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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is he playing at? I'm confused

33 replies

Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 10:55

Iv posted quiet a lot about my recent breakup 7 weeks in

I contacted him last Saturday as I have lots of stuff in his garage and house that I needed to collect.

I sent him a message just to say it's painful that were not speaking after everything we have been through I was unaware he didint love me any more and I just can't switch my feelings off and I respect his decision .... I asked if we could meet to talk to clear the air so I could have some closure and let go of him and to collect my things.

He replied yes I just needed sometime with no contact I was angry with you and still am but that will pass.

I just replied thanks can you let me know when.

I haven't heard anything back I won't text again but I love him and want us to be together but in the same instance if this isn't going to happen I need to just get this over with as I cant let fully go of him at the moment

Just looking for some advice Confused

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 11:12

One more email/text:

I will come at XX time on XX day to collect my possessions. Please arrange for me to have necessary access.

If he does not respond or makes it difficult for you then he is a pillock, trying to keep you dangling, making some point. At which point you contact the police and ask them to accompany you to collect your belongings.

As for the emotions... well, he has made his decision and your head is just going to have to tell your heart to get over it Flowers

Good luck.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 11:21

He's a very quiet man and I really wouldn't need to get the police involved... I guess I was kinda hoping he was changing his mind as he said it when we had first split up as it was quiet messy.

There was no cheating involved I ended it as I thought he didn't want to be with me any more he'd had a lot of problems with his work and one of his daughters and just felt like he wasn't interested in us anymore and I guess I'd become way you shouldn't ( needy)

One of the reasons why I wanted to meet up and talk just to see if there was any chance for us

Maybe I'm deluding myself Confused

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 02/03/2016 11:35

If you ended it, why do you want to see if you can get back together?

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/03/2016 11:38

Stop messing him about! You ended it, just get your stuff and leave the poor bloke alone. He owes you nothing apart from your belongings. Certainly not 'closure' over your decision.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 11:42

it wasn't what I wanted deep down. It was a moment of madness and regretted it But something needed to change we were stuck in a rut.

I did not handle it well at all and only now looking back I see.

I should of maybe suggested we both had some space... I have apologised for the way I behaved and handle the situation and he does know I do love him and do not want this. But il respect he doesn't want this anymore

if he doesn't love me I was right to feel the way I did ? You can just stop loving someone it's a process ?

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 11:42

Ah! That changes it a lot. He probably has every right to be angry with you. Go get your stuff and leave him to his life.

This would seem to be one of those occasions that the phrase "You have made your bed, now you must lie in it" is appropriate.

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/03/2016 11:45

^ can't put it better than ourblanche.

Gazelda · 02/03/2016 11:46

To be honest, I think you are playing as much as he is.

Maybe you could be honest and clear about why you want to meet up. Then leave him to make his decision as to whether he wants to see if the relationship can be rekindled.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 12:24

I'm not playing any games at all .... Just made a rash decision in which I regret... I am been total honest here.... I just wanted to give us some time apart to see how we felt after it had all calmed down.... I did it to try and protect my self as I was hurting the way our relationship was and i was trying to talking to him about it for the last couple of months and he wouldn't ....it didn't stop me loving him or wanting him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 12:25

I just didn't handle it well

OP posts:
ricketytickety · 02/03/2016 12:29

You need to respect his wishes now and leave him be. You can't force him to talk to you. It will only happen if and when he wants to. Give him space.

Gazelda · 02/03/2016 12:33

You ended the relationship but didn't really want to. You asked him to meet up to clear the air, but what you really meant was that you wanted to try to rekindle the relationship.
From his perspective, I'd call that playing.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 12:35

Yes I will do, I know it has to be his descision..... X

OP posts:
Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 13:04

Maybe everyone has there own definition of playing ? As you put it ! That's doesn't come under my definition of wanting to meet up with someone that you've been with for two years With plans to move in and marriage and a pregnancy.

I just wanted to know if there is any chance for us and if not then I have to respect his wishes and which I will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 13:09

What do you suggest I text him and say when we meet up I want to see if we can work things out.

I'm confused the one thing I didint want to do was to push him further away and if he's angry with me sending him that will just push him further away ?

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 13:43

From your perspective you acted rashly because you were upset/confused. You say he has said he was angry with you so his understanding of your actions does not match yours - he may well feel you were trying to force some hazily defined decision from him at a time he was stressed with those other issues. You have, at the very least, changed his opinion of you, given him a different picture of your intentions.

But I would leave it for a few days, let him think himself calm again. Especially as, from an outside perspective, your last message was quite accusatory, wheedling and self contradictory. You may have wanted to open up a discussion but the message, as given in your OP, would probably have been read very differently, far less pleasantly.

All you can do is send a plainly worded text: I am sorry I have made such a mess of this. Can we meet somewhere and talk this through?

But be prepared to be ignored, told no! You might have really painted a less than flattering picture of yourself.

Do you think that might be the case? Do you have real life support to get yourself through this?

Summerlovinf · 02/03/2016 13:46

Be honest with yourself....is it that you want him to want you, rather than wanting to get back with him?

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 14:02

In all honestly I miss us or plans we had so much in common did so many things together I feel like Iv not only lost him but a close friend....even after 2 years I was still so excited to see him every time.

I will get through it if he doesn't want to be with me I'm pretty strong in that way It will take time

I just don't know how best to go about anything as Iv made so much of a mess as you say

Xx

OP posts:
Summerlovinf · 02/03/2016 14:08

You finished it because you thought he wasn't interested any more and, given that he's not keen to meet up, perhaps you were right. It will take time but you've made a brave decision to end it based on you not getting what you need/want out of the relationship. Try to be nice to yourself and spend time with other friends.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 14:31

Knowing him he's such a stubborn man he's known for it .... With his family ...i wanted to talk face to face as then I'd reply know

I guess I just have to be patient as at some point we will have to meet up

OP posts:
FarinaHuevos · 02/03/2016 15:44

I got to the last couple of posts of this thread thinking this was some bloke you'd been seeing for a couple of months, not a serious 2 years relationship! Even if he did want to consider getting back together, communication between the two of you appears to be a major problem that would need to be worked on. That's if you've told us everything that was relevant to the break up and you're not holding something back.

A big problem here is that even though it's not your intention, your behaviour is coming across as game playing.
Sitting back and being 'patient' isn't the answer here. Your still playing games if you do that. Your life is in limbo while you're hanging on. Be honest with him about what you want and see what his reaction is.

FarinaHuevos · 02/03/2016 15:53

It's times like this I wish that MN had the facility to edit our own posts.

I've just looked at some of your other threads OP and I see that there has been a bit of drip feeding here on this one. You said elsewhere that you've been 'begging him' to take you back. What was his reaction to that?I think it's safe to assume he doesn't want you back if you've had to 'beg' him and he still doesn't want to be with you.
Also you said you'd deleted him and blocked him. How did you get in contact with him this time?

Costacoffeeplease · 02/03/2016 16:49

Ok I've had a look at other threads too - he's already told you it's over, so there is no confusion, and he's not being stubborn, there isn't any chance for you together. You need to stop hoping that there is

FarinaHuevos · 02/03/2016 17:17

I agree with Costa.

I've just finished reading a few of your other threads, and it's quite misleading because in this thread you said that you ended it, which has swayed some of the replies, IMO. Mine included.
It turns out that he actually told you that he doesn't love you and feels that you have nothing in common.

You mentioned in one thread that you could get your stuff back as he'd go out at a pre-arranged time but would leave you a key so you could pick it up. Why didn't you arrange to do that?

You've said you've been contacting him repeatedly and begging him. He said again he wasn't interested. He may or may not be a twat, I can't tell from your posts, but you need to leave him alone because it's over.

Please accept that it's over and make some plans to move on with your life. It's been several weeks now and if you'd gone NC with him you'd be feeling much better by now. Not over it, but definitely better. Best of luck Flowers

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 02/03/2016 21:12

Yes the whole break up was completely messy and I originally ended it and then said i didint mean it ... To which he told me he didint love me and we had nothing in common.....

I thought he was so mad at me...

I then did the whole
Sending him messages apologising

Then deleted his number I never blocked him

I didint pick up my stuff as I genuinely wanted to see him...

I went to type a friends name in to text her and his came up so I didint do a good job of deleting his number as I'd deleted his contact and then sent him a message

Just asking if we could meet up to clear the air and to collect my things....

I felt it was my fault we had finished and maybe he was just mad at me that's why he had said thoses things ..... I'd had a terrible first 4 weeks....maybe I was being nieve... I felt I had to at least fight for him after all .....

OP posts:
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