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Original poster

Oh opening flirting and collecting numbers at work and at clubs

38 replies

Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:00

Hi
I've recently found out oh of 8 years have been collecting women's numbers at work, around 10 he said to socialise, but never mentioned to them having a partner or child.
I've contacted these women and they have said he was flirty and over friendly.
Same with the women at the clubs, he met and asked for numbers, called and text but never met up further.
He's been very open and allowed me access to everything which is how I was able to contact them and get confirmation.
He's also told me about other lies he's told, regarding finance, lying about where abouts.
He's begging for forgiveness and asking for another chance. I'm very torn as I have 2 dc's with him,(under 5) but I'm so hurt by the lies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:04

He said he enjoyed the thrill of the chase but never intended to take it further. Messages were non sexual, 'do you want to go for a drink?' Kind of stuff

OP posts:
Robotgirl · 19/02/2016 19:12

So he's essentially a massive liar?

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:13

Yes! A huge liar! It's still such a shock

OP posts:
MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 19/02/2016 19:18

And what would have become of the 'going for a drink'?

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna · 19/02/2016 19:19

OP what exactly are you asking?

For what its worth, from your OP, you're with a lying, cheating individual who knows nothing about boundaries, does not respect you and thinks you're an idiot! It's like he doesn't even give a shit!

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:21

That's exactly what I wondered. He said he asked but never followed through ( the ones he asked have confirmed this).
I saw the phone bills so was able to see the frequency of the calls and the duration. He didn't speak for long and the calls wasn't frequent.
It's as if it was a game to him, an ego boost

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:23

I don't know what I'm Asking, I haven't really spoken to anyone in rl so wanted so opinions. I've asked him to leave.

OP posts:
Spandexpants007 · 19/02/2016 19:27

Asking him to leave is the right thing. You need time to think about things objectively. He has let you down massively. He has lied. Can you trust him again?

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:30

That's the problem I don't think I can and I don't think I want to go down that road because I'm not sure if he can change. It's a huge blow. He's suggested couples counselling, being transparent with me, i.e with phone, emails etc but I don't want to be 'checking' up on him. I felt he was transparent before but it seems he was being sneaky.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 19/02/2016 19:34

Do you want to always be wondering what he's up to, waiting for the other shoe to drop? Didn't think so

sarahlou75 · 19/02/2016 19:36

Is he having a mid life crisis? What a betrayal of trust. It maybe he was looking for an ego boost. If any of those women had given him a green light how far would he have taken it? I would find it very difficult to have any trust in him or what he said.
How did you find out?

Robotgirl · 19/02/2016 19:37

Do you want to bring your kids up with a liar?
It's not much fun.
I broke up with by liar ex when DD was 15 months old. He was such a good liar I never knew what was true & it was fucking awful.
You & your kids deserve more. Fact.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 19/02/2016 19:38

Ugh! Not only is he deceitful and a liar, he's also one of those men who uses women to massage his ego. The number of times I've read on here about posters who have met a "lovely man" in the club, who appears single and keen to meet, then plays mind games. He's basically wasting the time of all those women he also lied to. Twat. He can't be trusted and there's no relationship without trust.

lighteningirl · 19/02/2016 19:42

He sounds horrible both to you and the other poor women he's lying to. You have a choice now you know he's a liar you won't ever be able to trust him and you will always be doubting yourself why wouldn't you finish with him?

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:45

He's 30 might be two young for a mid life crisis! I found out through his email I checked it for a contact we both know then but as this email is synced to his phone contacts I saw a few contacts he's deleted with no names, added them to my whatsapp and all the pictures came up.
He said he felt he wanted to socialise more so took the work women numbers as they always go out for a drink in groups at the weekend ( none were men's numbers) he then showed me all the phone bills and I saw the ones he called and when.

No I certainly don't want my kids to grow up with a liar for a father which is why he's not here.

OP posts:
sarahlou75 · 19/02/2016 19:47

Wants to socialise with women not men? Doubtful.

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:49

Exactly, apparently it would be a huge group of them going to the pub, but he never went. At his work Xmas do where he got some numbers they said he was 'forward' 'flirty' and came across single

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:53

The ones he called and text it wasn't consistent texting, he'd call/ text for a few weeks then stop and that was his pattern of behaviour - he seems to think the fact he didn't sleep with any, is a good thing. But how did I know it wasn't because they were receptive to his advances. He didn't mention being in a relationship so left the door wide open for it to lead to something

OP posts:
sarahlou75 · 19/02/2016 19:54

Don't be surprised if he says he felt marginalised by family life, he wasn't getting enough attention blah blah blah.
His solution wasn't to talk to you it was to hunt out other women. Really sorry OP Flowersq

Robotgirl · 19/02/2016 19:55

How do you KNOW he didn't sleep with any of them?

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:59

They have confirmed this. (I don't know for sure obviously) but they came across genuine and apologetic for his behaviour. Or course they could be lying

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 20:01

Many told me exactly what was said in text's and when he called/text. This is backed up by the phone bills.
He has to face them all at work next week and feels embarrassed this is all out, he made his bed an all that lol

OP posts:
ChickyChickyParmParm · 19/02/2016 20:13

"He has to face them all at work next week and feels embarrassed this is all out"

Poor thing. Hmm

If it's so innocent he has nothing to be embarrassed about though, right?

But it's not. What a creep. If I was this man's colleague and found out he was hitting on me while his kids and wife were at home I would run a mile. I suggest you do the same. Sorry, OP.

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 20:19

This what I said to him 'poor thing' if your weren't coming across like a letch you'd have nothing to be ashamed of.
He didn't see himself as coming across that way, everyone was friendly and swapping numbers ( he didn't mention his family though)
That was the reaction of his colleagues. And they were very forthcoming with providing information

OP posts:
liberatedwine · 19/02/2016 20:25

Sounds like he has low self-esteem and is trying to bolster his ego. I'd suggest he tries CBT. Kudos to him for admitting it. Do you want to stay with him?