Dp and I have been together for 5 years, and have lived together for about three. I have a teenage dc from a previous marriage. I need to say right form the start that DP is a good man - he's affectionate, smart, treats me well, gets on well with ds.
But I am increasingly unsure about why we're together. I feel frustrated with our relationship dynamic a lot of the time and I'm no longer clear on what exactly is in it all for me. I was a single parent for several years before meeting Dp and therefore am pretty independent/capable, built up my own life and career and friendship groups... the positive of this is that I'm not scared of being alone, the negative is that I wonder whether actually I'm no good at being in a couple!
It gets triggered by silly things - eg last night Dp went out after work and came home around midnight, no problem there as I like to have some time just me and ds, eat what I want, watch what I want on tv! But when he got home he was absolutely shitfaced, didn't know where he was, couldn't talk to me etc. He got up and out of bed a few times, was knocking things over, shouting out in his sleep, rolling around in bed and (completely unintentionally!) bashing me with his arm etc. I just lay there awake most of the night listening to him snoring and muttering, thinking, wtf is this about? I've had a long week at work and this drunken arse is keeping me awake all night! If I was single I could sleep all night! So he'll lie in bed all morning and then sit around nursing his hangover all day, it'll be me that ends up doing all the stuff around the house that needs doing this weekend. I might as well be single, do all that stuff anyway and at least get a decent night's sleep into the bargain.
I pay all the rent and most of bills in our place - I earn a lot more than Dp so it's fair I pay more, but I could fairly easily afford to live here on my own with ds. And increasingly frequently I feel as if I might as well. And even though I am older than him, earn more, am way more organised and 'sorted' than he is etc, he talks to me in such a patronising way sometimes that it makes me want to scream.
Our sex life is meh - I fancy him and want to have sex with him more, but he is lazy in bed and has odd 'rules' about when we do it - eg we never ever have sex at bedtime, only ever on a weekend morning (although not this weekend!)
I do want to emphasise that he is a good guy. He loves me and he'd be devastated to break up, but I am just not sure what this relationship brings to my life anymore that I can't get from myself, friends, family or - tbh - casual, non-cohabiting dating! Or, is this what it's about? Am I just being overly critical and have unreasonable expectations? I don't know what to do about it.