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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what is wrong with some people!?

59 replies

prioritisingfootball · 04/03/2016 22:59

NC as don't want to our myself and I've told a few RL friends.

Been OLD for a few months. Met a bloke, been out on a few dates. Had so much in common. Really enjoyed his company. Invited him to my house for dinner a few times. Stayed over at his. Everything seemed to be going fine. One of our few differences is my love of football. He's not interested in the slightest.

So this evening my team were on TV. When he'd text earlier I explained that my plan for tonight was to watch the match. He text me while the game was on. I didn't reply. At the end of the match I picked up my phone to be met with 3 text messages: the initial text, a snotty follow up due to my lack of response and then one that just said 'Meh!'.

I replied saying I couldn't understand the need for the shirty texts as he knew I had plans. He told me to 'fuck off' because 'football isn't that fucking important!'

I don't know whether I'm shocked, pissed off, or if the whole situation is just really really funny! Maybe a mixture of all 3! I've told him to cracking on and enjoy his life.

Not really looking for any advice. Just thought I'd share my lucky escape!

OP posts:

DraenorQueen · 04/03/2016 23:04

What a very interesting post.

I'm sure it will provoke much discussion relating to the different standards expected of men and women in a relationship.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 04/03/2016 23:14

I don't know about this. Are you normally so into a football match that you won't look at your phone for 90 mins + half time + possible post match coverage etc
Personally I'm very into rugby but still message people if I want to.

Perhaps he felt that you had ample opportunity to read and reply but chose not to, which he may have felt was rude.
It's not as though you were in a cinema for 3 hrs and not able to get your phone out.

Anyway he was a bit dickish to message you back like that!

Slowdecrease · 04/03/2016 23:16

My ex was football mad. When my mum was in the hospice dying I text him asking to come and sit with me there...he replied that he could for an hour but then football was on. That's why he's an ex. Mum died the next day with him never going to see her, we'd been together 4 years at the time. Football to some is massive,, to others not so much, definitely choisie someone who shares your passion next time.

hownottofuckup · 04/03/2016 23:17

Have had wine, Draenor's post therefore seems awesome stepping away from vin

Bin him.

PurpleDaisies · 04/03/2016 23:20

I agree with dontbuyanewmumcashmere- unless you were watching with friends I don't see why you couldn't have replied. He shouldn't have been arsy with you and it seems rather dramatic if things had been going well up to this point. Presumably you've had other issues you haven't mentioned?

LuciLevi123 · 04/03/2016 23:20

I'm bad at not looking at my phone during games incase someone txts me the score or comments on what is happening. I sometimes end up watching games from the start a few mins late . And yea I go to football games too , and when I'm in the stadium I don't txt till I'm out . If you told your bf you were busy .. He should get that. Just like if my bf said he was busy I wouldn't expect him to txt me while he was . Defo wouldn't tell him to fuck off for txting !

LuciLevi123 · 04/03/2016 23:24

And besides what rule is there that we need to txt back within mins. I usually have to wait an hour + sometimes for a reply from my dp and I have got used to that. And Ive let go the need to txt anyone straight back . A football game is only 90 mins lol.. Defo not long .

LuciLevi123 · 04/03/2016 23:27

What's RL short for anyway op? Haha and I married a guy you thought football was for the uneducated / thugs / etc. Haha I'm now divorced . Defo need a man that at least doesn't mind you talking about football if your crazy about it .

Joysmum · 04/03/2016 23:29

God there's some fuckwits on here.

You said you'd be otherwise engaged and he sent you 3 texts within a 90mins game that he knew you'd be watching.

FFS why shouldn't you have 90 mins away from your phone! I feel sorry for the sad saps who don't think this is possible or desirable

IamaBluebird · 04/03/2016 23:31

Are you a happy Boro or not so happy Wolves supporter Op.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 04/03/2016 23:32

Why can't OP switch off and enjoy the game? Footballs not my thing either but DP needs down time and an uninterrupted game!

Good for you for putting your me time first!! He's an arse

donajimena · 04/03/2016 23:35

I am a bluebird bluebird

tanukiton · 04/03/2016 23:35

WOW i live in some parallel universe where texts are just... texts to be answered at leisure. Phone calls are to be responded to if your available.

I am the only one that leaves their phone in a different room/ bottom of the bag? It was 90mins that the op didn t respond!!!! 90mins!!! I can get a text from my husband in the morning and not have responded by the time he gets in in the evening!!!

ElderlyKoreanLady · 04/03/2016 23:38

I'm with you OP. I hate football but I don't look at my phone at all when I'm watching The Walking Dead. There's no rule saying texts need to be responded to immediately and that you're not allowed to enjoy a couple of hours doing something you like away from your phone. If it was urgent, he should have called. And I'd tell a bloke to crack on too if he got shirty because I wasn't jumping to text back on his timescale.

BackforGood · 04/03/2016 23:39

I was going to say the same as tanukiton
The football is a complete red herring here - I'm commonly not in the same room as my phone.... maybe I'm not wearing anything with a pocket big enough, or maybe I put it on to charge, or maybe I'm with other people and paying attention to them, not being interrupted by my phone constantly.
It's not about how important football is or isn't, it's the concept that you have to reply to a text within some kind of time frame that's odd to me.

Melbournemel · 04/03/2016 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandinmytoes · 04/03/2016 23:42

I had one incident like that with my H, very early on in the relationship. I wish to God I had just ended it there and then. Would have missed out on years of abuse and headache.

IamaBluebird · 04/03/2016 23:43

Let's hope for a win tomorrow donajimena. Nice to see another Bluebird here.

PurpleDaisies · 04/03/2016 23:44

My first post doesn't read at all like it did in my head! I wasn't trying to say at all that the op was obligated to reply to the texts. I was thinking about my own experience of texting my sister throughout the rugby and really enjoying both so I don't think it's impossible to reply to a text when you're watching something on tv.

He absolutely shouldn't have been off about not getting a reply. It does seem like a huge overreaction and I was wondering if this is the only incident in an otherwise happy relationship. I'm guessing ot isn't.

PurpleDaisies · 04/03/2016 23:45

Huge overreaction on his part that should say.

springydaffs · 04/03/2016 23:50

Wimbledon is my thing and, no, I wouldn't look at my phone during a match unless it is a tense match and I can't cope with the tension and have to distract myself

90 minutes? Mind, the 'meh' didn't sounds too hostile to me. 'crack on' did sound VERY hostile. But HWBU to text you during the match in the first place.

That's that sorted then.

MinnieF1 · 04/03/2016 23:51

He's ridiculous! You are entitled to have a few hours to yourself where you don't look at your phone whatsoever (especially as you'd forewarned him).

2 hours is really not a long time to go without contact! Lucky escape.

LovePGtipsMonkey · 05/03/2016 00:36

springy, he told her to F off in text and that f-ing football isn't important - not hostile? you must have missed that!

He obviously is controlling and then some! what he meant was 'football not important but I AM, so jump to it, you are not allowed to enjoy yourself doing something by yourself'.

SoThatHappened · 05/03/2016 01:31

When my mum was in the hospice dying I text him asking to come and sit with me there...he replied that he could for an hour but then football was on. That's why he's an ex.

My ex was like this. The whole fucking world could collapse around him but he'd prioritise football.

I will never date a football fan again.

SoThatHappened · 05/03/2016 01:37

Quite

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