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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So angry with partner

34 replies

jorainbow45 · 21/02/2016 08:46

My partner of 18mths had a fling before Christmas which I found out about. The first bit was a kiss at work I saw a message on his Facebook confronted him and he said it was a mistake. He text her told her about me and said it couldn't happen again he loved me. She replied ok. From there according to him she approached him and said you aren't happy we could have something nice and it continued for a week
I found out so got all the detail from him. He didn't fancy her was just playing and enjoyed the attention. He did however end up in her home where he got on got in and then had a massive pang of guilt and went soft. I'm so angry I can barely type. Says he thought she was ugly and doesnt know why it happened. How can he not know???? I asked if he loved me - yes. We had been arguing the month before as I suffer from anxiety and was struggling but after the kiss we talked and he agreed to communicate more as I felt he wasn't. Niw if I bring it up he says how many times will I? Do you think me talking to someone professional would benefit me?

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 21/02/2016 08:47

No but I do think you should break up with him.

Oysterbabe · 21/02/2016 08:54

If it were me I would never trust him again so it would be over. I couldn't live like that.
He had sex with her even though he thought she was ugly? How would he behave if someone he was attracted to came on to him?

Costacoffeeplease · 21/02/2016 08:55

I couldn't carry on a relationship with someone who behaves like this - and now he's getting annoyed because you keep bringing it up? So the solution to that is - stop talking about and pack his bags for him - job done

And please don't do the 'pick me' dance

Iamdobby63 · 21/02/2016 08:57

Are you married/living together?

It all sounds like excuses to me to dampen down him cheating on you - only you can decide whether to believe those details or not.

Counselling may help your anxiety, equally so could a secure relationship.

Gobbolino6 · 21/02/2016 08:57

You've only been together 18 months. His words don't match his actions and it's his actions that show you who he is. Do not stay with this man. Years of this crap await you if you do.

sooperdooper · 21/02/2016 08:58

After 18 months you shouldn't have all these issues

Finish this with him now, how can you ever trust him after all this?

Move on and put this all behind you, he's a cheating moron

Original poster

jorainbow45 · 21/02/2016 09:42

Thanks ladies. I think someone to talk to would be an idea for me to get me through this anger and the inevitable break up. I know he's full of shit. I'm also furious with her too which doesn't help. She knew about me and I'm one of those women who thinks other women should steer clear of taken men. Bit of an unwritten rule in my opinion.

OP posts:

tallwivglasses · 21/02/2016 09:47

Ugly? Really? He went soft? REALLY? Listen to the wise Mumsnetters. You're worth more than this

Costacoffeeplease · 21/02/2016 09:54

Ignore her part in it - she's not your partner, she owes you nothing - don't waste your energy on her or divert any of the blame from where it lies - firmly and squarely with him

Slowdecrease · 21/02/2016 09:55

It's entirely understandable to feel angry at both people however he's the one who found himself at her house and he's the one who is with you. Two options here. 1/ he doesn't love you at all but can't be on his own and 2/ he does love you but can't cope without attention from other women. Neither is a win for you and not the relationship you should have.

Original poster

jorainbow45 · 21/02/2016 10:01

Lol tallwivglasses that made me smile! I've seen her and she's not easy on the eye which is probably why I feel insulted. I am worth much more than that and quite happy to be alone it's just the level of anger thats shocked me. Never been in this position before thankfully.

OP posts:

Sunshine87 · 21/02/2016 10:02

My DS dad was a cheating scumbag after he left for OW. He wanted me back! I wouldn't give him the time of day. He was blocked ony phone but had his mother begging me to give him another chance, he wanted his family back. No way was i putting up with that behaviour i was worth more and so are you. I have a great DH another child and one on the way. My ex hates DH think hes resentful that i moved on and ended up happy but i knew i deserved someone who was respectful and commited to me. Don't waste your time on this loser

Sunshine87 · 21/02/2016 10:04

They always cheat on someone uglier i think its because they are there and easy. Look at cheryl cole her husband had a stunning wife and got with munters

Slowdecrease · 21/02/2016 10:07

I feel the anger might be half at him and growingly at yourself for not kicking his ass into shape yet...do it and it will magically dissipate! It doesnt matter if the other woman is "ugly" or beautiful what matters is your partner thought little enough of YOU to risk losing you. Remember that. Its you who is of little value to him regardless of anyone else. Get rid.

Only1scoop · 21/02/2016 10:09

I'd ditch him for describing her as 'ugly' just to please you.

He obviously didn't think that at the time.

He sounds vile

Original poster

jorainbow45 · 21/02/2016 10:18

Off to the tip. Sadly I don't think it fair his clothes go too but then again. .... thank you for the support and kick up the butt xx

OP posts:

Slowdecrease · 21/02/2016 10:35

I wouldn't do that, you are not Jeremy Kyle fodder you're better than that. Just ghost the knob.

DoreenLethal · 21/02/2016 10:37

Do you think me talking to someone professional would benefit me?

Yes, a letting agent unless it is your place he is living in.

ouryve · 21/02/2016 10:42

If it's so crap after 18 months, it's time to tell him to sod off.

He's not a keeper and he will continue to treat you like shit.

ouryve · 21/02/2016 10:46

Munters?

FFS.

ChasingPavements · 21/02/2016 10:53

OP after 18 months it shouldn't be this hard. If you can find the strength, I would walk away now. If you need some kind of counselling, it should be to help you understand why you would ev n consider staying with someone who treats you in this way.

Sunshine munters? Ffs.

dilys4trevor · 21/02/2016 10:55

Yes, it's the way he is being disrespectful to both you AND her. He sounds horrendous. Describing how he went soft because she was ugly? This is 14 year old virgin stuff.

This guy puts even most of the cretins one reads about on here in the shade (inc my own ex).

ohforfoxsake · 21/02/2016 11:08

He probably said the same to her about you. You probably never have sex or show him affection.

He went to his house and fucked her. He doesn't think she's ugly, he didn't go soft. It's all bullshit.

Sit up and look at this massive red flag slapping you round the face. Dump him. Now.

Buzzardbird · 21/02/2016 11:11

It would be great if cheaters could come up with some original excuses.

MargotLovedTom · 21/02/2016 11:12

Totally agree with ohforfoxsake. Also I don't know why all the focus on her looks - would it really be less hurtful if she was attractive?

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