How much contact do you expect in the early days of seeing someone?

[PineappleFwitters]

Earlier this year I started a new job and within a month or so I hit it off with one of the guys there. We texted a fair bit over the course of a couple of months but then he went off sick for a few weeks. When he came back he'd handed his notice in, but we met up for lunch a few times and kissed. Then due to ill health on both his and my part we didn't see each other for a fortnight, at which point it was his leaving do.

Got drunk at his leaving do and snogged his face off, then didn't hear from him for about a week. Then another week, until he asked me to meet up. We did meet up and it was lovely. I messaged him a few days later, he took a while to reply but then eventually, apologising for not being in touch sooner. He's up for meeting again next week but once again I've not heard from him in several days so am wondering if he's really interested.

Am I wasting my time here? I've been out of the dating game for quite a while so not sure what level of contact is to be expected. I generally wait for him to get in touch as I don't want to come across as desperate!

[Kr1stina]

You are over thinking this. He's a former colleague who you had lunch with twice, kissed at an office party and had one date .

There was no relationship to be " over " . You are not and never were " seeing him " .

I'm sorry to be harsh, but this " relationship " is in your head

[SodTheSpecialSnowflakes]

" so it's definitely over."

OP, I don't think it was ever 'on' so it can't really be 'over'.
You're making it sound as if it was a relationship. The way I read it he was super casual. you've made it into more than it was, probably because you already knew him due to working together.
There's nothing wrong with you, but you built it up in your head and you've made it into more than it was.
You'll probably hear from him again but at this point you two really aren't on the same page and I suspect he'd be shocked if he read the thread and saw how you were describing the situation between the two of you!

[PineappleFwitters]

Sorry to hear about that seethelight. This was my first foray into the dating world after splitting from XDP too and makes me think it doesn't bode well for the future! It's been almost a month since I last saw him so it's definitely over.

[seethelight]

I'm male and i have had exactly what you are going through, first step into dating after my marriage break-up, things were great, then a few months ago she just stopped talking, i would think "OK that must be it, shes lost interest" then bang...i'd get a message that she wants to see me! we would meet up, and it would be great then I would not hear from her for another week or so..
Eventually i sent her the "we need to talk" text which she replied (pretty quickly!) "about what?" i honestly think she thought things were fine!
I have ended it now and feel so much better for it, it was a crappy time and i now realize how much it was getting me down.
Block, go NC and move on, i promise you'll feel better for it.

[PineappleFwitters]

And the update, if anyone wants it, is that I still haven't heard from him so I'm clearly being ghosted. That's the sort of behaviour is expect from some random off Tindr, not someone I knew for several months who actively showed an interest in me. Tempting as it is to message him and tell him this is a shitty way to behave, I shall resist and move on with my head high.

[PineappleFwitters]

You are all right, I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. It's like an addiction, I don't hear from him for a while, think "right that's it, he's not interested, move on Pineapple" and almost exactly at that point he'll message to ask me out.

I don't even know if he does it deliberately (he doesn't seem that complex) or whether he genuinely wants to see me. Either way, it feels like a complete headfuck, possibly of my own doing.

[Dowser]

If they are not beating a path to your door....then give them the heave ho.

[Ninasimoneinthemorning]

He is just keeping you dangling for when he wants you.

I've had a few of these. Move on.

[DelicatePreciousThing1]

You are back in control if you take that course of action - just wait and see how he reacts.

[DelicatePreciousThing1]

Don't block him but DO NOT contact him for a while. That might put his nose out of joint. Worth a try.

[Dowser]

Aww pineapple

You just put your recovery back
Unless you said, I honestly can't be arsed with you. Don't contact me again...or similar.

[PineappleFwitters]

In a very small and boring update, I had a message from him this morning asking how I was etc. I couldn't be arsed playing games and waiting days to respond so I replied, as I was having my morning coffee in bed and had nothing else to do.

Argh, why do I do this to myself? If a friend was going through the same thing I'd tell her to get rid!

[Dowser]

Toss him back and try another one.
Dh ( from pof) used to email me every day.
We did this for 6 weeks
Then we met up. Saw each other one night in the week, and a day in the weekend.
Soon it was all weekend and a day in the week

Now it's practically 24/7 ;-)

[FloraFoxglove]

Ha it so does but we've all been there at some point

[PineappleFwitters]

I'm not going to. To be fair, I've hardly been chasing him as it's him who's initiated the last few messages rather than me and him who last asked me out. I didn't respond to one of his messages and he sent me another message a couple days later.

Meh, I realise this all sounds very juvenile and maudlin.

[FloraFoxglove]

Please don't message him again. Honestly , no answer IS your answer, I know this stuff is tough but he's not bothered about you. Don't lower yourself by chasing him.. He will now only respond because you've backed him into a corner.

Just stop watering this particular plant. It's dead

[PineappleFwitters]

I actually feel better for having messaged him because at least I'm not left wondering. If he doesn't respond then screw him.

I just find it mystifying how he's so into me when we meet up but silent in between.

[MariposaUno]

It doesn't sound like he is investing anything and isn't that into you.

Even if he was he isn't meeting your expectations so I wouldn't bother.
Move on and someone more compatable will come along.

If you are just looking for a shag with him then you could try it but Imo I think you'd want more from him after that and be left just as dissapointed as you are now, I'm happy to be wrong about that.

Contact builds up slowly in the beginning but still at least every 2-3days to touch Base is what I'd expect from someone that's interested.

[PineappleFwitters]

Fuck! That's awful. I don't think he's lying about the woman from work and she told me herself that they were over, but who knows who else is in the picture.

It was bothering me so much earlier that I sent him a basic how are you message. No reply yet. I know I shouldn't have but part of me felt that since I was the one who suggested meeting up again I should at least make the effort. But if he doesn't respond then I'm definitely done.

[LesisMiserable]

I dated a guy of POF a couple of years ago - the second time I saw him we went to bed together I was massaging him and he said "it feels so good to be touched it's been so long" - turned out he had got his (unbeknownst to me) New girlfriend pregnant around two weeks before . They're married now with their son. They lie don't they.

[PineappleFwitters]

And I think you are right Feed. He did say yes when I spoke to him a week ago and suggested meeting up next week but given I've heard zilch from him, who knows? Unless of course he's sitting there wondering why I've not been in touch. Somehow I doubt that!

[PineappleFwitters]

bess, as far as I know he doesn't have a girlfriend (he told me it's been a long time since he was in a relationship) but I guess he may well be seeing other women. He was involved with another colleague at one point (I didn't find this out until a few weeks ago) but I asked him about her and he said they're definitely finished.

I only split with XDP earlier this year so this is my first tentative step back into the world of dating and tbh I'm now thinking lifelong celibacy is the way to go if this is what it's like these days! It's annoying as he's the one who started it and now I feel like I'm being ghosted.

[WamBamThankYouMaam]

I couldn't be arsed with that at all. I wouldn't want to physically see someone too often (busy person, not prepared to sacrifice time with other people until there's something to sacrifice it for!) But I'd want some form of contact each day, because they should be thinking about me and wanting to speak to me.