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Original poster

Photographs. Keep or throw?

57 replies

startingover231 · 17/04/2016 13:55

What do the rest of you do with old photos of ex and kids and photos of you together? To keep it short ex h left me for ow about 18 months ago after 24 years of what I thought was a very happy marriage. At the time I was devastated but time has a habit of being a great healer. I now find myself divorced and starting over. The house is going on the market shortly and I have spent the last few months sorting out hoards of crap collected over 20 years in this house and I have found it very cathartic and cleansing but I am stuck about what to do with old photos, wedding photos, photos of us with the kids etc.... We always took loads of photos and our walls were plastered in them. All the ones of him came down the day after he left me but I still have them all..... What do I do with them? Many are photos of the children that I would cherish if only he wasn't in them! But it doesn't feel right chucking them , should I erase forever the children's record of their childhood?

What have others done? I am genuinely interested as I am sat here surrounded by frames wondering what to do with them?

OP posts:

BG2015 · 17/04/2016 19:24

Put them in a box then give them to a relative or put them in the loft. I've got photos from my marriage of 8 yrs and my ex relationship of 6 yrs with our 4 kids on them. It's part of our/ my history and the kids have changed so much over those years.

It's history.

Friendlystories · 17/04/2016 19:32

I understand why my DM binned all the photos of my dad but I so wish she hadn't. I would never have expected her to want to look at them and I have no desire to meet him or cultivate any sort of relationship with him (he is also a cunt jayho!) but I would have liked to know what he looked like and get some idea of the dynamic/relationship between him and my DM from the photos. It makes me sad I will never have that chance.

cupcakesandwine · 17/04/2016 19:42

I kept some of mine boxed up for a couple of years. Found them recently, (wedding pics, us as a couple, etc) and really couldn't see why I had bothered so I binned the lot and immediately felt lighter :).

jayho · 17/04/2016 19:44

There are pics on a memory stick if my boys are interested btw, would not re-write their history and they do need to know their parents did like each other and had a shared happiness about them, I just don;t
have it in my face

Heatherjayne1972 · 17/04/2016 19:55

I kept mine. To show the kids that we were happy once They're in the loft- I don't want to see them

Friendlystories · 17/04/2016 20:02

That's the best of both worlds jayho, no memory sticks 40 years ago unfortunately and I just don't think she could bear keeping the physical photos, even in a box somewhere. As I said I do understand, it was an incredibly painful break up for her, it just makes me sad I don't know what the man who helped create me looked like, but then I guess that's mostly his fault for not sticking around!

Liltzero · 17/04/2016 20:02

Wedding album is in the back of the cupboard. Regular photo albums remain unchanged except for the photos which feature the OW (with whom we used to regularly holiday with as part of a group of friends and their children) which have been removed and ceremoniously chopped up!

Wedding greeting cards were burnt on the BBQ. Still remember the neighbours fearing a gun shot when one of them which played a tune blew up!!

MrTCakes · 17/04/2016 20:03

I have put mine away in a box for DS when is older.
Maybe you could take new photos to put in the frames? That's what I did.

BG2015 · 17/04/2016 20:04

I've still got my engagement and wedding ring. Married in 1997 so they are old fashioned gold, not white gold or platinumthey are sat in a drawer doing nothing. I took them to a jewellers to be sold but he said he'd only give me about £60 for them as a pair, the 2 diamonds aren't worth much.

Someone suggested making them into another piece of jewellery, but don't fancy that.

I've been divorced since 2008! Seems so sad to get rid, but pointless to keep them

1DAD2KIDS · 17/04/2016 20:20

My ex wife walked out on me and the kids. The photos are hard reminders. But personally I have kept all ours including the wedding photos. They are part of my history and one day the kids will want to see them. The world is not black and white. I just didn't feel comfortable erasing that part of my life and sanitising my past. But of course it's a individual thing.

1DAD2KIDS · 17/04/2016 20:23

I will add those pictures are off the walls and up in loft. Digital copies in a folder out of the way on the hard drive. Me and the kids are making lots of happy new ones

jeavcike · 17/04/2016 20:38

By all means scan them and store them online or on a USB but don't chuck out the original hard copies.

Digital data is so fragile and also degrades over time after it has been saved/uploaded/downloaded etc. Also, technology changes. Who's to say that in ten years' time your dc will have the equipment to open and view jpg files from a USB stick or whether the online storage company will still be in business?

In your position I would put them into a box or album and store them. As others have already said, your dc and future generations will be glad you didn't chuck them out. Printed photos are a tangible link to the past, to your history. Memories fade and change and are lost when people pass way but printed photos are there almost forever, barring a catastrophe such as a fire or flood.

My mum & dad divorced when I was 4. They split their albums up and as we grew up they'd show their photos, tell us their side of the tale and talk to us about the things they remembered and enjoyed the most. I have some of those photos now and show them to my dc. They're kept in a drawer in the bedroom and don't take up that much space.

TrixieBernadette · 17/04/2016 20:38

My wedding album and honeymoon album are in the loft. I think it's important for my children to see that they were conceived and born into love even if it didn't last bloody long

There are a few appearances in baby photos too, but very few as we split up when both kids were under 3. They're kept for the kids as well.

There is nothing in my every day life for them though - and when they are grown up if they don't want the photos I will throw them away.

TrixieBernadette · 17/04/2016 20:41

My wedding ring went to the pawn shop.

My engagement ring was a family one (his) so it's been kept for the kids at his request. Suprised he didn't ask for it back for engagement number two ;-)

jeavcike · 17/04/2016 20:49

My sister has my mum's wedding ring from my dad. I had her engagement ring but unfortunately it got stolen.

Buddahbelly · 18/04/2016 07:36

Speaking as the child of parents who split I would really love to see pictures of them together so id suggest as others have said storing them in the loft.

I have only 1 pictures of my parents from when they were dating, no wedding pics, nothing else just 1 picture. Id love to be able to show ds his nan and grandad together or even see for myself.

Especially as your ds are in most of them, id definitely keep them for their sakes if not your own.

BertieBotts · 18/04/2016 07:42

Don't throw them away. I have an album of pictures of myself with my dad when I was a baby and I'm glad of them.

All of mine of XP and DS are digital so I've just put them into a separate folder to avoid him staring me in the face every time I look at DS' baby photos.

DramaInPyjamas · 18/04/2016 08:05

I haven't even got around to sorting out the photos yet (split 7months ago and in the middle of a house move)
But have came across the box of love letters and Valentine/birthday/anniversary cards/trinkets
What did everyone do with those type of things ?
I managed to rip up a few of the cards, it felt cathartic, yet I regretted it and felt bad afterwards

DramaInPyjamas · 18/04/2016 08:07

When he left I packed up the letters and cards etc that I'd given him over the years and handed them over to him to sort himself
He is living with someone else now so I guess they have been gotten rid of

1DAD2KIDS · 18/04/2016 08:42

I still have a box of all the letters we sent each other from all times I was away in Afghanistan spanning 4 years. They show a history of our time together. The first one's was when I first went, we had been dating 3 weeks. The second time I was a way we were planning a wedding. The third time I had just got news she was pregnant with our first child a couple of weeks after I got out there. The four set talk alot about how our little girls is doing, how she is growing and how much is miss my baby girl. I think they're a important part of our family history. Although there is also some pretty x rated stuff in some of them that I may need to sensor before anyone looks through them.

RedToothBrush · 18/04/2016 09:08

Its not just YOUR history. Its your FAMILY'S history.

For this reason you should hold on to them.

Original poster

startingover231 · 18/04/2016 11:41

Thank you for your comments, I'm afraid I didn't keep love letters,cards etc. They were ceremoniously burnt when I was hurting the most! I've always been a hoarder and the enforced selling and moving has made me sort and chuck, which is why I came across this dilemma in the first place! But you're right it is important for the children in the future to see a record of a time when we were happy together and as a family , mainly because they're so mad at their dad at the moment, my middle daughter described her 'perfect' childhood to her friend the other day, and said how difficult it was to get her head around what her dad did because she never once (like me and the whole world! ) thought he was unhappy or capable of being a cheat and that she felt her whole childhood had been a lie, so it will be good in the future to remind her that her happy childhood wasn't a myth she dreamt up, that once upon a time it really did exist.......

OP posts:

TeamEponine · 18/04/2016 15:14

Please keep all the photos, even if you just put them in a box in the loft.

When my parents split up my Mum kept everything, and when I was pregnant she gave me all the photos of when I was small, up until my parents split. It meant so much to me, and I've often looked at pictures of me and my DD at the same ages.

In total contrast, when DH's parents divorced, his mother threw away everything as she found it too painful. She later found some photos tucked away in a book which we now have, but it means we literally have four photos of my DH under the age of 15. Now that we have a child he finds it very difficult to forgive his mum for being (what he sees as) being selfish and getting rid of all evidence of his childhood.

sassymuffin · 18/04/2016 15:15

I had a horrific divorce and exH has not ever paid a penny child support. He hasn't never our two children for over 8 years. We think he may of died last year but not sure as he has no contact with any family member.

I have kept my wedding album in the loft and every few years DS has a quick look at it as he cant remember what his biological father looks like.

sassymuffin · 18/04/2016 15:16

*seen not "never"

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