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Original poster

Photographs. Keep or throw?

57 replies

startingover231 · 17/04/2016 13:55

What do the rest of you do with old photos of ex and kids and photos of you together? To keep it short ex h left me for ow about 18 months ago after 24 years of what I thought was a very happy marriage. At the time I was devastated but time has a habit of being a great healer. I now find myself divorced and starting over. The house is going on the market shortly and I have spent the last few months sorting out hoards of crap collected over 20 years in this house and I have found it very cathartic and cleansing but I am stuck about what to do with old photos, wedding photos, photos of us with the kids etc.... We always took loads of photos and our walls were plastered in them. All the ones of him came down the day after he left me but I still have them all..... What do I do with them? Many are photos of the children that I would cherish if only he wasn't in them! But it doesn't feel right chucking them , should I erase forever the children's record of their childhood?

What have others done? I am genuinely interested as I am sat here surrounded by frames wondering what to do with them?

OP posts:

suspiciousofgoldfish · 17/04/2016 14:09

If you're not ready to chuck them just stick them in a shoe box in the loft or something, that way your DC can look through them in years to come if they want.

My friends exp went though all their pics when they split and cut him out of them, which although probably was cathartic and satisfying for her, seemed a bit to everyone else.

PeppasNanna · 17/04/2016 14:11

From your dc perspective, they might like them?

Could you box up the pictures & store them in the corner of the loft until your dc are old enough to decide if they would like them?

Photographs are always a difficult one.

HoppingForward · 17/04/2016 14:12

I boxed them all up. The DC will want them in the future and you will also have a time when you want to show them.

My mum rented a skip when my dad left (I was in my late teens) I still remember her ripping photos up and throwing picture frames with pictures still in them out of the upstairs window into the skip. I managed to rescue some but not all of them

Balders74 · 17/04/2016 14:13

I'm wandering what to do with my wedding albums now we're divorced. I'm not sure they are something the DC will want but throwing them out makes me a bit sad. Weird seeing as I was the instigator of the split. It does remind me of happier times.

yomellamoHelly · 17/04/2016 14:14

Get them scanned and bin the hard copy.

CheersMedea · 17/04/2016 14:15

Don't throw them away. People who haven't even been born yet - who you will never meet - will cherish those images of their heritage. You children will want photographs of their childhood and happy family times.

Agree with box them up and put them in the loft/out of sight.

megletthesecond · 17/04/2016 14:16

I've kept them. He was a nightmare but he is their father (although they don't see him) so I couldn't just erase all traces of him.

Original poster

startingover231 · 17/04/2016 14:17

Yes the wedding album is another one! Mine contains photos of relations and friends who are no longer with us, it feels so wrong to just ditch it! We had a second album that we 'inherited' when his parents died... I boxed that up with his stuff and sent it to him! Wonder what his new woman thought of that ? 😉

OP posts:

HoppingForward · 17/04/2016 14:19

I gave him back his family pictures. I included some of just him and the DC when they were young, just a little reminder of the family life he threw away. No doubt he has probably binned them though.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 17/04/2016 14:26

I am glad my mum didn't get rid of photos of my dad. He died over a decade ago and while he hurt us both I am glad that I do have photos of him from the younger years and some of him and me.

Friendlystories · 17/04/2016 14:33

My dad left before I was born (OW) and DM got rid of every photo of him which I understand from her perspective but, since he chose not to remain in mine and DB's life, means I don't even know what he looked like. Please don't throw them away, by all means put them where you don't have to look at them but your DC and future generations will want them in years to come. Even when relationships have soured (I feel nothing but disgust and disappointment for my 'real' father) people still want to be able to see photographs of their past and family history.

howmanyairmiles · 17/04/2016 14:33

A friend of mine is fab with photoshop, so any photos worth keeping she would airbrush the offending person out of the photo and re-print for me.

Some people need eradicating in print as well as in person

SoleBizzz · 17/04/2016 14:44

Keep them. You must.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/04/2016 14:52

You keep for your children and grandchildren.

But box them and store them somewhere out of the way. Then put them out of your mind. The pain will numb as time moves on and there will be a time again to share them again.

Strangely I kept all my love letters from previous relationships in my 20's and 30's with memorabilia from my time but with the ex I gave him back all the ones he wrote me and a lot of photos of just him and me. They all felt a bit fake when I discovered my relationship was based on such pathetic foundations.

Arfarfanarf · 17/04/2016 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

startingover231 · 17/04/2016 15:19

Interestingly Wally I too kept photos and memorabilia of past relationships, the positive side of that being when I looked wistfully at photos of my first love from school, on a whim I looked him up on social media, turned out he now lived 20miles from me (despite us being at school together at the other end of the country) , we met for a drink and have been together ever since!!!!

But I see the majority think I should box up and keep, which is what I was leaning towards , I just thought perhaps it was a bit weird....
Thanks 😀

OP posts:

bitchingtwitching · 17/04/2016 16:28

I have boxed all mine up for dc's. I only have 2 photos of my own dad so I wouldn't throw away. I don't want to look at them though.

bitchingtwitching · 17/04/2016 16:29

OP, after ending my marriage, I have also got together with my first love from school! I had often thought about him over the years, never imagined we would end up living together!

BibbidiBobbidiBoo1 · 17/04/2016 16:33

I'm keeping mine for my dd - although she is only 3. I threw away some less important ones which was satisfying to start with, but I want her to be able to see there were times we were all happy and she had a 'family' at one point.

Because she's young they've gone in a memory type box, I don't have to look at it all the time but know they are safe and there for when the time comes.

hurtandconfued2016 · 17/04/2016 16:45

My ex has got rid of every photo of me and the kids he had. I have kept them all though because at the time we were happy and resulted in my 2 little ones. Also means when they are older I can show them.
I imagine he got rid of them because of the ow..

IronNeonClasp · 17/04/2016 17:57

Agree with another poster above. Scan them, upload them to an online image bank. Make a note of password for DC. It's a lot of work but worth it IMO. Then you can bin them....

Chloecoconut · 17/04/2016 18:04

I have kept some of my exH and the kids for the kids. Just to show them that yes, he did care about them once.

Itinerary · 17/04/2016 18:29

Get them scanned and then forget about them until you choose to pass them on. Real photos can deteriorate and they take up more space.

jayho · 17/04/2016 19:12

Touched a nerve, I was tidying up the shed last week, found my one and only wedding photo in a drawer. I'd kept it because I thought the kids might like to have a pic of mum and dad looking happy somewhere.

Then I remembered he's a cunt and put it in a public bis so i couldn't change my mind

jayho · 17/04/2016 19:12

bin

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