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Original poster

Oh opening flirting and collecting numbers at work and at clubs

38 replies

Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 19:00

Hi
I've recently found out oh of 8 years have been collecting women's numbers at work, around 10 he said to socialise, but never mentioned to them having a partner or child.
I've contacted these women and they have said he was flirty and over friendly.
Same with the women at the clubs, he met and asked for numbers, called and text but never met up further.
He's been very open and allowed me access to everything which is how I was able to contact them and get confirmation.
He's also told me about other lies he's told, regarding finance, lying about where abouts.
He's begging for forgiveness and asking for another chance. I'm very torn as I have 2 dc's with him,(under 5) but I'm so hurt by the lies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 20:30

We have been communicating, since I asked him to leave and he had admitted that and says he will do anything to change/ make it work but I'm numb to what he says and believe it to be more lies. Which is how the relationship would be if I took him back. Right now it's a definite NO I'd have to see some positive changes to even consider it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 20:35

liberatedwine is this something men with low self esteem do? How can cbt help? I will mention this to him

OP posts:
Robotgirl · 19/02/2016 20:40

Why are you communicating with him?
Why don't you just go NC for a bit & see how you feel?
If you have to communicate re him seeing the kids, just keep it purely kid-based contact.

Robotgirl · 19/02/2016 20:41

Put your energy into you & your children.
He put his into flirting & ringing/texting other women & lied to you.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2016 20:45

He says he didn't sleep with them. And you say these women have 'confirmed' it because you called and questioned them.

TBH, if someone's wife/partner called me out of the blue and asked me if I slept with her man I'd say 'no', too, especially if it was a ONS or brief fling with someone I thought was single. I wouldn't want to get all mixed up in someone's marital/relationship problems, especially if I weren't still involved with the man.

Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 20:46

That's true, but he is still the father of my children and if I can help in any way I think I'd like to at least point him in the right direction to get the help and be the best father he can be. Any thoughts of 'us' are the least of my concern but he's reached out to me very broken asking for my help. As much as I hate him for what he did to me beyond that he has some great qualities ( but telling the truth isn't one)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mirrormirroronthewall1 · 19/02/2016 20:49

I feel betrayed already if he slept with them that would just be the icing on a crappy cake. in my head he's cheated.

And you are right they could be just saying that - I'd never know.

OP posts:
CooPie10 · 19/02/2016 21:18

This man is not a keeper. Do you realize this is a part of who he is? He can't change , it's him. He can certainly become better at hiding it. And besides he's only admitted this because you found out.
How hurtful that he has two tiny kids and chose to have this other life where they don't exist? You would be doing the best thing by leaving him. The trust is destroyed, damage is done and most of all you've seen his true colors. He will undoubtedly do this again.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2016 23:10

But point him in the direction for help doing what? And to what purpose? Tell him to get counseling. That's all the 'help' you need to offer. If this 'help' is with a mind to reconciling, then you both need counseling. I'm not saying that in a snotty way. Just that when there has been such a massive betrayal of trust you just can't work your way back from that without professional help.

As far as being a good father, if he pays his support and sees his children regularly and is kind and loving, what more do you want? I know many will disagree but my cousin's ex was a very good father to their children even though he couldn't keep it in his pants.

He's not your responsibility. Maybe if he has to depend on himself and get his own help he'll be all the better for it.

Hissy · 20/02/2016 10:24

If being with you for 8 years and having children with you hasn't pointed him in the right direction, what exactly do you think might?

Give him the shock of his life. Make him leave and not come back for a while. 1 month, or 2 months perhaps? But only when you're ready and don't tell him how long he's going. Show him what being split up will be like, what he will lose.

This is the only thing that will focus his mind.

AnyFucker · 20/02/2016 16:40

well, he's been fishing hasn't he ?

he thinks (knows ?) if he throws out enough hooks, someone will bite

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who did that.

liberatedwine · 21/02/2016 10:36

www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=8611

Maybe, just maybe, he needs help rather than condemnation.

ImperialBlether · 21/02/2016 10:40

I couldn't be with him any more because I'd see him as seedy and I wouldn't be able to respect him. He's 30 - this is who he is, now.

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