How much contact do you expect in the early days of seeing someone?

[PineappleFwitters]

Earlier this year I started a new job and within a month or so I hit it off with one of the guys there. We texted a fair bit over the course of a couple of months but then he went off sick for a few weeks. When he came back he'd handed his notice in, but we met up for lunch a few times and kissed. Then due to ill health on both his and my part we didn't see each other for a fortnight, at which point it was his leaving do.

Got drunk at his leaving do and snogged his face off, then didn't hear from him for about a week. Then another week, until he asked me to meet up. We did meet up and it was lovely. I messaged him a few days later, he took a while to reply but then eventually, apologising for not being in touch sooner. He's up for meeting again next week but once again I've not heard from him in several days so am wondering if he's really interested.

Am I wasting my time here? I've been out of the dating game for quite a while so not sure what level of contact is to be expected. I generally wait for him to get in touch as I don't want to come across as desperate!

Normally I advocate really going with the flow contact wise early days but tbh he doesn't sound overly bothered - sorry. Maybe it's the illness thing. Perhaps he's not feeling 100% up to starting anything up properly

It's frustrating because I'll go about a week without hearing from him, be at the point of giving up as he's not interested and then he'll message me! I suggested meeting next week and he said yes but I honestly don't know. Actually, if I'm honest I really really want to sleep with him but what's the bet that if I do then I'll never hear from him again?

In answer to your original question, I'd say once or twice a week at a push. With regards to the bloke your describing, sorry op he sounds like he only contacts you when he's bored

Yeah, looks like it doesn't it? When we do meet up its great and he certainly acts like he's into me but it's just in between that he doesn't seem that bothered. His recent illness was depression-related AND he's looking for a new job so I appreciate he's got a lot on his plate. But then I think I'm just making excuses for him, aren't I?

Well, I haven't dated for about 28 years but the serious ones, and there were only three, I saw pretty much every night after the first couple of dates.

He's a waste of space and you could do better.

DH and I were texting at least once a day when we first starting seeing each other. Just chatty stuff about how our days were going, etc.

I'd say he's either playing games (not wanting to look keen), or is contacting you when he's bored- or maybe when he's less preoccupied with his illness. I think the length of time he takes to reply to your messages isn't a good sign- sorry:

Weirdly, he used to message me a lot more before we kissed. Not sure I understand what that's all about...

Mind you, I really fancy him so am tempted to shag him if we do meet up again, just to get it out of my system.

I wouldn't describe this as "seeing each other" I'm afraid.

Oh I know Red, I just didn't know how else to word it!

Am feeling a bit blah about it tbh. I don't meet guys that often, and he was the one who started chasing me. The inner workings of men will forever remain a mystery. Oh well, shit happens.

What's the situation today Pineapple?

No word from him. I was planning on getting in touch later in the week to arrange a day to meet up next week but not sure now. Then again I've equally not been in touch so he might think I'm not interested. Gah, why is it so difficult? If it's like this at such an early stage then I'm not sure it looks promising so it might be best to leave it. I don't know!

If he's interested he will get in touch, whether he thinks you're interested or not so I'd wait and see what happens.

Men aren't that difficult OP. Simple creatures really & most of the old adages are true. How are you going to play it now with him?

Honestly don't know. I'd like to see him again but if he only contacts me when he's bored then that's hardly flattering! I usually hear from him about once a week so I guess he'll drop me a line by the end of the week. If he does then I'll suggest meeting up and go from there.

Hardly the most exciting of updates, I know!

So I fucked something up at work today, toddler DS is still up and screaming in his cot, I have a splitting headache and man still hasn't been in touch. FML It shouldn't be this hard to get a shag from a man I fancy who, from all previous encounters, appears to fancy me too

To me this spells he has a girlfriend/ woman in the background/ unfinished business with an ex or something like that. Do you think that's possible? Hence why he likes and fancies you but is reluctant to see you, and explains why he'd text more before you kissed.

He's just not that into you. Sorry to be harsh, but if he were, he would be contacting you, initiating sex meet ups and then coming back for a repeat performance.

That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

It just means that he is not right for you, whether it is his illness, busy life, seeing other people etc. It doesn't matter. Move on, don't hang around waiting for his crumbs.

I couldn't be arsed with that at all. I wouldn't want to physically see someone too often (busy person, not prepared to sacrifice time with other people until there's something to sacrifice it for!) But I'd want some form of contact each day, because they should be thinking about me and wanting to speak to me.

bess, as far as I know he doesn't have a girlfriend (he told me it's been a long time since he was in a relationship) but I guess he may well be seeing other women. He was involved with another colleague at one point (I didn't find this out until a few weeks ago) but I asked him about her and he said they're definitely finished.

I only split with XDP earlier this year so this is my first tentative step back into the world of dating and tbh I'm now thinking lifelong celibacy is the way to go if this is what it's like these days! It's annoying as he's the one who started it and now I feel like I'm being ghosted.

And I think you are right Feed. He did say yes when I spoke to him a week ago and suggested meeting up next week but given I've heard zilch from him, who knows? Unless of course he's sitting there wondering why I've not been in touch. Somehow I doubt that!

I dated a guy of POF a couple of years ago - the second time I saw him we went to bed together I was massaging him and he said "it feels so good to be touched it's been so long" - turned out he had got his (unbeknownst to me) New girlfriend pregnant around two weeks before . They're married now with their son. They lie don't they.

Fuck! That's awful. I don't think he's lying about the woman from work and she told me herself that they were over, but who knows who else is in the picture.

It was bothering me so much earlier that I sent him a basic how are you message. No reply yet. I know I shouldn't have but part of me felt that since I was the one who suggested meeting up again I should at least make the effort. But if he doesn't respond then I'm definitely done.