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Original poster

Why is everyone telling me he's not my type?

39 replies

JustBoppinAlong · 03/06/2016 13:01

Why do people have to have a say in everything?
I met a guy online. He lives very very close to me. Started off by meeting him for a coffee. Then met him a few more times. Then went on a date. Watched films together.

Anyway, my friends have taken an interest and have been Facebook stalking to see what he looks like.

He's quite a big bloke. 6 foot tall, very broad shoulders, possibly intimidating to some. But he's extremely kind, caring, gentle.
We have similar interests, talk every day about anything and everything.

I'm attracted to him, he's attracted to me. Yet society seems to have deemed him as 'just below average looking'.

My friends think he's out of his league and I can do better.

Surely we are past the days when looks define everything? I'm attracted to him, surely that's all that matters?

I was quite looking forward to my friends meeting my new man. Now I don't want them anywhere near. Feels like they are spooling what I see as a good thing in my life.

Anyway, I'm not ever sure why I'm writing this. Guess I need to stop giving a fig what others think, even if they are my friends?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBoppinAlong · 03/06/2016 13:02

Sorry spoiling* not spooling. Bloody autocorrect.

OP posts:
itsnotfair10 · 03/06/2016 13:06

Sounds to me like you have some pretty shallow friends.

Looks aren't everything and as long as you are attracted to him surely that's all that matters? At the end of the day you are the one in a relationship with this man, not your friends and as long as you are happy they should be supportive.

LuckyBitches · 03/06/2016 14:50

I'm afraid your friends sound like twats. Enjoy your new bloke Grin! Real beauty is on the inside anyway.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/06/2016 14:57

When I got together with my ExH no-one could quite believe it.
But... for 15 years he was a lovely husband and father.
I loved him dearly.
Every year we had an anniversary I would say 'And they said it would never last.. hahahaha'
Well in the end it didn't but that's the way it goes.
You enjoy it.
Sod your friends.
Tell them that you really like him and that it's what's on the inside that counts and you don't want to hear any more of their negative shit!

seven201 · 03/06/2016 15:15

Is it possibly what he posts on Facebook or silly photos of him that they don't like rather than what he looks like?

Cabrinha · 03/06/2016 15:21

If all your friends have done is make a brief comment than you're out of his league then they're probably just complimenting you. It's a pretty standard lazy thing to say "oooh, she's too good for you mate" seems to get said to every man I go out with by their mates. It's meaningless fluff.

How aggressive are your friends being in sharing his opinion?

HappiestMummyAlive · 03/06/2016 15:57

Yet society seems to have deemed him as 'just below average looking

Perhaps they think you are too pretty for him?

Me personally I couldn't be with someone who wasn't good looking, it just wouldn't work.

Cabrinha · 03/06/2016 16:05
Hmm Well you sound nice.
Cabrinha · 03/06/2016 16:05

Still, your attitude suits your smug as fuck username I suppose 😂

HappiestMummyAlive · 03/06/2016 16:08

Well a lot of girls/woman settle for ugly overweight guys with huge bellies because he has deep pockets.

lateforeverything · 03/06/2016 16:08

I personally don't give a toss about that kind of crap.

Ppl told me dh wasn't my type but for different reasons but we're still here 10years later and they've pretty much all split from their blokes so there you go! Wink

SandyY2K · 03/06/2016 16:14

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are more important qualities in a person than looks.

How you get on and more importantly how the person treats you is what you need to focus on.

You just need to tell them that you are old enough to decide for yourself and that you find him attractive or you wouldn't be with him. Not that you need to explain your choice to them.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 03/06/2016 16:27

Meh, you can only look at someone for so long. There needs to be an attractive person there to hold a relationship together.

ptumbi · 03/06/2016 16:34

Well a lot of girls/woman settle for ugly overweight guys with huge bellies because he has deep pockets. - errr, you what?

You've never come across someone who is lovely on the inside? Or someone with an ugly personality but pretty face?

Actually, don't answer that. I think you are a GF.

OP - if you are attracted to him, that makes him attractive. End of.

Original poster
JustBoppinAlong · 03/06/2016 16:42

I am definitely attracted to him. To my friends he is below average. But I'd say their standards are pretty high.
But then the drop dead gorgeous men they go for never seem to last..

I get told I'm quite pretty. But I don't think I am.

I think maybe I just care what other people think. I'm quite insecure. Is just like for my friends to feel happy for me.

To me I go for a combination of things in a man, not just how he looks.
Maybe you are right. I either need to tell them to bugger off judging or find better friends.

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 03/06/2016 16:44

Erm is happiestmummyalive one of your friends? Yuk ... shallow Hmm

OP, you sound lovely. I'm glad you do not listen to your friends. Remember, it's what you like and want that matters. Stuff your friends

Original poster
JustBoppinAlong · 03/06/2016 16:46

They also judge because he's been single for over a year. And has not had many partners / relationships.
But to me that's not necessarily a bad thing.

He's treated me like a princess so far. Has taken me out. Offers to pay for everything (don't worry I don't let him. I'm stubbornly independent).
And he seems to actually care about me. Rather than just wanting a shag, or to go out partying.

OP posts:
CommonBurdock · 03/06/2016 16:50

Have they got nothing better to do than invent arbitrary and crap relationship criteria? Last I heard being single for a year was a sign of emotional maturity but what do I know, I'm not on facebook

CommonBurdock · 03/06/2016 16:51

Have they got nothing better to do than invent arbitrary and crap relationship criteria? Last I heard being single for a year was a sign of emotional maturity but what do I know, I'm not on facebook

CommonBurdock · 03/06/2016 16:52

i wish it would stop posting everything twice sorry about that, as you were

Somerville · 03/06/2016 16:53

Maybe they're worried because you describe him as treating you like a princess?

But aside from that, he sounds nice. All that matters in terms of looks is that you like the look of him.

Still, your attitude suits your smug as fuck username I suppose - Cabrinha Shock Grin Grin Grin

Original poster
JustBoppinAlong · 03/06/2016 16:53

Common that is exactly how I see it. I also see lack of sexual partners a bonus as it means he's not in it just for a shag.
They also ask what wage he is ok. I have no idea about his income because I would never ask. I know he works and that's good enough for me.
I've had enough idiots in my time so I'm quite chuffed with myself for finding one of the good guys. It's just annoying to have comments frequently about it. It's almost as though some of them are actually hoping it won't work out. But that's just silly!

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBoppinAlong · 03/06/2016 16:55

Somerville is that a bad phrase to use?

I guess what I mean by that is, he is respectful, he's a gentleman, he likes to come across as manly and strong but will happily show his soft side when needed. He's kind and thoughtful. He's not a twat, basically.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 03/06/2016 16:57

Your friends sound really shallow, unless they know something awful about him and don't want to tell you? I'm guessing they are just shallow though.

I hope you have a lovely relationship with him whilst your friends are out looking for footballers or something.

Somerville · 03/06/2016 17:03

There was a very recent long thread on here where various posters explained how much they hate it, so I wondered if that's what your friends had picked up on, that's all.

I wouldn't say it but it's just semantics; it doesn't personally make my teeth itch or throw up a red flag.

Main thing is that he views you and treats you as an equal. If he's a prince and you're a princess then all well and good Smile However if he views himself as an all conquering emperor and you as his princess... not so much.