Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what is wrong with some people!?

59 replies

prioritisingfootball · 04/03/2016 22:59

NC as don't want to our myself and I've told a few RL friends.

Been OLD for a few months. Met a bloke, been out on a few dates. Had so much in common. Really enjoyed his company. Invited him to my house for dinner a few times. Stayed over at his. Everything seemed to be going fine. One of our few differences is my love of football. He's not interested in the slightest.

So this evening my team were on TV. When he'd text earlier I explained that my plan for tonight was to watch the match. He text me while the game was on. I didn't reply. At the end of the match I picked up my phone to be met with 3 text messages: the initial text, a snotty follow up due to my lack of response and then one that just said 'Meh!'.

I replied saying I couldn't understand the need for the shirty texts as he knew I had plans. He told me to 'fuck off' because 'football isn't that fucking important!' ShockGrin

I don't know whether I'm shocked, pissed off, or if the whole situation is just really really funny! Maybe a mixture of all 3! I've told him to cracking on and enjoy his life.

Not really looking for any advice. Just thought I'd share my lucky escape! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
prioritisingfootball · 05/03/2016 01:58

I've not managed to read all the replies yet and I'm off to sleep now. I'll get back to you in the morning, but bluebird TOP OF THE LEAGUE! Grin

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 05/03/2016 02:03

Wow what a knob. We are not slaves to our technology people! Texts are not summonses

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 05/03/2016 02:05

A telephone ringing is an invitation not a command to answer. A message does not require an immediate response from the recipient.

Shesinfashion · 05/03/2016 02:12

Leave him. And I hate football.

Bogeyface · 05/03/2016 02:19

Anyone who gets snotty because I dont reply to a text in their required time frame is dropped.

Cant be arsed with it.

You are telling/asking me something. When I respond is up to me to decide, not anyone else!

Bogeyface · 05/03/2016 02:19

And I too hate football!

IPityThePontipines · 05/03/2016 02:22

What on earth is this nonsense about people expecting replies within minutes to texts?!

If I want to speak to someone urgently...i phone them and actually speak to them.

If I text someone, they'll get back to me whenever they want to. It's very simple.

OP, you told him you wouldn't be available and he couldn't respect that and got arsey, you are better off without him.

P.S it's great to read about someone liking football on here, there's not enough football on MN Grin

Bogeyface · 05/03/2016 02:36

Luckily H is the same as me.

I got a text of him the other day just saying "Hello...??" and it turned out that he had sent me a text 4 hours earlier and suspected his phone wasnt sending them. He was right, they werent. But that wasnt a "WHY HAVENT YOU REPLIED??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" text, but a "Oh bugger, phones on its arse again" text.

If he had sent me a text and then followed up within minutes with "Hello....?" I would have sent something suitably passive aggressive back!

Bogeyface · 05/03/2016 02:38

Also, we have a "thing" in our family, including parents and siblings, that if you need a reply ASAP then you put "URGENT" in capitals at the start. Works for us.

Out2pasture · 05/03/2016 03:14

a man who doesn't respect your interests is not a man you want in your life. first it's football, then it's your cooking and wardrobe, next thing you know it's your friends.

a big red flag to issues down the line.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 05/03/2016 07:36

Joysmum fuckwits and sad saps?
Nice.

OTheHugeManatee · 05/03/2016 07:43

The football is irrelevant. This person demands a text response within a 90-minute window or they get the hump. That's insanely needy. FFS if it's urgent you ring someone and speak to them! Otherwise there could be bad reception, you could be doing something else, busy outside, all kinds of things. I'd hate to have a partner who was so insecure they demanded constant text message access to me with instant responses on pain of tantrum. That way lies a miserable, controlling relationship.

TokenGinger · 05/03/2016 07:45

What a nob. Yeh, a reply straight away is lovely if you're having a conversation or whatever, but that's not something you do constantly.

A guy I've been seeing, I could text him in the morning and not get a response until evening time. People don't have to be tied to their phones. I'd certainly never send a sarcastic Meh because of it. And especially as you'd already told him you were watching football. The fact is, there doesn't even need to be an excuse. You could have the phone next you, just reading a book, see his bar pop up and not reply. That's your right!

SoupDragon · 05/03/2016 07:52

I'm sure it will provoke much discussion relating to the different standards expected of men and women in a relationship.

Why? It has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with not being a needy twat (the date, not the OP). I would say the same had the genders been reversed.

Personally, had I been the OP I would have responded during a dull bit but had I been the date, I wouldn't have been a twat, I would have assumed the OP was simply too busy to respond.

Anniegetyourgun · 05/03/2016 08:01

Good thing this guy isn't dating me. I haven't even switched my phone on this week. OK, this isn't quite the way most people do things these days. However...

It was an hour and a half. You could have dozed off in that time. You could have stopped by at a neighbour's for a chat. You could have had a plumbing emergency which you were busy sorting. He already knew you'd be closeted with a programme you wanted to watch so were unlikely to pay attention to the phone. Given the nature of the texts it clearly wasn't any kind of emergency at his end. What kind of adult needs to be in touch so badly that an hour and a half of not replying sends them into some kind of virtual tantrum? One you don't want to be making a future with, is my first thought.

Anyway, the title of the thread suggests you are fully aware it's his problem rather than yours, so that's all right.

Zaphodsotherhead · 05/03/2016 09:41

So he knew you'd be busy, you told him you'd be busy, but he texted and wanted you to reply immediately? DESPITE BEING TOLD YOU'D BE BUSY?? Agree with PP, it wouldn't matter if it was football, a get together with friends, shampooing the carpet or pumicing your feet. You said you were busy but he wanted replies.

Lucky escape for you, I'd say - and I hate football.

Hissy · 05/03/2016 10:10

And this is in the "still trying to impress her" phase of the relationship supposedly...

It actually doesn't matter if you were watching a game, or watching paint dry (although sadly sometimes it can be hard to tell if your teams on a shite spell) you had plans.

If you had a friend over for a natter, would he have interrupted? What if you were in the phone to a mate?

He thinks his needs for feather smoothing and ego massaging trump your personal needs/space. A matter of weeks in and he's telling you that you don't matter.

Bin him.

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 05/03/2016 10:13

So he basically did a test to see if he could get attention off you when you told him you were busy. He sounds boring. I would look on it as a lucky escape from a sulking manchild

I don't do football but when the rugby is on and Wales are playing, it generally has my full attention!

pictish · 05/03/2016 10:15

Definitely a lucky escape OP! That was very overbearing and self-centred of him indeed.

pinkyredrose · 05/03/2016 10:26

He sounds awful OP, he must be rather emotionally stunted to react like that when he knows you're busy. It smacks of "me, me, me, notice me, now!" . I'd bin him.

pictish · 05/03/2016 10:34

He was letting you know that his expectation was that you would remain at his disposal no matter what. Nothing especially wrong in him texting you during the game...it's what followed that paints the picture.
That 'meh' would have made my skin prickle with annoyance. If that's how he operates he'd have no place in my life either.

temporarilyjerry · 05/03/2016 10:55

I agree, pictish
This is nothing to do with football.
It's a good job he's not in a relationship with me. My phone could be in my coat pocket, switched off or in my desk at work.

RudeElf · 05/03/2016 11:04

Are you normally so into a football match that you won't look at your phone for 90 mins + half time + possible post match coverage etc
Personally I'm very into rugby but still message people if I want to.

Umm, are people really expected to A)check their phone as soon as they arent doing they thing they said and B) respond to texts as soon as they see them? Really?

I have a phone for my convenience. Not so other people can demand my presence when it suits them.

Original poster
prioritisingfootball · 05/03/2016 11:05

I'm glad so many of you agree with me. It was definitely the 'you must reply to me IMMEDIATELY' thing rather than the lack of interest in football that got me riled. Telling me to fuck off was way out of line.

This morning I woke up to 2 'apologetic' messages. They weren't really apologising, he said he was drunk. ALARM BELLS. If having a drink makes him behave like this in the 'honeymoon' period, imagine what he'd be like in a few months!

Good riddance!

OP posts:
pictish · 05/03/2016 11:24

Good riddance indeed. What did you say in response to the apology?