Instinct?

[TheAfterDark]

Hi,

I'm looking for some help and advice as I genuinely don't know whether I am being overly paranoid or what, or if you should trust your instinct.

Ok. So situation involves new (6months) relationship. Met online, he has no dc, I have dd(8) and ds(6).
All fine and going well, talking about moving in together and having a future together.

Now for some reason something has triggered something in me which has made me bring up lots of past things, which I have previously disregarded and I'm not sure what to do about it.

The thing which made me suddenly look at everything was when, during a conversation I believe about a friend's relationship and her boyfriend's bizarre fetish (unrelated to this), I said something along the lines of 'well at least he doesn't have a thing for 12 year old girls' at which point he made a sexually appreciative groan... Which is when I suddenly got this paranoid feeling.

I don't know if I'm being completely OTT now, but have now had the past things going through my head, and have had serious heart palpitations the past 24 hours, worrying about it.

Incidents I have been now worrying about:

• first (and only) time I saw him with his nieces, I could hardly watch as he bounced them on his knee
• he (until I spoke to my daughter about it) was inclined to kiss dd on the lips to say goodnight
• told me he has been on 'the dark web'.. Please tell me otherwise but for me that is somewhere for paedophiles to access child pornography?

There are a few other things, like being so chuffed when my daughter wanted to hold his hand, but I can't work out what I'm thinking. Yesterday I provocatively said (in response to him saying about having sex in my mum's bed - I could have said, 'I'm not 19, but instead said 'I'm not 12'... And he kept repeating 'no, you're not.. No you're not..'

Please tell me if this sounds ridiculous and I'm over analysing things or if it sounds like I should trust this feeling which I have..

Thanks in advance. I might not be able to read any replies now until later this evening, but will get online when I can.

I don't think you should ignore your instinct, I really don't.

It maybe his warped sense of humour but I would be battening down the hatches and distancing myself from this man.

6 months isn't a longterm relationship, and to be considering moving him in is way too early, in my view.

As for the rest... I wonder if part of his attraction to you, is your 8yo daughter ?

Again, agree. Not the same at all, but I remember having a flash of instinct like that with a man I was dating who later came out as gay (obviously v v different I want to make clear). The moment of instinct wasn't easy to explain at all but in retrospect like lots of little pieces of a jigsaw puzzle falling into place. As others say instinct is there for a reason. Even if you aren't quite right you'll be picking up on some dalse note here.

Dalse =false bloody iPhone