Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed Ex and girlfriend

35 replies

Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 10:42

I have finally relented and let my daughter have Facebook. This morning I woke up to an abusive message sent through Facebook from exh girlfriend.
I haven't responded and have blocked exh girlfriend. I also sent the message to exh.
Now I do quite a lot for exh due to his ill health. I drop Dc's and pick them up from xh for contact. I also don't receive any maintenance.
Additionally I help him with filling out forms etc.
Do I stop all this? Do I not have my daughter as a friend on Facebook?
I'm at a loss having never spoken to this woman in my life.
Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
princessmi12 · 28/06/2016 10:55

Unfortunately people will deal with all sort of nasty things while on social media. I think you have done best-blocked the gf.
I don't think your exh can control actions of his gf and although its unpleasant situation,he's not directly responsible for what happened.I think you should not deprive your daughter of contact with her dad due to this. That's subject to change, if hes going to turn nasty as well .Did he reply yet? Id expect an apology from him on behalf of his gf.If he's reasonable person.

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 11:00

Princess - Thank you for your reply. No response from ex yet although he has read the message.
The reason I asked about continuing to drop the children and pick them up from his is that I feel uncomfortable now as his girlfriend lives next door.

OP posts:
princessmi12 · 28/06/2016 11:05

Due to her hostile behaviour,it would be reasonable of you to demand her not being around dcs,while they visit dad.
She's not stepmother and should not be involved by default,just because they are a couple

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/06/2016 11:12

Did you report this message of hers to FB as well?.

Your DD has a right to see her father even though his girlfriend is a nasty piece of work. She does not have to be present when your DD sees her father.

Why are there no maintenance payments from him? He is still financially responsible for his child.

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 11:15

Thanks for that advice princess. I don't think I will get a response from him now. I will have my daughter asking are we going to dads this weekend and I'm not sure how to respond if I have no communication from her father.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 11:16

Attila - he stopped paying a few years ago when he got ill. He will sometimes put towards a trip if I ask him but I do have to ask - more than once.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 28/06/2016 11:20

How old is your daughter? Was the message sent to you via your DD's FB account? Has this woman always lived next door to your ex?

I get that it was upsetting to receive an abusive message from her but I don't see how this will change any of your usual arrangements unless this woman has only just moved in next door?

princessmi12 · 28/06/2016 11:30

Chicrock
Even if gf just moved next door,it should not change anything
OP will be affected by gf's games,as long as she hangs over that power to gf.
OP you ARE in a position to cut her off from dcs life .If you make it clear to exh she should not be around dcs,he should accommodate your request and stop her getting involved. In regards to exh:
does he work at the moment?

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 11:31

Chic - the message came via messenger. The woman has not only just moved in but the abuse makes me uncomfortable, which is why I am reconsidering parking up outside her house twice a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 11:36

Princess - I don't really want to contact him now as he has been forwarded the message so I'm waiting for him to respond.
This would open the lines of communication. Without this he can use my daughter to communicate to.
i.e Ask mum if your coming this weekend?
DD - mum are we going to dads this weekend?
If you know what I mean?
He has been working cash in hand for his landlord.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 28/06/2016 14:32

Well, she sounds a delight Shock

Block her & report. That is appalling on her part

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 15:57

Naze - I have blocked her. I phoned my ex and asked for his opinion and why I have had to contact him. He's apologised said that he was waiting to speak to her first.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/06/2016 16:08

I would tell her you're taking legal action and have a cease and desist letter sent to her.

Is she mental?

0dfod · 28/06/2016 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 28/06/2016 16:20

OP, report her to FB as well

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 28/06/2016 17:05

Thanks for the advice everyone. I did not expect her to behave in such an immature way to be honest.
Still waiting on an update from exh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 01/07/2016 16:30

Quick update - dropped my Dd off today and whilst I was there next door neighbours sister screeches to a halt behind me.
She stares right in my face and walks into neighbours house. Not sure what that was all about Hmm

OP posts:
blindsider · 01/07/2016 16:33

what did the message to your daughter say?

WannaBe · 01/07/2016 16:40

Am confused, what does your DD having Facebook have to do with the GF sending you messages.

TBH there is IMO only one response to this kind of behaviour. Ignore, block and move on. If she has something to say and she chooses to say it then she is the one who is going to make herself look like an insecure jealous idiot.

If your DD is old enough to have Facebook then presumably she is old enough to see this woman for who she is. You don't need to fuel that by responding.

Dogolphin · 01/07/2016 16:48

Do you know what has triggered this? Is it because she now has a way to contact you that she didn't have before?

blindsider · 01/07/2016 16:50

Wannabe

Am confused, what does your DD having Facebook have to do with the GF sending you messages.

I read it as her daughter having received the message or its all a bit of a storm in a teacup??

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 01/07/2016 16:59

No daughter did not receive the message. We were both on daughters friends list. This gave girlfriend a way to contact me.

OP posts:
blindsider · 01/07/2016 17:04

She could contact you anyway through messenger, you don't need to be friends with someone to send them a message.

Original poster
Flatstanley69 · 01/07/2016 17:19

Really blindsider I didn't know that. Maybe she didn't either?

Anyway she's blocked now but as a don't want to make any feelings she's harbouring worse, I'm going to be picking the children up from round the corner in future.

OP posts:
blindsider · 01/07/2016 17:28

Have you had any interaction with this women as your OP makes it sound out of the blue?