serious hand holding needed

[zombiemeow]

Have just told h it's over.

Over the past 9 years our relationship has been bad and I just kept putting up with it. I kept saying 'after such and such is out the way I'll end it' but I was always too scared.

We haven't kissed/touched/had sex in 7/8 months.

I ended it today and he was so upset. He honestly didn't see our relationship has a problem. He was telling me he loves me so much and wants to be with me forever.

Then he started asking if there was anyone else.

Then he asked me to sign the house and bills over to him.

I have moved my stuff into ds room for the night. I don't know what will happen when he gets back.

Bleh.

I packed a small bag of clothes, I don't even know what was in there I was just shoving random bits of ds things in. I heard banging down stairs then he came upstairs. And there was a lot more banging. Then he went down stairs and j went to look what he had done, the curtain poles had been pulled to the floor.

I went down stairs and found him with a large rope. I think he was trying to hang himself. He told me to get away from him so I went upstairs and he went out the house and drove off.

I called the police.

They came and arrested him for drink driving. They don't have to tell me when he's being released but said it should be morning. He doesn't have any keys and I have locked the doors.

I'm getting my bags ready and will leave as soon as ds wakes up.

Well done. Do you have somewhere you can go tomorrow?

I will have to go to my grandads if worse comes to worse.

Any ideas on what I need to pack for urgent things? My mind has gone blank.

I'm so scared of him coming back at any moment. He'll be really angry.

Have been trying to phone WA but I can never get through.

Passports, birth certs, bank statements, everything your son needs, keepsakes that have sentimental value, address book, phone chargers. His payslips in case you need them for CSA/ CMS later.

Make sure you clear your history on any computers/ tablets you leave behind.

I only have my phone. I might start putting things in my car now that way I won't be in a mad panic rush when ds wakes up. He's usually hungry when he gets up but I think he'll have to wait until we get to some place safe.

Hi, so sorry to read how bad things got last night. I think often people are released between 7 and 9am, I hope you have got away by now.

Did you speak to the police about what else he had done - the knives and trashing the curtains etc?

Perhaps ask them if they can put you in touch with the domestic violence officer, also you could perhaps ring womens aid, they will advise you what to do next, if you can get through to them - their phones are often busy but it's worth keeping trying.

Let us know how you are, if you have a moment and if you feel up to it.

0808 2000 247 is Womens aid

Thank you, I got through to women's aid. She told me I'm high risk for dv. I have a number for a dv case worker or something I have to ring in a minute.

I'm just so worried about him.

Yes, I think that's what he was hoping. He was pissed, he trashed the house, and terrified you, while your small? child was present.

I don't think this guy deserves any sympathy at all.

Well done for getting some help.

Your main concern is keeping yourself and ds safe. Have you left and reached a safe place yet?

I have come to dm's but I think this is the first place he would come looking, if he were too. I don't think he would bother. All the doors are locked

We also have a dog each who are both at the house at the moment. I don't know how I'm going to find out what his plans are as I need to know what to do. He said he wanted to keep my dog, which I don't mind as she is very attached to his dog, then he said he doesn't then he does.

Hey Zombie, I'm holding your hand. I'm at work though so will check in later. Well done for calling police & WA. Call that DV number & let us know if they help.

You should be very proud of yourself, you have done a very strong thing and ensured that your son knows that this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

I'm also leaning towards no sympathy at all for your DH. Don't be drawn into petty discussions of DVD players or the dog.
I would let Police know where you are & keep them advised.

Get all your ducks in a row. You can get 30 free mins with a solicitor. I wrote a list of questions and just fired them off one by one. I actually got a lot of information.

Stay strong.

You have another thread re the drink driving?

Hope you are safe now

This thread has been superseded by this later one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2578869-serious-hand-holding-needed?pg=2

Thank you.

Yes that's what he was actually arrested for, drink driving.

His sister has just called to say they are letting him out now. I'm away from the house.

I am glad for are somewhere safe.

You say the house is mortgaged but he wanted you to sign it over to him, so I assume it's in your name too. Do seek legal advice on this when you can.

I wish you all the best luck for the coming months

Well done for getting yourself and DS somewhere safe before his release. it was good thinking on your part to start packing essentials in the car the night before.

Please continue to put your own safety and interests first, and your DS's. Your partner is a a grown-up and can take care of himself. If he needs any professional help he can ask for it himself. Your only responsibility is to keep yourself and your child safe and happy.

I would not recommend you go back to the house. Animal welfare is important, so please delegate making sure that someone is looking after the dogs to someone else - perhaps a neighbour, friend or family member, or an animal charity if there is one in your area. I know that many WA have connections with charities to temporarily re-home or kennel pets, as they know that can be one of the many obstacles for DV victims getting to safety. You could ask your WA if they have any good solutions for you.

You do not need to do everything yourself, and can appeal to others for help when you need it.

All the best.

That is so sad to hear. I hope you can still talk things through and maybe fix things. But whatever decisions you have, just make sure you are 100% on it.

Thanks to everyone, all the advice has really meant a lot to me. Am now flat hunting.