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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think this is it. The end.

33 replies

FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:18

It's been 11 years of ups and downs and I think tonight is the last down. I want to cry my eyes out but it's not coming. I'm so angry I could beat him with a brick and I'm so sad I could....nothing. There's nothing. I'm in such a jumble I think I've just wimped out of speaking to him and written it down here.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:20

He called me a fat cunt tonight. In the whole 11 years he's never resorted to calling me fat in an argument but tonight he did. How stupid to be upset! I am fat but I thought he didn't see the fat because he saw me. Haha. Idiot that I am.

OP posts:
Fedupd0tcom · 02/07/2016 00:22

Sending you a big hug. X

Lilacpink40 · 02/07/2016 00:23

It's hard, but for me 6 months down the road it's not as hard as living with a twat.

Your twat sounds like he needs a good kicking out the door and the door firmly shut.

Fedupd0tcom · 02/07/2016 00:24

You say you've been unhappy for a long time. Right now you are obviously upset. Have a cup of tea or something to drink that will calm and soothe you. Try and sleep if you can. Then tomorrow if you can...get out of the home and away from him. Try if you can to have some time to think....think calmly what you may do next. X

Fedupd0tcom · 02/07/2016 00:25

Have a plan...so if you leave him...or tell him to go...you have a plan of action to support yourself with xx be strong hon x

Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:26

Tomorrow he'll not speak. If he does it will be to say sorry and that he was drunk and didn't mean it. He does mean it. He doesn't even like me, let alone love me. I've wasted 11 years and now I'm nearly 40. Ffs.

OP posts:
ExtraHotLatteToGo · 02/07/2016 00:30

That's really horrible, what a nasty bastard.

It sounds like you'd be better off out of that relationship, life's too short to be so 'nothing'.

If you do leave, be prepared for 'sellers remorse'. It's so easy to feel like you've done the wrong thing & try to 'fix it'. But if you stay strong and ride the wave, you'll come out the other end so much happier.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 02/07/2016 00:32

💐. So be strong, Don't waste 21 years and be almost 50 xx

Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:33

God I'm so fucking mad. So angry. I convinced myself he'd changed and I don't think he can. Do you know how this started? Because my 13 yo DD had eaten his pringles.

OP posts:
RoryGilmore · 02/07/2016 00:35

Hello? Are you me? I could have written this. My EX 'd' p has been a total shithead to me all night.

Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:35

So he called us both selfish fuckers. Over a tube of pringles. If somebody ate my pringles I'd say ooh you bastard you owe me a tub next time. He called us fuckers, thieving twats.

OP posts:
RoryGilmore · 02/07/2016 00:36

He once started a massive row because I put two books on his bookcase.

Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:36

God Rory I'm sorry you are going through this too. Do you want to talk about it?

OP posts:
RoryGilmore · 02/07/2016 00:37

Also 11 years. Also the last down. Fuck this shit... We don't need to live like this.

RoryGilmore · 02/07/2016 00:38

I'm OK, I made the decision and sorted my ducks. He's an ex, but he just needs to go now. You sound like you're on the same path.

Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:40

I'm such a failure to my username. I want a crying grovelling apology, for him to admit he's wrong and never do it again. He could do that if I talked at him for an hour and he wanted to resume normal service.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:42

He'd do it again though. He doesn't want my life. Or my daughter. Or my dog. Why can't I just say fuck off? I'm worried how I'll manage financially alone. I'm worried my daughter will hate me. He's been her dad since she was 2. I want to cry so badly!

OP posts:
Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:43

I want him to be the mani thought he was. There's the crux of it. He's not that man.

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas1 · 02/07/2016 00:55

It's not a wasted 11 years, you are still you, you have a lot of life to live. It's emotional now but won't be later.

Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:59

I can't see how I can extricate myself from this. It's all so connected. I'll lose my link with his kids and I don't want to. I don't want him to be alone but he will be, unless he finds a woman who likes being controlled.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeministKilljoy · 02/07/2016 00:59

Yet why do I give a fuck

OP posts:
housewifedesperate · 02/07/2016 03:10

He's a twat, simple. Not helpful, but 16 months down the link, my stbxh called me ugly (i now I'm not) it's not about you, it's about him and his attitude and how you deal with it.
Repeat, not you x

Doinmummy · 02/07/2016 03:15

You can go it alone, you will be fine, really you will. It's scary but once you get rid of him your thoughts will become clearer. This is no way to live and you deserve better.

Asprilla11 · 02/07/2016 03:15

I'm so angry I could beat him with a brick

If you do decide to do this, make sure you ask for the thread to be deleted Wink

Good luck OP, you WILL look back one day and think leaving was well worth it.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 02/07/2016 03:32

Very sorry that you had to endure such shit from someone so undeserving.

He doesn't deserve you because you don't deserve this. Not you, your daughter, or even the dog.

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