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Original poster

On line date coming to house on second date?

30 replies

3beardedgoats · 18/08/2016 20:54

So have been chatting on line then by phone to a guy I met on line for around 5 weeks. We've only managed to meet up once so far due to child care issues between us and I foresee possible further child care issue next week when we've arranged to see each other out for lunch.

I'd originally arranged for him to come to mine in the evening this weekend but have been talked out of it by family who think I shouldn't have him round yet. But I actually can't see why not? And now I think we may have to cancel next week I'm thinking to go ahead with my original plan. I really like this guy.

Is it a no no?!

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 18/08/2016 21:00

Are you having him round because you need to be in as your children are there? If so then I would say absolutely not. You have known this guy five minutes. That is much too soon. Even without children being present there is still a safety issue. I think you need to take time to build up the relationship before inviting him into your home and potentially meeting your children.

Original poster
3beardedgoats · 18/08/2016 21:04

Yes child at home but not be meeting them! No way they'd be asleep! And I'm only talking for a hour or so. But still you are probably right it may be a safety issue.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 18/08/2016 21:07

I wouldn't. I'd keep my home separate from my dates until I knew someone well.

ButtMuncher · 18/08/2016 21:07

Huge no no as far as I'm concerned. I'd have never done it pre kids and definitely wouldn't do it with children - even if they're not in the house.

This new guy may be absolutely genuine but the fact is you don't know him and the moment you open yourself up to him knowing your home address, you're compromising your safety but most importantly, your kids.

Even if they remain asleep (and kids aren't always predictable) I still wouldn't dare do it this early.

Original poster
3beardedgoats · 18/08/2016 21:08

Great thanks all that's what I needed to hear then. The sensible approach!

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 18/08/2016 21:09

It's the safety issue. I would ask the family member(s) who've shown concern if in that case they could babysit for a couple of hours so you can go out.

GodImbored · 18/08/2016 21:13

No too soon sorry.

I have regretted inviting guys to my place even when children are not in the house. One guy got really pissed and I couldn't get rid of him. He had his car and couldn't drive home. He stayed on the sofa (no shag thank God) and in the morning I couldn't wait for him to go but he was so hungover he could barely move and I had to practically kick him out. When he tried to arrange to see me again I declined and he got really abusive. I posted on here at the time as I was quite upset. He had seemed such a nice guy till then but I think I had a lucky escape.

I would wait a bit longer if I were you.

WanderingTrolley1 · 18/08/2016 21:18

Definitely no!

honeybunny14 · 18/08/2016 21:23

I done this but was the 3Rd date because of child care issues and dcs were asleep we are still together and moving in together at the end of the month.

But I would say be vv careful of who you invite into your home dcs or not I was extremely lucky to have met someone so respectful not saying your guy isn't but any doubts I wouldn't just be sure good luck op

RedMapleLeaf · 18/08/2016 21:25

I don't understand why you'd consider this.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/08/2016 21:27

Noooooooo!

happyandsingle · 18/08/2016 22:54

it's very hard though when u have childcare issues.

Original poster
3beardedgoats · 19/08/2016 08:07

Thanks everyone. I decided to change my perspective anyway, that if this is how it's going to be with difficulty seeing each other then I'd rather be used to that at the beginning and see how it develops from there.

Some people I know have had people to their house a bit sooner than others because there is very little choice when you are a full time single parent. My family will not babysit in the evenings so I can only go out in the day. But hopefully we'll be able to sort a daytime meet next week.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 19/08/2016 08:17

You've made the right decision OP. To have someone you barely know, round to your house after barely 5 minutes, would be crazy from a relationship perspective without the risk connotation thrown in.

GodImbored · 19/08/2016 08:22

I've done a lot of online dating over the years and I would say men have no qualms about visiting your home with children there if they think there is a shag in it for them.

I have felt a lot of pressure from some guys who want to come to my place very early on.

princessmi12 · 19/08/2016 09:15

What pp said.
If he's suggesting coming over to yours it's either case of him being broke and doesn't want to spend money on taking you out, or just after a shag .

RedMapleLeaf · 19/08/2016 09:39

What? What would be so bad about him being broke? Or not wanting to spend money on someone he's met once?

Perhaps he wants to go out on a date and spend a bit of money - it's the OP saying she can't get a baby sitter.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 19/08/2016 09:44

Can't you pay someone to babysit? Even if it's just a quick drink in the pub for a couple of hours?

If not then stick to lunch plans.

Was it his suggestion to come to your place?

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this at all, sorry.

It is very difficult to make a new dating life with kids and lack of support, but you are right - it's something you need to accept from the beginning that's not going to change for a while.

Best to get used to it.

velourvoyageur · 19/08/2016 10:52

I did this recently with a Tinder date but this was the first time I met her, I was pissed and coming back from drinks and asked her if she was free. She was and we saw each other every day/night for a week until she had to go back home :) bit risky but worked out so well & we're still keeping in contact till next time. We didn't even have sex the first night, just talked and kissed.

Would never do it with a man tho. Sorry for sexism but I don't care.
If the kids are out of the house and you can get a couple of people to check up on you then maybe?

princessmi12 · 19/08/2016 12:10

What? What would be so bad about him being broke? Or not wanting to spend money on someone he's met once?
Because most of people want to date someone that put effort into dating,i.e. time,attention and a bit of money!

BellaVida · 19/08/2016 12:13

No way. You met them online and this is only a second date. You know nothing about them in truth. I would be keeping my home and my DC at a distance for quite some time!

RedMapleLeaf · 19/08/2016 12:29

Perhaps princess but I think most people are after discussion, company and connection rather than someone else's money.

princessmi12 · 19/08/2016 13:39

I think most people are after discussion, company and connection rather than someone else's money.
Until it becomes an issue ,when going out is avoided due to other party cba to spend money or don't have it.

ThinkingForever · 19/08/2016 13:53

Having a man you don't know in your home/personal space would be a complete no-no for me. Why isn't he taking you out somewhere nice so you can get to know each other before jumping in with both feet? Maybe he's hoping the 'date' at your house is gonna be a shagging situation. Doesn't sound like a decent guy to me if this is where he is coming from. I really get the single parent thing - but if he's interested you can start off having a couple of dates in the daytime and take it from there. When you decide you really like him and he you and want to pursue it, try and get some proper childcare if you can I know its hard. I am a single parent. I would really caution letting a man I hardly know on "a date" in my house until a good while down the line ...

RedMapleLeaf · 19/08/2016 13:54

Why isn't he taking you out somewhere nice so you can get to know each other before jumping in with both feet?

BECAUSE THE OP CAN'T GET CHILDCARE!!

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