A pizza has left out trust in tatters

[isthismylife88]

So it all started when I went shopping and bought 3 pizzas on Thursday, that night my partner was working nights so I ate one. I went out with a couple of friends on Fridays night ( which is rare ) I came home at 12 looking forward to putting a pizza in the oven.
However on opening the freezer the two pizzas that had been in there had gone. I looked next to the sink and there was 2 pizzas with what looked like pizza oil and crumbs. I assumed my partner had eaten 2 full pizzas after our Sunday type lunch at 5.30.
As he was asleep I sent him a message on Facebook saying I can't believe you ate 2 pizzas in the hope I would be getting a lie in.

At midday on Saturday I asked him had he seen my message. He said he only had one and that it was probably still in the freezer ether I hadn't looked properly or had only bought 2 on Thursday instead of three but could give no explanation why there had been two plates.

On getting home I searched the freezer, he asked me if I had found the pizza to which I replied no he stuck to his story but I was so sure I have put 3 in there and how could he have possibly eaten 2 after a large meal.

I went on to check the recipe and recycle bin which both confined he was lying to me. I rang my sister to check I wasn't going mad.

My worst fears came into play
He's had someone round. I had always told my friends if I didn't trust he so much he could be having an affaire.
He leave for work 1 hour and 40 minutes early for work to pick up a college Iv never met he feel me the earlier they start to earlier the get away. Now and the he arrives home and hour late and tells me his mate at work slept in so they were late swopping shifts.
He randomly tells me he has to pop out for 10 minute to his second job and comes back half an hour late

He never wants sex we have it once a month

We have 2 kids a house and 8 years together but still no ring.

I decided to confront him on Saturday night I told him I had found the pizza boxes in the bin and the receipt. He stuck by his story getting very annoyed with me. "Why would I eat a margarita I don't even like them, how could I possibly eat two after dinner and if I had why would I just tell you" he then when on to accuse me of been nut " your off your head" and saying some quite nasty things. I asked him had some else's been in the house with you to which he reply what with the kid in the house.

I wanted to believe him, he was speaking as if he would if he was telling the truth but I had evidence.

I went to bed upset

On Sunday afternoon I made some comment about us having a pizza thief who likes to recycle. He laughs and told me he had in fact eaten the pizza and it was a joke.

I'm very confused do I believe him? can I really trust him? Was he embarrassed? He lied in the same way he tells the truth how will I even know when he is lying?

So, he's either a gaslighting lying dick who is greedy or a gaslighting lying dick who is having an affair.

Nice choice you've got there.

So he had quite clearly ate two pizzas and fibbed about it, not well given that he had left the evidence on the side, and you think this is evidence you should LTB as he is cheating?

Fare point i have always trusted him in the past and like to think people think he his a trust worthy guy

I guess the
going to work early
Coming home late
Constant popping out the house for a fare period of time
Lack of sex
And every time I use his phone his call data is clear
Had me jumping to a possible affair.

These things have never bothered me in the past but the bloody pizza has my cage rattled

Would you lie about it?

Your other concerns seem genuine, I think the pizza is a red herring! I might occasionally conceal the truth about where the odd chocolate biscuit has gone, don't feel like that's a reflection on my relationship!

Agree that while other things might be red flags, he probably scoffed the pizzas himself. Having the OW round to yours while you were on a night out would be incredibly high risk, even if he is a big enough twat to do it morally. You could have popped back for something or come home early wankered or ill.
Were your children at home? If so its even more unlikely.

I think your right I'm willing to admit I told a fare few white lies
I however don't think Iv gone to such extent to cover up the truth about what was supposedly a joke
It's the first time iv really know him lie that I know of anyway

The other issues are big red flags.
Him lieing to you about eating only one pizza is awful too. He either ate it himself or had someone round. He lied either way and you don't deserve that.
Your not a but case, you have genuine concern.

There are big problems in the relationship, it's not working. You need to talk however don't expect the truth from him if he can lie about a pizza.

The pizza thing isn't bollocks- why have two plates if he ate them both himself?

I make you right on suspecting him.

White lies are imo totally ok. But the these things seem a bit suspicious.
But the call data. I basically always delete this if it's on my private phone (I say basically always because I've sometimes screenshot smth).
And no I've never cheated on anybody. I just hate the idea of losing my phone/somebody stealing it/snooping around...

TBH I think there is more to worry about in your relationship than the pizza.

Would he not need two plates to eat two pizzas if he cooked them at the same time scary?

I have just made a sausage sandwich and used two plates , two knives and a fork ...😳

Surely you would eat one, and then have another?? You wouldn't cook both at once?

He's not very good at this 'affair' business if he left two plates lying around is he.

If he is having an affair then I guess he wants you to find out and bring things to a head.

If I'd ate 2 pizzas I probably wouldn't tell dh because I'd be slightly embrassed I had done it. But then dh would never question the pizzas being used and he wouldn't look in recycling to check up on me. I wouldn't care if I thought dh had used 2 pizzas, we buy them to be eaten.

Honestly it sounds like a massive risk to have had ow round for pizza while you was out.

If your having trust issues for whatever reason you need to talk to him, your drive yourself mad over thinking.

It's hard because you need to talk to him yet you can't trust him to tell you the truth when you do talk.
Has he apologised for the nasty things he said to you?

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Why are the two of you still together; the pizza thing is the very least of your problems. The pizza issue has just brought the rest of the very real problems in your relationship (trust issues, no sex and it sounds also like you've expected marriage as well) to a head.

If he can lie about a pizza then what else can he lie about?.

On a far wider level just what are the two of you teaching your children about relationships here? Do you want them to learn that yes this is really how people do behave in relationships.

My dh regularly has two pizzas in one meal. He cooks both at the same time and has them lined up on two plates. I keep telling him it will catch up with him eventually but currently due to his job he is burning many more calories than he is using lucky sod

I think the other things you've mentioned are the real red flags tbh.

I don´t think your evidence suggests an affair. It would a pretty poor cover up if he left two plates lying around, wouldn´t it... Also, if someone he was having an affair with was coming over to your house while you were out, would they really spend their time eating a frozen pizza? Going out for ten minutes and being out for half an hour is normal. Coming and leaving work an hour late some times is normal. Not meeting work colleagues is normal.

You don´t trust him and to me it seems like that is making you jump to conclusions that may be incorrect. Why don´t you trust him? Has he been unfaithful before?

Our relationship has always been solid

It wasn't love at first sight he was a friend. He has stud by me through stressful time and if anything our relationship has got stronger over the years
He is a very calm guy on a day basic and it take a lot to push him over the edge.
We are so wrapped up in work and our 2 little boys
He's a great dad and we are a family unit although admit we don't know who we are anymore just who mummy and daddy are.

The pizza has me crushed because I was shock at how easy he lied to my face I really couldn't care else that he ate the pizza or if he ate 2.

The big red flags have always been there

I spent 5 years pestering him for sex and been turned down the other 3 years realising it just doesn't float his boat and to wait for him to come to me.

He apparently picks a guy up to take him to work who probably does exist sets off very early 5.20am and come back 7.20 unless he is late. His shifts are 7-7 and his job is 30 minutes away this has been going on for about 2 years Iv never questioned it till now

Phone data he has cleared ever since he got his first smart phone about 5 years ago

The frequent popping out after a text to his second job a couple of streets away. I had put down to been under the bosses thumb but it irritates the hell out of me. Doesn't matter what we are doing he drops everything and leaves

The marriage thing is an issue and has been for a long time. 18 months together and talking many times about getting engaged only for a friend to inform me he had been engaged to his previous girlfriend and was due to be married and they had owned a house together. I though back to all the conversation we had and I felt totally embarrass and humiliated. When I asked him about it
He was angry and wanted to know who told me as if it had been a secret but once he calmed down to told me he had forgot he hAd been engaged to someone else and that why he never told me ( ye sure ) He doesn't want to talk about it and I feel I'm still the only one who doesn't know what happened. If I approach the subject it infuriates him so after 3 attempts over the year I don't bother.

I was ready to say yes if ever asked until the pizza lies

No he didn't apologise he told me it was a joke and to get over it.
He isn't a romantic and can't give compliment, most men phrase woman for been so strong during labor. I though I had done really well no pain relief till the last 30 minute but according to him I don't manage tummy pain very well.
This bothered me for some time but Iv just come to accept it and understand I can only give my self confidence and make myself feel good. To the point that if he tells me what I'm wearing is a bit over the top " it mean I look good and he doesn't want me to go out in it incase it turns heads"

So basically he's taking 1 hour and 40 minutes to get to work at 5 am when his journey takes half an hour? That is very suspicious. And you don't know the colleague. And are you sure he works 7 - 7? That's a very long day. Does he work 4 days? And he has a second job as well? Do you actually see the wage slips for these jobs?

I think most men would reuse the plate tbh. I would assume another person was there, too.

He could have a binge eating habit of some sort which would explain why he lied (shame). However the deleted call history is dodgy. Sounds like there are some secrets but maybe not an affair.

Binge eating is a strong possible!

Yes, he works 7-7 4 on 4 off, he defo has a second job as I used to work there 6 years ago but it's changed a lot since then.

I probably wouldn't admit to eating two full pizzas tbh.