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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What if the kiss doesn't sparkle but the sex does?

29 replies

dillydolly88 · 19/04/2016 06:40

Will it work or is there a warning in there? If his kiss, although very pleasant doesn't set your lips on fire, does it mean you're lacking chemistry? I kiss him but something about our lips joining feels flat. It doesn't have that head-tingling feeling I've felt before. But the sex most definately does. The sex is incredible and gives me the deepest feeling of being joined. All other parts of our time together are very pleasant, no red flags. I've had boyfriends in the past with a fabulous satisfying kiss but then the sex wasn't all that, but this is the first time that's been reversed. I'm a bit disappointed if I'm honest. I want to feel the magic in the kiss. What do you think?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/04/2016 06:54

I think you should quit the Mills and Boon habit

Original poster
dillydolly88 · 19/04/2016 07:10

Blimey Any not had a coffee yet this morning? Is was a serious question about my experience and it's true. I just wondered if anyone else has had the same & whether it meant you weren't actually compatible after all.

OP posts:
makeitpink · 19/04/2016 07:13

I have this with my DP he has a disappointingly small mouth but a very pleasingly large..... So kissing isn't that great and he doesn't really enjoy it. But the sex.....oh the sex is fabulous. Been together 6yrs now and it still has me quivering. So the song is wrong it's definitely not always in his kiss!!! Plus maybe you could practice and it will get spicier??

ALaughAMinute · 19/04/2016 07:19

If the kiss isn't right then I don't really get turned on so it would be a huge disappointment to me.

He sounds like he's got lots of pluses though so perhaps you should consider yourself lucky? No one's perfect are they?

Jollyphonics · 19/04/2016 07:19

OP I'm in the exact same situation, a few weeks in to the relationship. I'm working on it, it's getting better, but everything else is so good I'm certainly not going to end the relationship.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2016 07:53

It was a serious reply.

Trills · 19/04/2016 08:03

If you didn't feel like you fancied him when you kissed, how did you end up having sex?

I assume that's what all this overblown "on fire", "head tingling", "magic" rubbish is about - the feeling of fancying him.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/04/2016 08:09

It wouldn't have gone any further for me if the kiss hadn't been 'sparky and tingly.' For me it all stems from the kiss,I couldn't be with someone where there wasn't that.

Branleuse · 19/04/2016 08:11

i dont think it means anything

Branleuse · 19/04/2016 08:11

except that you overthink stuff

ALaughAMinute · 19/04/2016 09:04

i dont think it means anything

How can you say that? Have you never experienced a deep passionate toe curling kiss? Of course it means something!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/04/2016 09:12

I agree, of course it means something and the fact the OP is questioning it suggests she knows it does too IMO.

TheNaze73 · 19/04/2016 09:12

I'm with Anyfucker here.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 19/04/2016 09:17

I also don't think it means anything, not in the context of life-long grown up relationships anyway. I'm not saying that in a derisory way, it perfectly acceptable if it is important for what you're looking for right now, i.e. someone to share tingly liaisons with

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 19/04/2016 09:19

Shit! Posted too soon.

...but if the top of your priority list slightly more tangible traits (like solvent, dependable, shared interests, shared life aspirations), then I agree with Anyfucker.

Branleuse · 19/04/2016 09:23

yes I have, but I dont think its anything to do with compatibility

ALaughAMinute · 19/04/2016 09:36

yes I have, but I dont think its anything to do with compatibility

Really? I guess everyone is different but for me kissing is a very important part of foreplay so if the kiss doesn't do it for me then we're not sexually compatible as far as I'm concerned.

Branleuse · 19/04/2016 09:39

so youd advise someone that they probably werent compatible with their partner because of not being a great kisser, and vice versa??

I think compatibility is more complex than that, and shes already said the sex is actually great

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/04/2016 09:40

Again I agree with ALaugh. Hard for me to separate the two things,unless you don't miss at all during sex I suppose.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/04/2016 09:43

KISS not miss,stupid phone Grin

ALaughAMinute · 19/04/2016 09:44

so youd advise someone that they probably werent compatible with their partner because of not being a great kisser, and vice versa??

No, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that it wouldn't work for me.

Blossomflowers · 19/04/2016 10:15

I am with Any F on this. For god sake you sound like a 13 year old.

BertieBotts · 19/04/2016 10:24

I don't know. I think kissing is too important to me. I wouldn't want to be without it. If you're not fussed about kissing then it's probably worth it.

I do think this kind of thing is important, it's not like there is such a limited supply of men that they are all either dependable but bad kissers or good kissers and a tosser. You have to find the man who is in all the right venn diagrams Grin

Branleuse · 19/04/2016 10:34

I think disney has a lot to answer for.

Maybe your prince charming will awake you from your slumber with a magical sparkly kiss, and you will never be unhappy again!!

fucking hell. A good kiss is great, but it aint a magical fortune teller

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/04/2016 10:36

It doesn't make someone sound like 'a thirteen year old' just because they know what they like and aren't prepared to compromise. It's a valid thing to wonder about and work out whether or not it's important to you. As this thread shows to some people it's hugely important and others not so much.