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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

a ring

35 replies

vkp25 · 04/07/2016 23:28

hi all,
I'm brand new to this website so wondered if you could help!

just some advice really:

I've been in relationship with the man of my dreams (cheesy I know) for 2 year and almost 7 months.

We now live together and my birthday is coming up:

he asked what I want and I said nothing but a ring, bear in mind I'm the least materialistic person ever and I spend so much on others and never expect anything in return.

Past few weeks he's not asked again what I want for birthday and he normally asks nonstop as being a typical man he needs to know exactly what to buy and where to buy it! so I've assumed he's getting a ring!

tonight he asked what I want! I couldn't believe it after all this time (my bday is in 21 days) I said I told U before I wont repeat it.

he just replied well u never want anything
now I'm upset and hiding that but he's asking if hes done something wrong and I'm saying no

what do I do??

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 04/07/2016 23:32

Are you trying to get him to propose? If you want to marry him, just ask him, and stop trying to engineer him into it.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 04/07/2016 23:33

Well you accept that he doesnt want to get engaged.

If he never mentioned it for awhile after you mentioned that you wanted a ring and has now mentioned it several weeks later i can only assume that he was hoping you would forget about the ring.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/07/2016 23:33

Tell him again? Clearly he's forgotten.. Good communication is pretty key to a relationship so if he's really the 'man of your dreams' you need to handle this aspect maturely. Sulking at him and telling him you won't say it again is only going to mean you not getting the present you want and both of you feeling bad.

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/07/2016 23:34

Oh x-posts; I didn't get that you wanted an engagement ring - is that what you wanted? I assumed just a nice piece of jewellery.

TheNaze73 · 04/07/2016 23:36

Men do not do subtle hints!

Secondly, you've not been together that long at all, sounds like he's not that interested in getting engaged.

Talk to him if it bothers you, don't sulk though

jayho · 04/07/2016 23:36

did something happen and we dropped out of the 21st century?

janaus · 04/07/2016 23:38

Why don't you go shopping together. Make some suggestions of what you like. Then leave it up to him.
It doesn't have to be an engagement ring. In my day, we first got a 'friendship' ring, if the relationship was headed that way. No need to rush him into it. Anything that he gets you will be special. Be happy.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 04/07/2016 23:41

My friend got a "commitment ring"

I was like WTF??

After googling it appears such a thing does exist!

jayho · 04/07/2016 23:43

oh, ffs, have it through your nose and pretend feminism never happened

(disclaimer - it's late and i'm a bit hacked off)

AnecdotalEvidence · 04/07/2016 23:45

Are you actually after an engagement ring?
Does HE know what you are after or could he be confused?
If you are trying to engineer a proposal, this is a dreadful way of going about it!
If you just want a ring, then you need to be clearer on the type of ring you want.
This has nothing to do with being materialistic. If you want a proposal, that's not a materialistic gift, it's a personal commitment. That is not something that can be given as a gift.
And the whole drama with the "I've told you before, I'm not telling you again", well that's just awful.

Original poster
vkp25 · 04/07/2016 23:51

wowzers sorry all, I must've seemed sketchy!

it's any ring just a ring I don't own any ring!

he knows it ain't an engagement ring!

I'm going to just chill obvs!

just wanted people's opinion, not people to get all hot headed at me lol

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 04/07/2016 23:52

How does he know it's not an engagement ring?

If a woman says 'nothing but a ring' and later gets narky over it, then the bloke is generally going to think she means an engagement ring

Original poster
vkp25 · 04/07/2016 23:54

because we've talked about marriage before and said we'd wait longer!

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 04/07/2016 23:56

Ok, that doesn't mean it wouldn't sound like you wanted an engagement ring.

I think you need to be clear and more specific with him. Poor bloke is probably a bit panicked and lost!

jayho · 04/07/2016 23:58

so you want a 'dress ring' as per pp you need to be prescriptive

MyKingdomForBrie · 05/07/2016 00:00

Didn't get hot headed, just suggest you tell him again..

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 05/07/2016 00:01

Well, if he knows it's not an engagement ring, say something like:

"I'm sorry I got upset, but it's something I really want and I hoped you'd remember I mentioned it. I'd really like a [silver] ring for the [middle finger on my right hand] - it's a size [G]. Do you want to pick one for me as a surprise, or should I show you a few pictures of what I like?"

That way you're being nice and clear. I can see why you're upset, but he probably wasn't listening so in his mind he didn't know!

Original poster
vkp25 · 05/07/2016 00:10

ok thanx I'll mention it again and my friend said show him a picture of a ring you like and say something like that etc I agree he does need to be told however after telling him once I thought he'd remember since he normally asks a billion times before my bday what I want as I never want anything! maybe he did get wrong impression...

OP posts:
Glastokitty · 05/07/2016 00:47

You are being disingenuous or naïve. Ninety nine per cent of boyfriends are going to think engagement ring when asked for a ring, especially if you say its all you want! He's probably shitting himself now and has no idea what is going on! I think you really need to clarify with him that you just want a dress ring and not an engagement ring, if in fact that is really what you're after and you weren't fishing for more.

Justbeingnosey123 · 05/07/2016 00:57

If you want a non engagement ring I agree you need to say again clearly that's wear you want his either forgotten or maybe got confused what you meant. Even if that's not the case most men I know buying jewellery need specifics this style size etc.

janaus · 05/07/2016 04:44

You could suggest him getting you a nice ring with your birthstone, then it would be clearly not an engagement ring.

Tearsoffrustration · 05/07/2016 07:02

I thought you meant engagement ring

Tellmewhyohwhy · 05/07/2016 07:05

Yes you need to be entirely clear. The poor bloke will not know what you mean.

Costacoffeeplease · 05/07/2016 07:10

I wouldn't just say 'a ring' and expect him to get it right - you could end up with something hideous! Poor guy needs some direction rather than PA huffing

  1. Grow up
  2. Point out some rings you like - maybe 4 or 5 and let him pick one
category12 · 05/07/2016 07:15

Of course he thinks you mean an engagement ring. You probably do mean that too but are being disingenuous.

Anyway being petty and going "not going to tell you again" is pretty silly. Describe what you like - you might end up with something horrendous if you just say "any ring". Say what you mean, not expect mind reading. Otherwise plastic heart ring out of a cracker.

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