one does it enough times with one person!). Nothing wrong with having sex with the man when you met him, certainly nothing wrong with having sex every time you're together.... is that not normal? It's healthy and fun to shag!!

More important than all this guff about using each other etc, is did you enjoy the sex and would you like to do it again? If so, you should!

There's no such thing as using for sex ime... women (and men) sometimes decide that they've been used for sex but all that's happened is the other person had set with them once and didn't feel a connection in bed, so obviously they don't want to do it again. It's not using, it's just not wanting to repeat something they didn't like!

Leopard12 · 07/09/2016 14:50

I'd try and avoid sex for the next few meet ups ie meal but then you need to get back to your dd, have an excuse to shower at your place or work (alone) after your run or a daytime trip and see if he's still as keen and if you both actually like each other rather than just sexually

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:51

After I sent this thread first time it was not showing up so I re sent it. I have only answered this thread. sorry :(

One of my friends said I gave too much, too quickly and as he is very good looking he must be doing this all the time.

I do feel I haven't done anything wrong but I do feel he probably has a lot of girls on the go. I understand though it is only a few days since I have known him.

I did feel worried and that it was too fast when he said we should have sex without a condom on the second time. Honestly I would like that a lot but I said I would rather wait and he replied he would get a full STD check as he got drunk a couple of times and had sex with a girl he had just met over a two week period that has just finished. I am not sure if he still is seeing her.

OP posts:

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 14:53

My friend also said if you sleep with a guy on first date 9 times out of 10 they do not introduce you to family and friends.

OP posts:

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 07/09/2016 14:57

If this is genuine, run for the fucking hills.

Original poster

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 15:02

If I call him he usually doesn't answer and if he does he says he is doing something but then does call back in an hour or 3.

I am idiot as I am more keen than him and I think he knows it.

This morning at 9am I sent text Big kiss X. At 10.30 He sent Hello yummy mummy.

I played it cooled at first and then at 2.45 just called him and he said he would call me back.

Fact is if he is with a woman and bonking it is early days and I don't want to say anything unless it becomes more between us.

OP posts:

ALaughAMinute · 07/09/2016 15:03

Having sex on a first date or meeting is one thing but having sex without a condom when you don't know someone is another matter entirely. If you had sex without a condom you should get a STD check, never mind him!

If he wants you to have sex without a condom tell him to fuck off!

AyeAmarok · 07/09/2016 15:08

Em, this is starting to all sound a bit strange. Your attitude to it, your friends' attitude to sex, and him wanting to have sex without a condom...

I think maybe I'd just leave it until you're in a more confident frame of mind and know what you're looking for.

ALaughAMinute · 07/09/2016 15:11

You sound like you have self esteem issues and he sounds like a player. The more you tell us about him the more I don't think he's the one for you. If it's love and romance you want forget him but if you're happy to have sex with him now and then even though you think he's having sex with other people then stick with it but make sure you use a condom!

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