Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When is cheating an 'affair'

30 replies

petalzzzzz · 03/05/2016 23:59

If two people, one of which is married have an ongoing fuck buddy type relationship (friends, sex, but no feelings/love) is that an affair?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2016 00:00

Why do you ask ?

ImperialBlether · 04/05/2016 00:01

IMO, if they're planning to meet and having secret conversations, it's an affair.

VimFuego101 · 04/05/2016 00:02

Is the married person's spouse ok with it? No, thought not. The married person is having an affair. The single person is not cheating, but it doesn't exactly say much for their moral standards if they'd sleep with someone else's spouse.

MrHannahSnell · 04/05/2016 00:15

Yes.

HeddaGarbled · 04/05/2016 00:19

You can call shit faeces or poo or defecation but it's still shit. Who gives a toss want you call it?

HeddaGarbled · 04/05/2016 00:20

what

LadyReuleaux · 04/05/2016 00:25

I suppose the confusion could arise because an affair is associated with the idea of "a love affair" i.e. an actual extramarital relationship. A fuckbuddy isn't that so maybe it isn't "a love affair" but it is cheating. For whoever's being cheated on, assuming it's not an open relationship or whatever, it's probably irrelevant what you call it really.

Summerlovinf · 04/05/2016 00:35

I would say it's only fair to 'fess up about all your fuck buddies before you tie the knot.

Torchlight86 · 04/05/2016 00:36

I can't see why you would ever need to make the distinction, cheating is cheating whether it's called cheating or an affair or playing away whatever, regardless of what you call it you're still screwing over someone you're suppose to love, for what it's worth I was always under the impression that affair is the way of describing cheating when one or both parties are actually married rather than just in a relationship, regardless of whether it's just sex or romantic or emotional etc x

JAPABimtheonewhoknocks · 04/05/2016 01:33

I can't see why you would ever need to make the distinction

I'm wondering if perhaps some might find it easier to forgive or get past if it was just purely physical.

I would classify any serial cheating with the same person an affair personally. Still an affair even if only done for the thrill or the sex or whathaveyou, rather than to develop and emotional bond with someone.

flumpybear · 04/05/2016 06:27

If the partner doesn't mind the spouse having a FB that's ok, otherwise it's an affair of sorts
Many people have open relationships which works for both parties but I'd be inclined to say it's only right if both are mutually happy for whatever reason

Ilovetoast12 · 04/05/2016 06:48

Yep, it's an affair.

DaveCamoron · 04/05/2016 07:15

Unless the partner is aware then it's an affair, just because you're fuck buddies doesn't make it any less of an affair.

dailymailphequers · 04/05/2016 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntieStella · 04/05/2016 07:19

The person who gets to decide if it's an affair is the non-participating spouse.

Seeyounearertime · 04/05/2016 07:23

There can be an affair with no physical contact.

Becoming emotionally invested with someone else, lying to your partner, deleting messages, hiding phone calls, etc.
The physical act can be just a small part of the "affair" really.

TheNaze73 · 04/05/2016 07:37

I think if the person in the relationship, keeps doing it, then it's an affair. For the person involved, it could be just a fling/FwB arrangement & personally they're not the ones in the wrong, if they're single. Think they're guilty though of having no self respect. Badge it up however you want but, cheating disgusts me, full stop

SlinkyVagabond · 04/05/2016 07:37

Affair is just a "romantic" name for cheating.

Lighteningirll · 04/05/2016 07:52

I kind of get what you are saying. My now dh was unhappily married in an almost sexless marriage for twenty years he spent ten of them having sex with a woman he worked with who was also unhappily married. He vehemently refuses to see this as an affair he sees it as a coping mechanism that allowed him and his then wife to stay married. He wanted to stay in his marriage, to stay with his dc and without the colleague honestly feels he couldn't have. I am not interested in debated whether he was right or wrong but I do think he tried everything to make that marriage work and the colleague was one of those things. The ex wife freely admits she knew but didn't care as it didn't affect her. She has far more venom for me who got together with him after they finally broke up and sees me as the ow because he loves me. Cheating is sleeping with someone else an affair is getting emotionally involved perhaps?

Summerlovinf · 04/05/2016 08:18

Hmm...wonder how 'hard' he will try to make your marriage work.

Lighteningirll · 04/05/2016 08:42

We both work hard at it that is what makes a marriage work, his ex freely admits she took it for granted and didn't work when she had a chance, had many chances and would do it very differently if she could try again. It's not a route I would take but whether you like it or not it is a route unhappy men take. If a man chooses to leave an unhappy marriage it means he doesn't get to live with his dc any more (less so now but certainly true for my dh generation). And shock news women can be at fault they can be violent and easy to their dh whilst being great mothers what does a man do? I wasn't in his position, when I was unhappy I upped and left, taking my dc with me, many, many men do not have that option.

Summerlovinf · 04/05/2016 12:06

If he told you about all this openly before you got married and you feel secure about it all then I'm sure it's fine....I'm wondering what were you posting for in that case?

TheCrumpettyTree · 04/05/2016 12:29

Of course it is. If you're having sex with someone else it's an affair. I assume you're trying to justify it. Hmm

Original poster
petalzzzzz · 04/05/2016 18:08

I'm asking because i'm a friend of the woman (she's the single one) she is fooling herself that what they're doing doesn't count as an affair and is not as bad

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2016 18:09

She is a twat

Swipe left for the next trending thread