I have just met someone but feel guilty/really not good as we slept together first meeting.

[hotsunnyweather]

I am a single mother my child was away with father for weekend. I was in town having a tea when I caught a guy's eye and he asked if he could join me. We talked lots and obvious we both liked each other a lot.

We met up again in evening and went out and I ended up staying at his. He has called me up since and we have met again.

I just feel I have put it on a platter for him and I want to really get to know him. I just am not sure if he has other motives.

That is what I didn't like. I said no and that nothing was worth getting AIDS for. He agreed but it has planted a ides in my head that how many times is this guy having carefree sex. That is really ugly and unattractive to me. I did not like that he used the excuse of getting drunk.

I did say no and I will not have sex without one.

I value my health.

Yes maybe even after over a year I am not ready for this as I should not be worrying as much as I am.

He probably is a player and I should probably walk away.

Your friend is an idiot.

He's asking for sex without a condom?! Red flag. Run.

I'd have waited until date 2 unless of course I'd not been able to help myself so don't worry about that, I also think you have been really silly not using protection, especially if he is sleeping around.

Also, cool of a bit, you do sound slightly needy.

Think as it has been such a long time and not easy being a single parent. I have had to entertain my child for 8 weeks. Father does less as possible to help and take time off for his child.

Think I am not in right frame of mind and probably best not to waste time with a player.

It was the first time in over a year that I really fancied someone. A nice break not having anyone.

I have to make it clear here that I have NOT slept with this guy without a condom

I don't think you're ready for a relationship.

Why not enjoy it for what it is and take your time before getting into a relationship?

I agree that I am not ready.

He just called me and we talked for an hour and a half.

I felt calmer after starting this thread and realising I don't need to rush or worry so much.

I felt more relaxed. I will meet up with him for a run and going to an exhibition. He was very kind and sweet on the phone. It was nice that he was really making an effort.

I come from a background where relationships were not allowed and when I left home boyfriends were kept secret and I had no adult/parent to talk or discuss my relationships with. It still is the same but I do have friends and thankfully they are not all strict on their opinions.

At 43 I sometimes feel in my early teens. It is true that I have insecurities and low self esteem too but I do try to work on these.

The good news is relationships are allowed and you are a fully grown adult and can do whatever you want. Just keep your wits about you because you sound a little bit vulnerable.

Thanks I will.

Think I will keep posting and after weekend. I know am very vulnerable too and I just wish I could talk to my family for advice.

When you can't even introduce a guy to your family it does make you a target if you are with someone who has other motives. You're not protected.

I also can't live in this life in fear and always on my own.

If anything this can be a learning exercise which I can take to the next relationship.

Right make your mind up OP. You like him and want to get to know him better and want more than a sexual relationship in one breath. In the next you think he's probably a player, you know he's had carefree (in your words) sex in the last few weeks before you and you think you'd be better to walk away.

It's absolutely fine that you shagged him on the first night.
I suspect in fact I'm sure you are not the first woman he's picked up like this.
There is probably nothing much more to know about him that will reassure you as it appears your mood is already a little dictated by his reactions to your communications - that's not good - and you're doing it to yourself, he's not responsible for this.

Instead of telling him you want to slow down/get to know him etc - show that through your actions - don't text and ring him so much, go for that run but let him organise it, stop over thinking it, enjoy the connection and probably with this one, don't pin your hopes too high - you are giving out extremely mixed messages yourself.

If he doesn't ever answer his phone or says he will call you back when he does, if think he was married or with a partner.

I agree with LesisMiserable. Take it for what it is, maybe just see how it pans out. If nothing comes of it, you have at least got back on the horse (so to speak). Just enjoy it for whatever it is/was. Stop worrying and stop hanging around with people who do not support you. Your friends comments are not helpful.
Ps: no I don't like it that he wanted to do it without a condom either.