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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

serious hand holding needed

45 replies

zombiemeow · 25/02/2016 14:24

Have just told h it's over.

Over the past 9 years our relationship has been bad and I just kept putting up with it. I kept saying 'after such and such is out the way I'll end it' but I was always too scared.

We haven't kissed/touched/had sex in 7/8 months.

I ended it today and he was so upset. He honestly didn't see our relationship has a problem. He was telling me he loves me so much and wants to be with me forever.

Then he started asking if there was anyone else.

Then he asked me to sign the house and bills over to him.

I have moved my stuff into ds room for the night. I don't know what will happen when he gets back.

Bleh.

OP posts:
Hennifer · 25/02/2016 14:26

Do you have a solicitor? If not then I would try and find one who will give you some advice.

I don't think you should sign anything, or even agree verbally to anything, until you have had that advice.

Pinkheart5915 · 25/02/2016 14:31

Do you love your partner? Is there no way your relationship could be saved? With counselling?

I agree with Hennifer if it was me, I wouldn't sign anything or verbally agree to anything until I'd had legal advice

hellsbellsmelons · 25/02/2016 14:52

I think you need to understand why you both think so very differently about this relationship.
If he still 'loves you' why no affection or sex or intimacy at all?
That just doesn't make sense.

If it's been 9 years in the making then I don't think you are making a mistake at all with ending things.

Not doubt you already know, but don't sign anything without legal advice.

I hope you can both keep it amicable.

Original poster
zombiemeow · 25/02/2016 15:13

Thanks for the replies.

I have an appointment with a solicitor but it isn't until next weekend.

He's now saying he's going to leave work early and go to the pub. I asked if he wanted me to go somewhere else for the night and he just put whatever.

He said that we don't have sex because ds is in our room.

Tbh his personal hygiene is 0, I stopped wanting him to kiss/touch me. I have told him so many times about showering/brushing his teeth. It gets better for a week then goes back to normal.

He's not going to make this easy I can tell Sad

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 25/02/2016 15:37

Tbh his personal hygiene is 0
Bleurrr... Total deal breaker.

Are you the main carer?
Get all your questions and paperwork together for the solicitor.
You will need marriage cert. any joint account information, joint asset info. Pension info.

Pinkheart5915 · 25/02/2016 15:58

He asked you to sign the house over to him, is your property rented or owned? And where did he expect you and little one to go?

Original poster
zombiemeow · 25/02/2016 20:05

The property is mortgaged.

I'm a sahm. He's hardly spent any time with ds and when j leave him with him even just to get dressed he usually just cries.

I have the marriage cert but I don't know where anything else is.

I'm upstairs in ds room, he's slammed knifes into the kitchen work surfaces Sad

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 25/02/2016 20:07

What, as in stabbed the work surfaces? I would take photos of anything like that and email them to a friend.

Original poster
zombiemeow · 25/02/2016 20:31

I have took photos.

I have asked him to leave because he is scaring me but he just keeps saying 'why?'

OP posts:
Hennifer · 25/02/2016 20:44

I think you should call the police. Can you/children get out of the house?

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 20:49

I'd call the police too given the knives Sad

Tbh, if I'd just been told my marriage was over, I wouldn't make asking the house and bills be signed over one of my first questions.

ChemicalReaction · 25/02/2016 20:51

The knives thing is scary! Do you somewhere you can stay with ds for the night?

Hennifer · 25/02/2016 20:57

Look women who tell their abusive partner they are leaving, are at extraordinary risk of attack.

Please please remove yourselves as calmly as ou can from the house, without telling him if possible, go to a safe place - neighbour, friend, pub or shop - anywhere basically with sane people around - and ask them to call the police.

If you can't leave then barricade your room door and call the police now.

Hennifer · 25/02/2016 20:58

and he's been drinking since 3pm right?

Hennifer · 25/02/2016 21:01

or just send someone here your postcode/whatever and we can call the police for you, if it would be safer for you x

i am very concerned for your safety

Original poster
zombiemeow · 25/02/2016 21:06

I am ok, thank you to everyone for your concern. I am safe at the moment.

I just couldn't bring myself to call the police. He said he promise he wouldn't hurt me but was thinking of stabbing himself in the wrist Sad I called his sister and asked her to have him and she said she would and phoned him but he wouldn't answer to her for ages. Then he did and said he's staying here as it is his home and he doesn't like his family.

I'm very worried he is going to do something stupid (to himself),

He text me asking who is having the DVD player Confused I said I really don't care and he said 'don't be like that this is your doing'

OP posts:
Hennifer · 25/02/2016 21:10

You are not safe. If he won't leave you need to leave. He is unpredictable, irrational, angry and is using weapons and talking about violence (to himself/whatever/makes no difference)

You need to get out of the house. I am afraid in case he won't let you leave. Keep talking to his sister or anyone at all

Please do not stay in the same house as him tonight.

ChemicalReaction · 25/02/2016 21:12

His behaviour does sound erratic. First thoughts on a marriage ending are rarely who is going to have the DVD player.

I do think you need to go stay with a friend.

Hennifer · 25/02/2016 21:16

plus your dc needs to be kept away from this crappy situation, they will notice something awful is going on and they will be scared.

Even just for that reason you need to leave. You could call 101 and they will send someone to check on you and ask him to leave. If he kicks off they will arrest him, but otherwise, they can just help you leave to a safe place for tonight.

Is there any reason you can't leave tonight? I'm not sure why you are staying.

Joysmum · 25/02/2016 21:16

I just couldn't bring myself to call the police. He said he promise he wouldn't hurt me but was thinking of stabbing himself in the wrist

Why can't you bring yourself to call them as he's threatening to self harm. This may be game playing on his part or he might do it and that's why they need to know about it.

Hennifer · 25/02/2016 21:17

You could just call someone else, it doesn't have to be the cops. Just please, please get out of there.

Hissy · 25/02/2016 21:17

Jesus! My love please call the police, the knives thing is very worrying, you have a child to protect.

Please call someone NOW

Iwonderif · 25/02/2016 21:18

Definitely leave. You need to put the safety of your son first. Please just go.

Hennifer · 25/02/2016 21:23

You're not responsible for what your H does. He's a grown up. Your little one has got no one else and is relying on you to keep him safe.

This is a situation where things could escalate rapidly and I hope that you are thinking clearly enough to realise that.

I am so sorry - you can always come back tomorrow and get your things or whatever. Hopefully he will be sleeping it off by then.

Original poster
zombiemeow · 25/02/2016 21:44

Thank you to everyone who has replied. It's really helping.

Am talking to a couple of people. Trying to sort somewhere. Most of ds things are downstairs (nappies etc)

OP posts:
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