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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he just not interested?

30 replies

woolystockings · 29/02/2016 17:01

So long story coming up...there has been a guy about town that i see occasionally he seemed to like me we got chatting and exchanged numbers, turns out he is 5 yrs younger than me. He text the next day and I sad maybe I was to old for him he laughed it off but never said no your not. Then he didn't get in touch for a week so i text him and he answered straight away and we exchanged quite a few msgs but that was 3 days ago and now I'm wondering should I be first to text again or maybe I should just forget about him and move on. I'm just getting back into dating and don't really know the protocols so advice is appreciated 😊

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 29/02/2016 17:43

If you want a date with him, ask him out on a date. If he says "I'll let you know" then you'll know he's not interested.

Original poster

woolystockings · 29/02/2016 18:39

Lol I don't know if I could take the rejection I have typed a text and deleted it at least 10 times

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 29/02/2016 18:40

I'd leave it up to him now. If he doesn't get in touch, you know he's not interested.

Original poster

woolystockings · 29/02/2016 18:59

My heart says text my head says no. Arghh I know I shouldnt maybe he thinks I'm not really interested as I said I was to old. Its ridiculous really I truly am too old to be having these crushes lol

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Rebecca2014 · 29/02/2016 19:09

He is not into you. A man who is interested would be contacting you.

FredaMayor · 29/02/2016 19:13

^^Rebecca

Morasssassafras · 29/02/2016 19:13

What Rebecca said. He's not that into you op.

TheNaze73 · 29/02/2016 20:45

I think the complete opposite. If a bloke is into you, he's not neccessrily going to chase. Personally think he's biding his time.

NewChristian · 29/02/2016 20:55

It's impossible to know how available people really are. 5 years is not much of an age gap IMO. Unless you were 20.

Flanks · 01/03/2016 06:44

Man perspective here.

Men are every bit afraid of rejection as women.

If he sees you as confident and attractive he may well be unsure if you are really interested in him. You may be a person that is chatty and friendly.

The standard advice of 'if he was in to you he would say so' is largely bollocks, because it cuts both ways!

Send the text, whether he says yes or no you are quids in compared to not knowing either way.

wannabestressfree · 01/03/2016 06:46

Agree with flanks. If I had waited for my partner to make a move I would still be single and gathering dust. He is shy and very insecure.

Original poster

woolystockings · 01/03/2016 12:00

Thanks everyone. Update - I text last night and again we chatted he said he doesn't have a lot if time the now for dating i know that's true. Thought that was that but then he texted me today and we seem to be getting on well. I dont know where this can go if he has no time but now seems interested i hope he doesn't think that i could just be a prospective friend with benefits, not what i want

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wannabestressfree · 01/03/2016 12:10

I would just leave the ball in his court now. If he wants to spend time with you he will. No more chasing....

ALaughAMinute · 01/03/2016 12:16

It's good that he's come back to you but I can't help wondering if he's letting you down nicely by saying he doesn't have a lot of time for dating. He knows you're interested so he if wanted to see you he'd make time wouldn't he?

I'd leave it up to him now.

Original poster

woolystockings · 01/03/2016 12:20

Quite right wannabestressfree no more chasing. Quite good for the diet this lol stomach all butterfly's haven't felt like that for many long years ha, silly woman that I am 😂 Right better get back down to earth and fold some washing or something take my mind off it.

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Original poster

woolystockings · 01/03/2016 12:23

Yes I agree I thought he was letting me down nicely but then why text first thing this morning. Very confusing but yes if he wants to see me he will make time. Will just need to see what happens

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Jan45 · 01/03/2016 14:15

So you are not good enough to date but ok to keep on the bank burner, forget him, anyone who says they are too busy for dating is giving you the complete brush off, mind, I'd not have made the contact, it was up to him to contact you, you'd done it already.

FredaMayor · 02/03/2016 07:57

Too busy/not ready for dating = person wants you to think there is no-one else = there is someone else (probably more than one).

Op, can I gently suggest you work on your Wanker Radar?

Original poster

woolystockings · 02/03/2016 09:42

Guess I should have listened so we texted for most if the day yesterday nothing deep light hearted conversation. Then he started being more suggestive I played a long to a degree but was being more joking and sarcastic than sexual. I kept trying to turn the conversation back around but in the end I said I'm not going to be sleeping with you anytime soon that's not what I'm looking for and we ended the conversation amicably. I thought maybe he would have text this morning with better attitude but nothing. So that's enough of him now.

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Viviennemary · 02/03/2016 09:54

He might have taken you seriously when you said you're too old for him. But if he says he's too busy for dating that means he doesn't want to go on a date for the time being I'd say. I wouldn't be happy about the suggestive texts. I think I'd let this one pass on to somebody else. He sounds a bit like trouble to me.

TheJiminyConjecture · 02/03/2016 10:04

I knew that was coming. Too busy to date usually means "I don't like you enough to make time for you" The suggestive texts mean "but I'll happily shag you until I meant someone better". Interestingly my friend was in a similar situation, his name doesn't begin with T does it? Identical situation but she sexted back and then was sad when he got a girlfriend.

Original poster

woolystockings · 02/03/2016 10:08

His name doesn't begin with a t no. Plenty more fish in the sea as they say. Although I am feeling a little silly today but its a lesson learned. Dont go chasing i think will be my new motto.

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TheJiminyConjecture · 02/03/2016 10:18

Don't feel silly. He's chanced his arm, you've seen through it.

But I don't feel like you did anything wrong by leading the chat. There's a massive difference between being upfront and looking desperate.

Plenty of fish indeed!

Original poster

woolystockings · 02/03/2016 10:35

Thanks TheJiminyConjecture he certainly did chance his arm and I hope I didn't look desperate. Kind of worried about seeing him around now but I will just smile and carry on as normal.

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Original poster

woolystockings · 03/03/2016 08:26

More texts followed yesterday started of really nice and so I texted back to be nice I knew it wasn't going anywhere. But then came the down right dirty questions and requests. I couldn't sleep last night and this morning I feel quite sick. My raider for as#holes is obviously very low. It goes to show you really don't know a person. Its actually frightened me a little.

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